Ronking round the world

Fact:My money belt has, at no time, contained any money.

Newsflash: Jaime has the CD that I thought was lost forever, and will post it to the Moonies who can hopefully post it back home. Hooray for, well, lady luck!

Landing in Nadi we were obviously greeted by the unpleasant wet towel of night-time humidity. We quickly found ourselves at customs, where we were greeted by a trio of guitar playing island serenaders, which was nice, if not a little too Disney for my liking. Things got a bit more real once we'd got into Fiji proper. We were quickly hustled into an office after being passed from information desk to a kindly lady called Sethatha. The feeling was quite strange, it was a feeling of slight awkwardness and a little bit of fear, like the feeling you get when you go round to an ex-girlfiends house only to discover she still has pictures of you on the wall...

Anyway, we made up some story about Jaimie meeding to be here before we could make a decision, and proceeded to book our first to night accomodation for $15 per night. That's five pounds.

The money here is pretty cool, actually, it's the best money we've seen yet, although it does still have the queen on it. This lead Bren to say, simply "That bitch is everywhere" which was rather amusing.

Got to the hostel, which was "Characterful" and played some pool, losing 2-1 to Bren (curses!) after which we all fell fast asleep to the tunes of the olympic snoring runner up. This produced the funniest moment of the night, when Simon, the Irish chap in the bed next to me sat up and just shouted "Shut up!" sadly having no effect.

In Nadi at the moment, where being white (and looking like a blatant tourist) means you're a target for street traders, who were pretty friendly, reassuring us that there were no cannibals about, but ultimately on the make. Bren and I hatched the plan of pretending to be German, which is so clever it can't possibly fail...

Fortunately managed to get one good pic of mainland Fiji, which is this, the view down our little road.

Rain rain, go away, come back a day when i don't have to fly to Fiji...

It's absolutely PELTING it down, we're packed, fed, watered and photographed (I STILL have a patch of brilliant white where some vision shoudd be.) Called home, which wwas really nice, said our goodbyes to Phil and Jean and sped off to the airport (for a change, eh Dave..) Driving to the airport was pretty dreary, with the rain lashing down and Dave realising someone had nicked his rear windscreen. Not amused!

We got there, unpacked, made several promises to come back (as long as the weather improces, you understand...) and trudged off to the departure lounge. Our flight ended up being diverted to Christchurch on account of the bastard great cyclone coming in from the West, aiming to meet up with his friend, Mr Storm from the East somewhere over the Koromandel peninsula. Should be quite stormy, then.

Needless to say, or plane was delayed, with Bren and I finding the Simpsons to amuse us, then food. We then got really bored and saw how long we could hold our breath for, whic was quite exciting, as Bren made me laugh when it was my go, resulting in an unholy exhaling-snort noise.

Inevitably, we turned to beer tpo while away the hours, and were pleasantly surprised to fins that we were entitled to free beer (to the value of $12) because our flight was delayed. Cool eh? We sank two and then went to finish it off with two bottles of Corona, when I looked at the screen next to our flight number to find "Final call" in red letters. We downed, got up and ran, catching the plane and sitting down in a three seater between the two of us. Comfy!

I proceeded to while away our slightly turbulant flight by watching "The medallion", a martial arts film with Jackie Chan, Lee Evans and Claire Forlani, my future wife. Forunately I got no problems with my ear on the ascent or landing, leading me to ascertain that the numbskulls on the picton terrorplane(TM) must have over pressurised the cabin. That, and my eardrum is feeble.

Next morning was pretty uneventful, we managed to get out of bed and into Auckland by ferry at around 3, after two abortive attempts to use the buses (damn you buses!) We headed straight to Quantas house, as Bren'sticket had him flying into Fiji at 4AM and mine said 5PM. Little more resonable don't you think! After about 15 minutes wait we were seen to, and we managed, in 15 minutes, to change the flight time to 5, change our dates in Fiji (cheaper in Asia and 2 nights in Sydney instead of 1), and change the last date out of Thailand to the 29/30th June (crosses a date by 25 minutes) Far, far too easy, and only $10 to do! For some reason, as soon as we were finished, the phrase "Let's celebrate with an ice cold Frappucino!" slipped out of my mouth, which is one of the gayest things i've ever said. Not one to back down, I then proceeded to go to starbucks, order a frappucino (as did Bren) and drink it. It was actually quite nice, Orange Mocha, but Brens looked like some kind of gritty face-pack and was quickly discarded, shortly after he laughed at me for having cream on the BRIDGE of my nose. That's how windy it was!!

The ferry crossing was a bit lively, but we managed to survive despite the door next to me springing a leak... We got the bus back and waited for jean, dave and Phil to get in, doing our washing in the process and popping out into the dreary drizzle to get some beer. By the time we'd got back, a knackered Phil and an enthusiastic Dave were in attendance, with Dave cooking up a storm! Burgers, sausages and then Moonie Mussels which only Dave and I partook of. Without a doubt the nicest mussles i've had in my life. I asked for the recipe but Dave said he'd have to kill me if he told me. I'll do without then, thanks.



Due to our mutual fatigue and ridiculous fullness, Phil, Bren and I all went to blockbusters to rent some DVD's, and came back with the last 3 episodes of Futurama that I haven't seen. We watched them and then went to bed, with me happy but slightly upset that i've now seen every episode of Futurama that has ever or will ever be made. Sad eh?

Oh yes it's ladies night, and it's fairly shite, oh yes there's naked men, oh what a sight....

Upon entering the globe, it became apparant that "Mr Backpacker" was on, and the obligatory "Down a pint with two tampons in your mouth" and "Do a lap dance for this poor girl and inevitably end up starkers" events were in full swing. The usual suspects were out, along with Paul and Zita from Whitianga, Queenstown etc to spice things up a little. Much drinking and talking (read flat out shouting) and a small bit of cavorting was done, cluminating in Bren and I drinking more double vodka and cokes than could be considered non-lethal. Obviously we danced the night away, with the added bonus of a "Black light party in which the patrons had to design their own t-shirt (t-shirts supplied) with UV pens and then wear them. For some reason. Kirsten showed her artistic side by designing some kind of "Stick man Karma Sutra" deeley, which we all heartily endorsed by signing the back of. It attracted quite the comments, which, after all was the aim.



Having no artistic talent of my own, I decided istead to express myself through the medium of dance, being constantly elbowed by some girl who inevitably wanted me to turn around and start talking to her. Quite how causing someone annoyance and pain is supposed to endear them to you is quite beyond me, so instead I retreated to behind a table, where I proceeded to have a really nice chat with Lorna before dancing until 2:50.

It was about then that we panicked, as our night bus left at 3:05, and was the last one to Manakau city! We said our goodbyes, but Kirsten and Lorna obviously wanted to leave too, as the others had done their customary "Now you see us, now you don't maneauvers, and so we escorted them outside, said our goodbyes,(sob) and ran like the wind.

As we passed a bus stop, two American guys were heard to say "Hey, there's the guys dancing with those two cute girls" and indeed we were there. For 45 minutes. As the bus decided to no-show, forcing us into an aggressively-negotiated $35 cab. Pricey! We eventually arived at 4:27, at which time the wind caught the recently opened door and banged it against the frame. Sorry Dave...

Lorna and Kirsten were (and probably still are) great fun, and really helped to make the journey from Queenstown up (especially Taupo-Rotorua...) a lot more fun. I'll miss both of you, but look out for emailed photos in a couple of months time!

Next morning, unsurprisingly, the Jaimies missed their buses and, pressed for time, I managed to leave my journal (notes) and the CD with our Oz photos behind. Not a popular move! Called the hostel and have managed to get the journal to Jaimie who's meeting us in Fiji, but little luck on the CD. Whoever i've sent photo's to PLEASE DON'T DELETE THEM!!! I desperately need some copies of anyting I can get my hands on! ANyway, we went through Hobbiton (Mata Mata) and I got a rather brilliant pic with my shoes on my knees next to the Hobbiton sign, which did a little to raise my foul mood.



We got into Auckland bang on 3:30 and proceeded to look for DAve and Jean, to see if they were about. They weren't (emailing someone the night before you arrive and then forgettingto check your email the next day isn't the best of ideas) and so we got the ferry to Half moon bay and the bus to their road, meeting Jean on her way back from work who took our bags from us. Thanks Jean!

David arrived pretty soon afterwards and we caught up, ate BBQ and headed off into Auckland to meet up with the squad in the Globe bar for 10PM, with Dave giving us a lift to the bus stop in the mall. Ladies night, here we come....

Spent the day lying in for the first time in ages, getting up around 10 and basically watching films (Stigmata and once were warriors) until 6, then cooking and going to the Lava bar, the place to be in Rotorua! I'd emailed Lorna and Beth earlier on to let them know where we'd be, and Jaime Jaimie, Jeraldine and Brendan and I went to the lava bar, meeting up with Simon and Kirsten after about half an hour, which was a nice surprise. Jaimie and I obviously had to get the ball rolling and so started the evening with a few depth charges, the first of which was chantreuse, which is the foulest thing i've ever put in my mouth (have now discivered that that's what Jana bought us in River valley...) After a while, Lorna and Beth turned up to make quite the little group, and Bren and Jaimie narrowly avoided being beaten at pool by girls. Twice. Rather brilliantly, at around 11, the pool table was physically moved out of the way by two massive maori guys, forming a dancefloor which filled pretty quickly (if eve I saw a person with a dancing addiction, Lorna is that person) and culminated in Jaimie and Lorna doing the Ketchup dance together to rapturous applause. Stars, the pair of them.



This was followed by Jaimie and I providing a flaming drinking finale by doing flaming Sambucas, the photos of which came out really rather well! (Thanks Kirsten!)



It was when I ordered my next drink that the series of events unfolded. Standing up at the bar, an unbelieveably attractive brunette started talking to me about all the usual travelling stuff, joined after a while by a blonde girl, who promptly said, "Aren't you going to buy this sexy lady a drink?" Being quite principled on matters like this, and also travelling on a budget, I said "I'm afraid it's going to have to be you this time" which promptly caused the brunette to storm off. No loss there then! I think it's the way that they were looking at each other that did it, but my Gaydar(TM) was going haywire and, sure enough, they were seen minutes later snogging on the dancefloor. Fantastic stuff.

Jaime managed to find herself another dreadlocked bloke whom she promptly fell in love with, and, when the lights came on, she came over and said she was going on to another club with him. Everyone else was pretty tired, Jeraldine, Simon and Kirsten had left after Bren, who was still feeling a bit rough, and Lorna and Beth wanted to go home (got another hug though, which was pretty cool) Unsurprisingly, Jaimie had managed to find himself another lady and had disappeared off somewhere (down an alley it later turned out, the romantic fool!) Not wanting to leave the girl on her own with a complete stranger, I offered to come with her and we were driving along in the guys car within minutes, getting to the next venue within what seemed like seconds. Upon entering it was quite obviously not my scene, a dingy little R&B club with a lot of black clothes and not many smiling faces. Jaime bought me a corona (favourite beer!!) and proceeded to get chattin' to "Mr D" as I busied myself dancing. It was about then that the two girls from before entered, instantly causing quite the stir, much to the chagrin of the maori girls in attendance. Quite quickly words were exchanged, then, out of nowhere, the Brunette threw a punch and all hell broke loose. Being me, I decided that this woul never do, and waded in to seperate them, before being grabbed by the shoulders by a sizeable Maori chap who proceeded to repeatedly shove me shouting something about me "Stealing his girls" I managed to walk away without being pummeled and, when it all blew over and the lights went back on, he came over to me to apologise, saying "I'm sorry, I thought you were trying to steal them from me!" I replied, quite wittily I thought, given the situation, with "Nah, I was just trying to keep them looking pretty for you!" Class.

Jaimie had appeared by this point from his Lovin' session, and so we walked past the catfight, which was now outside, made sure Jaime was OK and headed off to the hostel, where Bren and Jeraldine were waiting with our key (oops)

Eventful!

Right, gonna post later as i'm really quite busy today, all that I want to say is that there's some more pictures in the archives for December, the yacht one i'm particularly proud of!

Back at the Moonies after the best three weeks of my life, and have just been handed a 1 litre stein of "MOonie brew". Life is good, will blog properly tomorrow!

"How much more you can see when yor eyes are opened"

An absolute classic from Jaimie, picking up a copy of Yoko Ono's "Just me" and commenting on it, Jaimie was heard to remark, "Isn't that a wrestler?"... I think he meant Yokozuna, but, either way, funny as hell..

The Paddy. 10 and a half pints of bad idea was on its way for Jamie, so we had a bit of preparation to do. First bit of preparation was to buy the ingredients for a monster curry. Second part of the plan was to rent Bowling for Columbine, which wasn't as good as I thought it would be but still pretty damn shocking, especially the scene in which a woman gets shot about 6 times whilst walking out with her friend. Really harrowing stuff. Anyway, the time for curry and clean socks arrived and Jaimie, being of Northern origins, is an absolute monster when it comes to spicy food. Game for anything, I started to see the error of my ways when he added chilli powder and Jalapenos to an already hyper-spicy (entire Jar) of Vindaloo paste... Needless to say, I got an absolute facial pounding, but I did manage not to cry, which, let me tell you, was quite the achievement! We finally left at 7:30, leaving the still maladous Bren in his most natural of positions (in bed drinking as much orange juice as he can). We got a seat in the corner with the words for wild rover on the wall (smart move) and were surprised to note that Jaimie was the only person doing the paddy that night.



The first five pints went down pretty easily, with Jaimie suffering few ill effects. At this point, Lorna and Beth joined us, followed by Simon and Kirsten, and before long we had quite the table going.



Things took a turn for the random when Louise Davis from Latymer turned up with a friend that I should have recognised but didn't (sorry!) and sidled up for a chat. Bizarre. Things started to go a bit downhill after this, with Jaimie starting to list badly by pint number 9, and the rest of the table (Namely Sian and Jaime) getting involved in some rather saucy photos. Naughty girls... Finally, on to the Amstel, Jaimies face lost nearly all of it's colour and, after 3 attempts at going to the loo, he finally caved and headed off to pray to the porcelain god. So close...

What emerged from the cubicle will haunt me for the rest of my days, a VERY green sweat covered Jaimie, requesting me to take him home immediately. Now THAT's the sort of thing that gives a man episodes, or at least some kind of mental issues. Once we were in the fresh air, he perked up a bit, but was still a bit unstable, culminating in him falling over spectacularly back in the roomwhen he tried to take off his shirt, causing Bren and I to laugh helplessly at him as he struggled to get his shirt off his head and his arse out of the bin.

Once I'd made sure he was ok, I wandered back to continue drinking, and before long we headed on up to the Holy Cow, with two of Lorna's uni housemates in tow, who were pretty funny guys. Now I know that this is the club I went to after my Paddy, apparently, and it was nice to get some vague Acid flashback style memories coming back. We had a bit of a boogie and, as is now customary, Simon and I did numerous shots of Vodka & Kuhlua before dancing away til they closed. I walked Lorna and Beth home (it was her birthday by this point, happy birthday!) And proceeded to spend until 5:10 AM enjoying Lorna's company (she has a boyfriend, also called Chris. At least she's got taste in boyfriend names!) getting another 2 hours of sleep. Brill!

The photos from the night are really quite brilliant, I'll get some online as soon as I can.



My personal favourite is the one of Jaimie this morning, looking absolutely awful. We drove to Rotorua today, which sadly smells as foul as it did last time we were here. We're staying at a place called crash palace, which has two adorable black 6 month old kittens that are the cutest things in the world! Not got much planned for today, may meet up with Kirstin and Simon, but mostly I'm going to be watching DVD's indoors, which is free, and therefore good.

In other news, I have a stopover in Sydney and, rather brilliantly, Izabel has a flat there. I emailed her asking if she'd like to meet up and, rather brilliantly, she said yes. I've been giggling like a schoolgirl ever since! You've made my March my Canadian cutie!

The drive to taupo was quite boring, with only the majestic snow capped mounts ruapehu and Tongoriro breaking up the boredom. Speaking of boredom, bren jamie and I had intended to go Quad biking, but, sadly, the operator's van was in for a service and the quads were 24KM's away, meaning an expensive cab journey or no quads. Being cost conscious types we decided that no quads was the best option to choose, and instead sat in our room with little to do. Inspired by my headstands in Kaikoura, I ordered jamie to entertain us by doing a headstand, which he did pretty well until he collapsed sideways into a heap. My attempt was even better, with bren telling me to straighten my arms in true gym coach style. Knowing that my arms were about to give way, I let out a desperate cry of "Noooooo!" before collapsing onto my neck and causing uproarious laughter. jamies last attempt never really got off the ground, as he started too far from the wall, causing him to simply ass-butt the wall with a resounding thud. Funny stuff.

Anyway, the night before was pretty cool, Steve (culinary genius but unfortunately blesses with the ability to say the most innappropriate things given even a split second opportunity) Simon, really nice Grand prix obsessed chap, and Kirstin our resident Gin and Tonic drinker hit Mulligans, the Irish pub, joined before long by Beth and Lorna, whom I proceeded to chat and dance the night away with, interrupted only by bouts of beermat flipping (I got up to 13 before we ran out of beer mats)



Once in the club, Simon was the only person not dancing, so, being the kindly chap that i am, decided it was my duty to get him plastered on Vodka and Kuhlua shots. Worked nicely, but he wasn't my biggest fan in the morning! Best part of the evening though was getting a kiss goodnight from dear Lorna, which left me pleased as punch.

Back in Taupo, which people insist on pronouncing "Topuur" which is frankly wrong. Last night in Wellington was an absolute blast, Jamie, Jaime, Sian and I got absolutely plastered on $3 tequilas before heading off to a sports bar for a bit more "life". The traffic light party never really got cooking, which was a shame, but the sports bar we found ourselves in was brilliant. We had the "Pleasure" of becoming entwined in no less than 3 hen parties, with me taking more photos of drunken strangers than I have in a long time. I had a really nice chat with Jaime, before heading off to Burger king for some much needed sustinance. For some bizarre reason, jaime became obsessed with Jamie's bum and refused to leave it alone for a good half an hour, which made the walk back pretty interesting! We got back in at around 4:30, watched a bit of "from dusk til dawn" and then retired to bed for a theoretical maximum of 2 hours of sleep...

Running out of internet credit, so i'll finish this in Rotorua, but, last night was a cracker, with me meeting the charming Lorna from Cheshire and having the funnniest conversation i've had since i've been away.

For Ronketti news, i'm Chris Ronketti.

Bit windy! 190KPH gales and rain have rendered Wellington quite un-navigable during the day, so Bren and I decided to go for a film double header.



First up, we saw Something's gotta give, which was a reasonably watchable romantic comedy, with Jack Nicholson playing his part excellently. However, If I hear Diane Keaton cry for one more second, I may have to kill somebody. Second film was 21 grams, which is about as good a film as i've ever seen, with Benicio Del Toro, Sean Penn and naomi Watts playing excellent roles. The cinematography was brilliant and the sound was absolutely perfect in every way. Just don't expect to come out of the cinema in a happy frame of mind!

By sheer fluke, zeta and Paul, two of the poeple from the hangi in Rotorua, have arrived on todays kiwi bus, along with jamie who, it seems, had enough of Christchurch a bit early... Should be an interesting story!

Traffic light party tonight, which should be sufficiently debauched, but Bren, my number 1 drinking partner has subbed himself off, so I'll be drinking with jamie til the sun comes up.

That is, if the wind hasn't blown it away..

Speak soon!

In sickness and in health! Bren and I are now well and truly under the weather, which has a lot to do with the sub-arctic conditions we've had to endure over the past few days with nothing but sleep sheets to protect us from the elements. Anyway, everyone knows that the best cure for illness is a night out on the town, so we upped sticks and headed off to the nearest pool establishment. Sadly, beers were 6 dollars a bottle (OH MY GOD!) so we decided just to play pool and then head off to a cheaper bar after a 3 game battle royale. What followed was the worst display of pool I've ever seen, made even worse by a couple of Kiwi's that were watching, clearly thinking we were the most untalented pair of pool-losers they'd ever seen. Obviously we can never show our faces there again.

The BASEment at BASE backpackers was exactly how I remembered it (three whole WEEKS have passed you know...) but with the added twist of a school uniform night, at which the only ones dressed in school uniform were the bar staff. Oh well, at least they tried. We managed to get all of our bus involved in one of the long tables at the bar, and by the end of the night knew practically all of them. Game on!

Off to the Cinema to see 21 grams, then the museum, then off to get a haircut for Bren and then maybe change the dates on our flights, as Fiji is proving to be much more expensive than the rest of Asia. One week of lounging should be enough for anyone, right? Even if they do require 12 hours sleep a night...

Curse you, you foul mammals of the deep! Once again my attempts to see dolphins have been foiled! After a light night of pool and beer (which I won 4 games to 3..) we went to bed, rising at 5.15 to the sound of howling gales, meeting up with Mel from California in the kitchen who promptly told us that the trip was cancelled. Finally, our run of luck had ended, but to make matters worse, the driver wasn't driving past the office for us to get our money back. 100 bucks for nothing! Fortunately, we managed to negotiate a deal with one of the bus members who was going back to Kaikoura in a couple of weeks, and he is now the proud owner of 100 dollars credit with the dolphin watching company (and a shoe-in at getting the first places next trip around, no doubt...)

The drive to Picton was quite uneventful, we stopped off to see a colony of (now non-gay) seals and ended up in Picton for 12:30, with plenty of time for a quick subway... Given that it was only a little bit more expensive, Bren and I decided to push the boat out (groan) and take the plane instead of the ferry across the Cook strait to the North island.



Now this was no ordinary plane, taking off from Picton "International" airport (concrete strip in the middle of a field) our ten seater plane bounced and shook its way across the strait, leaving ferries (and my hearing) in its wake.



Suckers! Unfortunately, my right ear refused to depressurise on the way back down, leaving me in agony and with only 50% hearing. I've now dubbed it the scareoplane(TM), which I thought was rather witty given the circumstances. Hearing's getting better, but i'm sure a trip to the club at the hostel we're at will fix that.

Back in Wellington, back at base backpackers, this time for two nights (ah, memories...) Also, this time, I can see the giant Nazgul from my bed, so that's likely to make tomorrow VERY interesting. Might be able to meet up with Dale in Auckland, as he's flying up from Christchurch in 3 days for 5 nights.

Bye bye baby! Last night in Christchurch and an attempted fantastic final fling. the evening started off well enough with jamie and I doing Sambuca "depth charges" (A shot of Sambuca dropped into a two-thirds full beer downed in one) to get the evening going. sadly, due to the Germans and Joe being ill, and the population of Christchurch being more of the "stay at home" variety, the night kind of petered out, ending in a pool fest and beddy-byes at midnight. We went into their room this morning and said our goodbyes, which was pretty good, with hugs and handshakes all round. We'll be seeing jamie again in Fiji, and doubtlessly we'll meet up with Joe and Pete (They're going to be in the same academic year and Uni as Kiera Knightley, how cool is that!!) back in the UK.

The morning's travel arrangements were a bit touch and go. Bren and I had filled in that we were staying at a different hostel, and so we weren't sure whether the kiwi bus would even turn up at ours to pick us up! Fortunately, our luck held (again) and we were picked up just before 8, heading off to the whale/dolphin watching capital of the world, Kaikoura. Finally, some Dolphins!! For those of you who've been here since the beginning, you may recall my dismay at not seeing any dolphins whilst sea kayaking in Byraon bay. Well, that was all about to change!

Our customary fluke with the weather held out too, with the sun shining perfectly (the previous TEN trips had been called off due to inclement weather!!) and the only snag being that there were TEN places to go dolphin swimming. Among 40 people. Unsurprisingly, we didn't get on, and I spent the next few hours moping and hatching plans to immobilise some of those who did manage to get tickets, mostly based around precision knee assaults...

Anyway, once at the hostel (the "lazy shag" hostel, which is really nice!) the receptionist said that a seal swimming expedition was leaving at 1, and that it still had places left. This, coupled with a dolphin VIEWING session at 5.30AM tomorrow(!) will probably be enough for me to stop moping!

Bren and I cooked pizza, changed into swimming gear and waited for the bus whilst eating pizza. Food just before a swim? That'll be cramp you're after...

The swim itself was really cool, obviously Bren and i looked absolutely ridiculous (photo obligatory) but this is where bren's underwater camera came into it's own. The seals were really playful, swimming within inches of us (one even touched my hand!) and posing for a number of photos. Great fun, and seals have now been elevated in my estimations from "Gay" to "Pretty good", which is high praise indeed.

We got back to the hostel tored but happy, and then walked into town and booked the unreasonably early dolphin viewing for tomorrow. On the plus side, the sunrise is guaranteed to be spectacular, and the dusky dolphins, the one's we're seeing tomorrow, swim in pods of up to 400, so it should be quite a show.

Hope the weather holds out... ;)

Next day was spent convalescing and, for some of us, being constantly ribbed about pulling a minger. My favourite part of the day was when Jamie discovered he'd lost his shoes. Quick as a flash I said "Maybe you left them at Jabba's palace" which caused a nice round of uproarious laughter. We all ended up going to pizza hutt (sic) and getting a shedload of pizza for about 6 dollars each, which was enough to sate us for the rest of the day. We sat down, watched a few films, Chelsea v Arsenal and then the Bafta's, after which Pete Joe and I went out for a few drinks and a chat, finishing at about 12 with a bit of a hunger that was dealt with in the finest student tradition with a pie bought from a garage. Unfortunately, Joe didn't know the truism that pre heated chicken pies are to be avoided at all costs...

Next morning was a bit of a fiasco, with my alarm going off so faintly (due to thousands of layers of clothing to keep me warm) that we both woke up at 7.42 with the bus due to arrive at 7.50. Not good! I furiously packed, dressed and washed, getting out in record time, with the bus fortunately turning up 10 minutes late. Sadly, during this time, it became apparent that I'd left the football at the internet outpost the day before, which was really rather annoying. This was tempered somewhat by a sick-as-a-dog Joe, who proceeded to vomit every few minutes as a result of his ill chosen pie. A kindly Japanese lady handed him some kind of anti sickness pill, which proceeded to make him spew twice as frequently. I became of the opinion that she'd decided he wasn't going to make it, and had slipped him a cyanide pill to ease his passing...

We took our seats for the long journey to Christchurch (8 hours driving) and was fortunate enough to sit next to the charming Tracey from New York state. We actually managed to talk unabatedly for the full 8 hours about absolutely everything, stopping only to take in the awesome views including the turquoise lakes, Lake Tekapo and Lake Punakaiki and the snow capped mountains of the southern alps. Watch for Pete at the end...



That, and the brilliant $2 ice cream cones in Melissa, mine was one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of cookies and cream. Perfect!

We finally got to Christchurch at about 5, and I said my goodbyes to Tracey who was off to the botanical gardens before her flight tomorrow, and checked in to Cokers for two days, meeting up with Jana and Christina in the process. We went out for food (Burger king!) with Joe strong enough to manage 3 whole chips!! Returning to the hostel, we sat and watched South Africa V New Zealand for a bit, before the landlord put Jackass the movie on, which was very funny indeed.

Greg and kelly are staying in base backpackers, and I promised Greg I'd set him up an email address, so, true to my word, I did, and we all set off to find them and give them the login details. On the way to Base, we managed to bump into the teenyboppers again (fantastic) which turned out (grudgingly) to be a bit of a blessing as they were staying at base and knew the way there. Once we'd arrived, Greg and Kelly were nowhere to be seen, so we hatched a plot to get the info to them involving a whiteboard, Laura (the least annoying teenybopper) and a small sheet of yellow paper. Hope they get it!

With my errand run, Pete, Jana, Bren and I ambled back to our hostel and went to bed at a respectable 12AM, where I had the most relaxing nights sleep I've had in ages, woken up this morning to the musical sound of V-twins and inline fours being revved out the back of a bike shop. Bliss.

Even though I'm having fun at the moment, I can't help thinking: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ;)

Unsurprisingly we did end up meeting with the teenyboppers, in "World bar, which is a pretty funky little establishment in Queenstown. As an evasive maneuver, we went to a bar called shooters, which had the most amazing array of plasma screens I've ever seen on the wall, which made me a little too excited to be normal. Also, it featured a "Viewing area" at the urinals, whereby you could look out into the bar, and those in the bar could sadly look in, while you were in the gents, which was really rather strange.

After a few shots and a few pints of the rather hideous "Mac's gold" we decided that we fancied a bit of a boogie, so Dale, Jamie, Joe, Pete Bren and I all headed back to World bar and consumed a little more booze before hitting the dancefloor in fine style. It was here that jamie decided to lower his standards spectacularly and he proceeded to tank himself up and get with Mary, or Jabba the Hutt as she was more affectionately known the next morning. Bren and I obviously didn't let such things as girls get in the way of dancing to such classics as Bad and Push it, with Bren pulling off a startlingly skillful array of spin and slide moves, which impressed the judges to no end.

Also of note was the rather amusing "Fag" machine, featuring Freddy mercury in one of his best appearances to date:



We ended up being the last two on the dancefloor, and leaving at around 4AM, promptly entering into some kind of mock-fu fighting, ending up in me being picked up by everyone and nearly being atomic wedgied by Peter. Sooo close... We said goodbye to Dale as he's heading South, and crawled into bed, exhausted, drunk, but happy.

There is no 6 o clock in the morning for a traveller, it's as simple as that. Getting up at the crack of dawn is just wrong, even if it is to go and see the most beautiful parts of an already beautiful country! Managed to get out of bed, have breakfast, make sandwiches and drag our frozen asses onto the bus, ready for our 13 hour day of sightseeing and cruising. The drive down was mostly farmland for the first hour or so, broken up by the occasional glimpse of mountains in the distance, but after another hour or so, the mountains started to close in and we found ourselves flanked by awesome snow topped peaks on either side. We stopped for a livener (bottomless coffee!) at about 8 and then carried on into fiordland, traveling through the heart of the mountains via a pitch black tunnel built in the 1930's, which was really quite exciting! Once through, we were into the national park proper, stopping to take photos of the imposing mountains, deep lush valleys and waterfalls and melting ice stacks.



the ferry left at 12:25, thankfully with us on board. Bren and I had pulled our trademark trick of having the weather clear up perfectly whenever we do a big activity, and as we entered Milford sound the clouds parted and the whole area was bathed in warming sunshine. To say it was gorgeous is a huge understatement, and Bren and I just sat on the deck, speechless for about 20 minutes, just drinking in the sights and sounds of this most wonderful area. The two permanent waterfalls were pretty spectacular, ricocheting off the rocks forming a fine mist that reflected the sunlight, forming fleeting rainbows in the sun.





The first stop was the underwater observatory which was a bit of a disappointment, but had obviously taken a long time to construct! We headed back to the cat(amaran) and had a nice cup of coffee and some sandwiches, noticing that we'd caught the sun quite nicely, and that we were also far too warm to be wearing the two t-shirts and jumper from the morning! We went on deck again and I sat on the railings chatting to Bren and random friendly girl (useless with names) until we got near the port again, with the captain deciding this time that one or more of us on deck hadn't showered as he took us right under one of the waterfalls, covering us in some really refreshing spray. Once we got back to shore it was time to get straight back onto the bus, as we had a 4 hour bus journey. Baabaa, our driver, didn't have any videos for the journey, so, at the first stop he ponced Oceans eleven off of one of the other drivers and we watched that, periodically glancing outside at the frankly stupid scenery.



We finally arrived back in town at 7:30 and went straight out to collect pizza. This is when it happened. Standing at the side of the road, minding our own business, I noticed a car coming round the roundabout, thinking we'd be ok to cross after it, I looked left and "Splash!" was shot in the face by a 5 year old in the back of the car, holding a water pistol and wearing the cheekiest grin i've ever seen. I stood there in disbelief and told Bren what had happened, causing him to crease up with laughter immediately. Fair play little chap, fair play.

We ate our super supreme, which was much needed, and prepared to go out for the night, unfortunately certain to meet the "Teeny boppers" a trio of annoying, very annoying and Ultra annoying girls respectively. Splendid.

Happy Valentines day, by the way! Hope our lovliest saint looks after you on this the most romantic of days.

Every muscle in your body is tense. You shuffle over, not too close to the edge, but close enough to see the river arcing away some 134 metres below you. you wince, and begin to shuffle a little slower, until your toes are right over the edge, nothing to do but jump. Breathe, easy. Camera, what camera? Oh THAT camera... Smile, thumbs up. Walk in the park. Three. Two. One... That's bungy baby.



The sensation of jumping voluntarily off a perfectly good cable car is one i'll not forget in a long while! the feeling of flying is actually more real than the skydive as you're a LOT closer to the ground, the whole thing has a more visceral appeal to it. The freefall was only 8 seconds this time, but the bounce and split second of weightlessness are in a different league. Will it hold? When do I release the cord? I'm flying man!

Its all a blur, but then it's over, too soon. I want more.



Coming back to terra firma was pretty cool, watching everyone else's date with gravity and latex, with Jana's scream of terror being the most spectacular noise i've ever heard from a persons mouth!



We went back into the lodge to watch our videos, with me loking a lot more nervous on video than I felt, a fitting testimant to the ridiculousness of the endeavour at hand. Obviously I bought it though, memory ain't what it used to be!

We all got back to the hostel at about 4, gathered the troops and went out for a farewell meal/knees up to mourn the passing of some of our numbers, and ended up in a charming little bar taking up most of the eating tables and eating/drinking them into the stone age. That was one tasty lasagne, made even tastier by some excellent dinner conversation and quality photo's that i've been waiting to get for quite a while (waiting for the haircut you understand, have to look respectible!)



Izzy, Tanya, Jana and Christina had a 2 teapots full of shooters between them which got things moving, and we were soon on our way to Red rock, which was packed to the gunnels. we decided that the Edge was to be our venue of choice, and proceeded to saddle up to the (empty) bar, grab a pool table and hit the beers. That was until I discovered a really rather generous barmaid who was giving me triple Vladivars with a "Colour" of coke for $3.50. Game on!

Izzy was feeling a little rough still from the day before and imposed a midnight curfew on herself, which was fair enough as she still had to pack and get up early to get to Christchurch the next day. We had a great little boogie and chat and, leaving a vodka and coke as my legacy, I walked her home along the lakefront, talking about absolutely everything under the stars. I helped her pack, gave her an oft promised backrub (finally) and we talked until we both curled up asleep, but not before i'd gotten my Valentines kiss! That was until I woke up at about 3 with concrete-contacts and shoulder spasms, rolling into my bed a tired but happy man. Despite the discomfort it was a really nice way to spend a last evening together, with Izzy popping in this morning to say goodbye. And to give me my shoes...

Sure am gonna miss ya sweetcheeks...

Today has just been a relaxing one, Bren and I have to be up early to get to Milford Sound tomorrow (6AM!) So we're off with Dale to see the last Samurai at 8:35 PM then off to bed. After we've cooked up a storm of a curry, that is...

Will let you know how the daytrip goes, it's destined to be eye wetting stuff!

The next morning wasn't so good. For some reason, i felt rougher than i've felt in a long time, with a feeling of nausea pervading every thing I did. We figured out that it must have been something in the glacier water, as Mike, Dale and a few other water drinkers were all ill. Bren managed to escape the worst of it, being that he was still drunk by the time he woke up. I decided to put the TV on and forced us both to suffer through 20 minutes of Bob the Builder, before we realised we had about 10 minutes to get ready and on the bus. Fortunately, some seats had been saved for us at the back and I dragged my sorry ass to the back of the bus and curled up in a very sorry-for-myself ball.

We drove down the road to a place called "Puzzling world" which featured a hall of holograms, which was very cool, and a room in which wherever you look you're being followed by the face of a famous person in some kind of reverse paparazzi move. The last room I managed to go into before being violently sick was the 15 degree angle room, in which thing appear to be going uphill, such as water and pool balls. The other features were a huge maze and an AMES perspective room, which makes people appear massive in one corner and tiny in another. Suffice it to say, i pulled out early on account of illness and, accompained by Peter sat outside and enjoyed the virtues of Dioralyte. Thanks Mum...



I spent the next stop cuddled in a ball asleep, shortly before being told that at the next stop would be a group photo, just as i was looking my best! Rather miraculously, I managed to pull it together, probably aided by the sleep I had, and perked up just in time for the photo, which I'm sending home in the mail in the next few days along with other assorted crazy crap. Once we got to Queenstown, I got myself a much needed haircut, which came with a much needed cup of tea, cooked steak for Joe, Bren and I (I now have quite the reputation as a chef!) and showered, ready to go out for a quiet one.



I decided to go for a little nap before I went out, but, rather wisely , ended up deciding not to go out at all. Instead, Izzy and I curled up on the sofa and watched LIFE with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, both feeling rather sorry for ourselves! Tonight is Team canada's last night in Queenstown, and, rather soppily, I'm feeling rather upset that i'm most likely never going to see Izabel again. Romantic fool...

Oh well, better go, they're waiting for me now! Will tell you about the bungee later...

Up bright and early again and off to Wanaka, a little ski village that i haven't heard a great deal about. on the way, lurch asked us if we'd rather go to the touristy beach that's infested with sandflies, or a secluded beach that "No one knows about" Unsurprisingly, we cvhose the latter, and, within the hour we were at the beach. Also unsurrisingly, there was a small snag. In order to get to the beach, we had to ford a creek, which must have been about 1 degree centigrade. Seriously cold stuff!! Once we'd got there, we started to play a little football, with Lurch providing the entertainment with his "amazing" skill, and by picking up a staff made of driftwood and doing Gandalf impressions. "You shall not pass" indeed...

After a while, we decided to set up a game of beach cricket using driftwood for stumps. It was all going swimmingly, with Peter and Joe batting superbly, and Lurch being bowled first ball by Brendan (so funny!) Then, it was Jamies turn. A poorly timed swing by Joe had broken the other bat in two, so Jamie had found what can only be described as a neanderthal club to bat with. His second swing connected perfectly, smacking the football hard to his left and... straight at poor Tanyas head, causing an immediate halt to play. Izzy got a towel and soaked it in cold (sea) water whilst Eddie shouted "Medic!" repeatedly to lighten the mood. Fortunately she was Ok, with the rest of the bus journey being broken up by sporadic apologies. yes, we know you're sorry Jamie!

Throughout the South island the scenery has been exceptional, but nothing had prepared me for this... there's a place on the bank of Lake matheson called the "View of views" which is simply breathtaking. The lake is mirror perfect and reflects Mont Cook and the Southern Alps in its crystal waters, giving a postcard perfect pictue and providing another one of those awestruck silences that this coutry seems to do so well.



On the approach to Wanaka we descended into a really picturesque valley, and rounded a mountain road corner to be greeted by the most beautiful blue lake, replete with boats and jetskis, all flanked by steep mountains that would doubtlessly have been snow covered in winter. Absolutley perfect! Once we'd got to Wanaka we all went to our rooms, cooked (steak again!) and met up for Simpsons watching in the TV room. Bren and my room actually had a bath in it which, had it been a day earlier, would have been perfect, but as it was, a quick shower and shave sufficed and it was off to the Red rock bar. For a small town, the bar was incredibly cool, with all the drinks ubder the sun available, and a cool rustic feel to the place (the table was a giant pair of bellows!) we all sat talking for a while, with jamie and I accurately prediceting the success of an attempted pass by a guy in the bar using his "target's" body language, which was pretty cool. I gathered the troops together and took a really nice group photo, and then left the bar early with Iz to strengthen Anglo-Canadian relations, which are now pretty solid. Bren finally rolled in at about 2 after having gotten really drunk with Dale, our resident Asia info source and fellow film enthusiast. Top chap!

Franz Josef glacier! I can honestly say i've never been involved in a more challenging and rewarding hike in my life! The day started out pretty early (around 8) and involved us getting our boots, jackets, mittens, crampons and, most importantly, Ice axes! The half day walkers, team Canada, Joe and peter, only got walking poles.

We were taken down to the valley by bus and had a 3 KM hike to get to the bas of the glacier, admiring loads of glacial features on the way along (thanks geography GCSE, Millar, you'd be in heaven with the number of Morraines and Arretes!) the first half of the walk was fairly tough going, as it was steep and over loose dirt, but, once at the ice proper, we donned our crampons (cool) and proceeded to walk up impossible ice faces, all the time surrounded by eerie blue/white ice, providing really spectacular surroundings.



We carried on like this for about 4 hours, exloring ice caves, walking over crevaces and with jamie Bren and I choosing to take the "scenic route" a few times by climbing up crevace walls with our ice axes. Unsurprisingly, this ended up with jamie falling on his ass at a particularly difficult section, and bren showing us all up by cramponning into opposite sides of a crevace about 10ft in the air, just to avoid getting wet!



Once we were at the highest point, some 800 metres up, the view down the valley was truly breathtaking, with waterfalls cascading down the valley sides, fed by other smaller glaciers and the large rainfall we've been having.



We enjoyed our lunch of ham sandwiches washed down with some crisp ice-cold glacial water, bliss! It remains to say that Ice axes are the coolest thing, and that I'm champing at the bit for another chance to use one!

The worst sufferer on the ice was the poor Israeli girl, who seemed to spend more time sitting than standing, suppose she's not used to ice! We got back at about 5PM, where I treated myself to an ice cream (appropriate) and admired my "everything but the sunglasses" tan that the glacier had given me. We collapsed in the hostel, exhausted (it's the only time so far that I wish I had a bath to soak in!), cooked some food and went out to the bar again for a few social drinks. I left Bren with the rest of the bus whilst Izzy and I had a chat and a smoke (her not me) and we finally got to bed after lights out... (wink)

Well, it ended up being quite a quiet one in the end, I saw hannah and Millie at the bar but didn't go to say hi, they seemed a bit busy/drunk! All my kiwi bus fellows and I, including the ever brilliant Lurch, decided to have a few drinks accompanied by an excellent jukebox soundtrack. had a nice chat with Iz and watched in awe as Mike, a seasoned snooker player, absolutely decimated everyone at pool. Wish i'd have had some money on that!

The next morning: Rather brilliantly, my first sight was of Janas leg extending out of her sleeping bag, removing a knee high stocking and then slinking back into bed. They hadn't even managed to undress!! This was followed by an exasperated moan of "I want sausages" which caused me to absolutely wet myself with laughter. A fairly groggy morning for everyone (but me) lead us to an old mining town, in which I finally realised my dream to fossick for gold. hallelujah! It turns out that i'm something of a natural, with a fair few bits of gold ending up in my pan, as well as a few pieces of garnet (semi precious blood red stone) I'm rich!




We headed off from the river down to Franz Josef, where we paid for our days hike which is tomorrow (Tuesday) and settled into our hostel, bizzarely bumping into Hannah (the girl in the new years photo) and Millie (her rather nice friend). Everyone's still excited on the back of yesterday, so this looks like it'll be another corker. Lynds, i'll mail you back when I get a chance, but this blog is taking all my net time!!

Will let you know how the glacier hike goes, we even get crampons and an ice axe, how cool is that?!

Every night a kiwi bus pulls up here and every night they have to make imaginative costumes with nothing bu binbags for materials. this was going to be a challenge! We stopped ina little town on the way to get supplies (Sprite and a shiny silver football) and headed off to the hostel.

Les, the 78 year old, was exactly how i'd hoped he'd be. He was funny as hell and really spry for a 108 year old... We unpacked our stuff, managing to end up with the Germans (excellent!) and a John Evans character called Jamie, who turned out to be rather fun. he joined Peter, Joe Bren and I for a kickabout on the beach which was cool, then cold, then freezing. We cooked dinner, our side of the bus had to chop the vegetables for Lurch's pasta salad having won a number of competitions on the way there in the bus. These included passing various objects from the back to the front of the bus, culminating in a backpacker. Slithery! Anyway, dinner was excellent, we had 2 steaks each and as much pasta/many potatoes as we could, wth Jana having grated over 2 kilos of cheese on her own. Good skills love!!

We all retired to our rooms and began dressing ourselves in binbags, with my plan for Bren and I being to go as cheerleaders, I even had a cheer and everything! We made skirts (shorts underneath...) pom poms and pigtails exclusively out of binbags, which i thought was rather impressive. As a finishing touch, Jana put one of her Bras on each of us, to give us a more "Top heavy" feel, and stuffed them with tissue which, sadly, I didn't really need...



The Germans went as vampires, with kneehighs and plastic spiders everywhere, and the lads all went as slappers. Very entertaining! A stupidl;y debauched night followed, with Bren Greg and I playing pool, getting wolf whistled at for having skirts that were a little too short. My favourite was when I was taking a shot, I heard "Does your mother let you out in skirts that short?" Obviously I missed. We all ended up around one table, with Team Canad dressed up as (worryingly sexy) babies and Greg and Kelly dressed up as little bo peep and a lost sheep. Bless.... Flaming sambucas followed, as did an increasingly blurry sensation, and an increasingly flirty sensation with Izabel. One thing led to another and we found ourselves in the kitchen at about 1AM, only for Les to come barging in with a torch, make his excuses and trundle out. Nothing took place as FAR too much had been drunk, but suffice it to say I had a really good night.

Jet boating. It's exactly as fast as it sounds. Someone discovered that if you squirt water out of the back of a boat, then it goes forward. They then took this further, surmising that if you squirt a lot of water out the back of a boat, it goes forward quickly.

Then, some nutter put a 7.6 litre V8 in a boat as light as a small car, and we discovered that it goes very fast indeed.




at 60 bucks, this is by far the cheapest jet boating in NZ, with the coach picking us up from the hostel and taking us to get suited up, with the welcome and slightly niche strainings of Kid Loco's "A grand love story" to keep us entertained. We put on our yellow waterproof trousers, a yellow hood, a blue waterproof jacket and yellow light amplifying glasses, making Bren and I look more like Ali g than Sasha Baron-cohen ever has! Respec!



Going down the buller river, the second largest in the Souther hemisphere, at barely tickover, "Doc" our driver, decided to give it some stick, and promptly reared the boat up out of the water with stupid amounts of acceleration. Not content with this, he then precedded to veer in a very contreolled but terrifying manner at the gorge walls, missing them, seriously, by inches! We ended up at the mouth of a small river called black river, which, as it's name suggests, was full of black (deep red) water. Convinced that he was going to turn around and continue up the Buller, Brena dn I were amazed when he caned the boat up Black river through a space about 6 inches wider than the boat. Up grade 3 rapids. Absolutely awesome.

The trip back featured more of the same, with a genuine difficulty to hold on tempered by me convincing myself to hold on with only one hand, to make it more exciting. As a final trick, Doc decided to do some "Jet spins" which consist of throwing the boat round on a sixpence from 40-50 knots through 270 degrees or more. Fantastic stuff, made all the better by me turning round to see that Bren was absolutely soaked with the wash. Unlucky seat allocation Bren! We rushed back to the HQ, had some tea and cookies and then shot off to meet with the Kiwi bus, going for a scenic stroll around the "Panckake rocks", alternate strata of limestone and chalk, and looking at blowholes blowing vast plumes of water into the air. Pretty cool stuff!! Our stop for the night is a little place on the beach called Mahena Pua, which is a reputed party night run by a 78 year old. Interesting...

Drivey drivey bus go breaky! Somewhere outside of westport, the poor bus decided it had taken its lot, and made neutral the only gear available to Lurch.



We all dutifully disembarked and sat in a field, talking, snacking and joking, until it started to rain. I donned my poncho, much to everyones amusement, and promptly got photographed from every angle by Team Canada. very embarassing... After about half an hour the replacement bus showed up and we hoiked our luggage from one bus to the other and set on our merry way, stopping off for some beautiful pictures of the coastal road. It's no big sur, but it certainly was pretty!

We stopped off finally around lunchtime at a beach to the far South of Abel Tasman national park, where we could either go for a water taxi ride and then a hike, a scenic water taxi ride or sea kayaking. We opted for the second option as we'd already sea kayaked, and were feeling lazy. Mike and Hannah, the charming welsh couple, Peter, Joe and the Germans all decided to come with us, and we sped along the coast in the hot/cold extremes that only a 450 BHP boat can provide. We saw split apple rock, which is a spherical rock split right down the middle, and a couple of gorgeous beahces from the 92 flanking the national park.



Some of the holiday homes in the national park, built before it was made into one, were absolutely stunning! Our next stop was an island where seals come to rest, play and get on down, with a few of the seals playfully waving their flippers at us, all quite lovely!! Our last stop on the way back was to pick up team Canada from their hike, which they'd enjoyed, but were clearly knackered. Oh what fun it is to be lazy!!

We decided, for once, to have an early alcohol free one, choosing to watch the Simpsons, eat and then watch Jackie Brown, getting to bed before midnight. Joe somehow managed to get sunburn on his neck from 5 minutes of sun expoure today, which is peeling like a goodun, earning him the nickname, leprosy boy, coupled with Peter constant coughing as Plague man. Quite the duo!!

Greetings from Franz Joseph, home of the Glaciers! First sight of wellington was a rather unsettlingly large Nazgul on the roof of the building opposite our hostel, which was pretty damn cool! Our night in Wellington was pretty cool in the end, a whole bunch of us including the Germans, Jana and Christine, "Team Canada" Izabel, the saucy Aerobics instructor and Tanya, and Joe and Peter amongst others went down to the bar in the hostel, base backpackers, and had a few drinks, with Bren and I starting a game of 21 which got everyone very drunk very quickly!! We obviously ended up getting to bed at around 3, just the thing when you have to be up at 6... Had loads of fun and got to know a few people (the above mentioned...) a whole lot better, which was really good as the bus had been a bit fragmented until then.

Next day was a lovely drive to Westport, stopping off for supplies and "Oh god, my head" moments. Nelson itself is nice enough, with the hostel being pretty nice and homey. Oh and directly above a bar. the jukebox was really, really good, with Joe peter and I selecting a wave of absolute stormers, ending in a nice game of cards and drinking, and the brightest moon i've ever seen. It was so beautiful that one guy next to us managed to fall off his chair trying to take a photo!! Funny stuff! Greg and Kelly, the American firefighters from San Diego stayed up with us into the wee hours playing "31" which, it would appear, I suck at.

Right now, white water rafting was absolutely brilliant. Bren had been once before with his uncle in America and was extolling the virtues of it quite animatedly, so i was raring to go by the time it came to it. The place we stayed at awas a beautiful little lodge in the middle of nowhere at the bottom of a valley, and accessibler only by an unsealed road. Proper rustic stuff!! We unpacked our bags and tramped down the hill, only to find that we'd been put into the bunkhouse instead of the 18 person dorms. Quite the blessing as it turns out. We (I) cooked far too much pasta bolognaise and ended up giving some away to the infinitely grateful girls in the kitchen at the time. We all sat around in the main dining area and, whilst at the bar, I spotted bottles of pre mixed Kuhlua and Milk. White russians all round!! Unfortunately they were 10 dollars each, so i only had 3, but the cheap ass jugs of beer more than made up for it. Greg, Kelly, Tor Bren and I played a few card games and then progressed on to giant Jenga, with Bren and I proving to be by far the best at it. We then came up with the rule that whoever lost had to buy the other competiors a round of shots, which Greg and Jana dutifully did. I must mention, however, that Jana's shots were about the nastiest alcoholic beverage I've ever put in my mouth, and that's saying a lot!! Apparently she just ordered "Four nasty shots and one nice shot" Thanks for that...

As befits a close skill match, we had an epic battle royale, one on one, in which we couldn't move the middle pieces. After about 10 "It's SOOO going to fall over" moments, Bren emerged victorious. Can't wait for the rematch...



Next morning we were up at 7:30 for the briefing, and then into our wetsuits (very funny getup), into the bus and then into the raft. We had a few group photos with Janey our guide, and then got into the water, which was unusually high for this time of year due to the heavy rainfall we've been having (so it IS useful) We were shown how to paddle, what to do in the rapids and how to get the raft to turn.



Now, we went through a few grade 2 rapids to start with, which were fairly tame, but, obviously arrogant in my complacence, I didn't hold on when janey shouted "Bump" and promptly got propelled into the F*cking freezing water, with a look of absolute shock that everyone in the raft is STILL talking about. Embarassing aint the word... Once i'd finally clambered back into the boat, the others were allowed to jump in whilst Janey and I paddled the raft to catch them if they strayed to far, and to help them back into the boat.



We went over some rapids called "the calm" with everyone else still out of the raft, which, unsurprisingly, came before "the storm". Brens face as he went under was a picture, but it did look like great fun. Somehow Greg managed to ghet a bit lost and so we found an eddy to shelter in while he swam his way towards us. Not an easy man to get out of the water, he's well over 6ft!



When we got to the proper stuff i can honestly say i've not had so much fun in water in my life, it was absolutely excellent stuff, with all of the rapids we went through being level 5's, which is the highest level navigable by raft, and one of them actually being so treacherous that someone actually died there two years ago!! She only told us this after we'd been over it, which, in hindsight, was for the best!! After all the craziness, we were taken to a 5 metre high jump rock, where we could jump into the river if we wanted to. Bren and I jumped (sic) at the chance, and it sure was cool (cold). We got to shore, loaded up and showered, finishing up with a nice breakfast of chex. Hmmm, warming!

We left the lodge at about half one and drove to wellington, which took about 4 hours, during which I watched Ice age again, which is one of my favourite films. Cool!

Fucking awesome. Now, I've been doing my best to curb my language in this blog but I really had to pull that one out to describe jumping out of a plane at 12000 feet!! We were held back until 4PM in the end, which was VERY fortunate as it gave Bren and I time to get the best hangover cure in the world down us: The full English breakfast! We were picked up from our hostel at 4 and driven to the airfield, where we suited up and were taken through a "thorough" 3 minute briefing. I was introduced to Pete, my German man-rucksack, who was really friendly (bit worrying that...) and who asked if I was nervous.



bizarrely, I wasn't a bit nervous or scared, so when we boarded the plane and took off, I just sat back and enjoyed the amazing view over lake Taupo, a volcanic crater lake the size of Singapore, and just talked to Bren and Pete. Oh, and the intimidatingly attractive Swedish girl who's name escapes me at the moment. There's always one isn't there! Anyway, we climbed steadily for about 10 minutes until the whole lake was visible and the buildings were stupidly small. The door was pushed open and the Swedish girl was walked to the door between the (incredibly lucky) first jumpers legs and gone. Blink and you'll miss it stuff in the extreme! Bren was next and I must say, it's quite a strange feeling you get when you see some guy push your best mate out of a plane... I was up next and, utterly gracelessly, I waddled over to the door where my legs dangled into a 150MPH sidewind and DROP. Pete flipped us round and my first sight was our plane disappearing rapidly into the distance, and a huge feeling of euphoria as the lake and surroundings came into view. Now, there's nothing I can do to describe the feeling of falling 8000 feet in 45 seconds so I'll leave you all to discover that for yourself. All I can say is that it really didn't feel real. Throughout the 45 seconds of 130MPH earthbound plummet I looked around, swam through the air, whooped with delight and got generally overwhelmed by the lunacy of what was going on. Suddenly, Pete opened the chute and we slowed right down, seemingly standing in the middle of the air. The next 5000 feet takes 6 minutes, during which the instructor spins you round, banks and generally does what he can to show you a good time (and what you had for breakfast...). Rather suddenly, we came across another chute, which happened to be Bren, so I gave the "OK" signal, which Bren responded to, shortly before being spun into some kind of hellspin which realistically ended his day by making him hyper nauseous. The ridiculousness of standing 5000ft up in the sky next to your friend has to be experienced to be believed. Baffling. The landing was pretty cool, with my sensible shoes that I had decided to wear getting a lot of airtime in the free video that was taken. Rather ridiculous. We all formed up for a group filming session and went through to the TV area, where we were shown our ground video. Bren was so ill by this point that he couldn't even watch it as it involved spinning and turning. Something he REALLY could have done without! We both bought the obligatory "I threw myself out of a plane and I'm still alive" T-shirt and went back to the hostel, with me soaked in adrenalin and Bren soaked in the sweat of a man that needs to go to bed.

It was at that time that we remembered that we hadn't collected our "Paddy" cards, which we had both qualified for, or for that matter, Brens credit card!! We both ambled down to Mulligans where we were instantly recognised, rather heartwarmingly in fact, and had our mugshots taken for our cards. I'm sure that we looked pretty ropey after over 10 pints and 12000 feet of gravity related shenanigans. Rather brilliantly, there was a pub quiz which we obviously had to attend, so we went back to the hostel (via subway...) and fetched the lads, set up shop in a corner and proceeded to get a wee bit tipsy again. Rather brilliantly, as Paddy's, we had to order every drink in Gaelic or we were fined a dollar on each round. Talk about responsibilities!!

The quiz was pretty good in the end, with our team "The unnameables" getting 43 out of 50, in 5th position. Bren called it a night at about 11, and I stayed on a bit longer, leaving after a few more drinks. On the way back to our room I spotted Izabel, one of the Canadian girls, on the balcony and went over to join her. We chatted for a little while until the others came back from the pub, and then proceeded to have a bad joke telling festival, which was a really rather amusing! What IS E.T. short for...? Got up bright and early the next day and headed off to River valley for some white water rafting and white Russians. I'll tell you more about that later, as i'm absolutely starving!! The photos are brilliant though...

"I like a do the cha cha"

p.s. Bren's actually fallen asleep next to me as i'm typing this, the man's a machine!!

Photos!! The photos are finally here, thanks a million Jamie, gonna have more before long!!

Black water rafting at the Waitomo caves was awesome! For those of you who don't know, black water rafting is rafting through a cave system on a rubber ring. Very dark and very cool(cold)! In order to do this, we had to don wetsuits, the trousers of which made Bren and I look like some bizarre aqua farmers or something... This was complimented by white gumboots, purple shorts and a miners hat. The photo's a cracker!



Anyway, we jumped into a river to check the buoyancy of our rings (!) then on to the caves, the entrance to which was a lot smaller than I thought! We had a hell of a time floating about in rapids, and even got to jump off of a waterfall backwards into the plunge pool, in pitch black!! We stopped for a bit and were told to turn off our lights. In the darkness, we looked up and were stunned by the roof which was glowing green with glowworms! We sat there for a while, before turning our lights on and having a look at an eel which had hidden itself in a little hole in the rock. Cool, and, unlike Australia, non lethal!!

Benjamin, our guide, was a bit of a joker and, whilst negotiating a smaller ledge said to me "you look like a jumper..." Whilst holding my float for me. Not one to pass up some fun, I turned around and jumped backwards, whilst Benjamin promptly removed my float... Everyone laughed it up as I surfaced, miraculously in the middle of my ring. "Well, I'm in" I shouted. The last part of the trip was the coolest, as we formed "The eel" which involves everyone linking feet under arms, and floated out of the cave in complete darkness, with the ceiling lit up green by thousands of glowworms. It was about that time that I managed to spin around, and in an attempt to right the direction I was going in, and to stop Bren kicking me in the ass, managed to lacerate my hand on some rocks. Nice. We floated down the river back to the van and got out, cold but very happy.

Uneventful night at the hostel, the bar next door closed at 8, leaving Bren and I to sit with some of the others drinking our beer we'd bought and watching Bend it like Beckham, which annoyed Bren greatly. Obviously, being a huge Kiera Knightly fan, I was having a hell of a time, aided slightly by a strange footsie-type arrangement with a girl called Laura.

We got up, nice and early and got off towards Taupo, driving through more mist topped mountains and past mount doom! It's a wonder Frodo got up there at all! We stopped off at a bridge which was 40 Metres above a river, just to give us a taste of what the bungee was going to be like. Interesting... We then went to a "natural bridge", a limestone arch over a gorge. Frankly, it was much less interesting than the Indiana Jones style swing bridge we had to cross to get there, but then I have been to lots of limestone formations in Oz. Next stop was New Zealand's third biggest waterfall, which, swelled by rainwater was plunging it's muddy-brown heart out down a 60 metre drop. No Niagra but easily better than the falls in Australia. Shortly after this, Lurch handed round his "Paddy" card, which he'd earned in a bar called Mulligans in Taupo. Now to earn this, you have to have 2 of every beer on tap, order your drinks in Gaelic and sing "Wild rover" off by heart. To spice things up a bit, Lurch decided to start a raffle where by the winner got to take their "Paddy" for free and we all got to act like it was their birthday. Dutifully, I took Lurch's hat and collected $2 from interested parties, and managed $34 dollars in total, enough for one birthday boy or girl.


Finally, we went on to Huka falls, which is truly awesome. It doesn't fall very far, by the water from all of lake Taupo (bigger than the island of Singapore) squeezes through an 8M wide gap, before plunging over a 15 Metre high ledge. The amount and force of the water was breathtaking! Suddenly, out of nowhere, a "Huka jet", a stupidly fast speedboat, came roaring up the river and performed a variety of handbrake turns before speeding off into the distance. Looks like fun!!



Once we got to Taupo, we put our stuff in the hostel, put on a wash, cooked, and then went to Mulligans at 6:30 to get an early start on our Paddy course. Things were looking good after 5 pints, we'd got the obligatory "before" picture so we decided to get another at the halfway (ish) stage. Got chatting in halting German/perfect English to a rather gorgeous German called Jana, who was impressed by my accent and posed for a rather fetching photo with me. Top stuff! I shall be doing my bit for Anglo German relations tonight, so wish me luck!!


Beers 6 7 and 8 proved a bit difficult, but by now, we were singing wild Rover almost from memory and ordering in Gaelic like natives! By the end of the night, we were clearly the centre of attention, with Bren chatting to a girl with a single black glove on who asked to be called "River Nile" Quite annoying, but we struggled through, finishing the last Amstel in fine style. That was until Bren threw up, sadly missing the toilet bowl but getting his shirt pretty well... I, apparently, didn't think that this was enough and so went to a club with Greg and a few others, dancing like a goodun until I fell on my ass, was thrust upright and continued to dance as if nothing had happened. Fantastic.



Woke up early for no reason whatsoever, looked at the photo's, which included a classic of the inside of my mouth, and went back to sleep. Woke up properly at 11, got some breakfast, obviously feeling "Top o' the world" and got ready for our skydive, which, sadly, has been rained off, hopefully until 4 today. We actually got to go to the airport, and have been shown the various videos etc of people falling through the air. Champing at the bit now, really can't wait!!

Sooo painful. Slightly painful head now, so I'll probably make little or no sense in this rather long post... Here goes!

Well, after the geothermal park and cultural experience, Bren and I decided that there would be no better way to finish off the day than to attend a Hangi, a traditional Maori feast. This was held at a replica Maori village outside of Rotorua, which we got to by coach, driven by a rather amusing Maori called John. In order to be accepted into the village, we had to go through the "challenge ceremony", and to do this we needed to appoint a chief. Greg, the American, was chosen as our chief and he, along with four others, was shown to the front of the crowd. Tribal music started to build up, and build up, until suddenly, the chief turned up, flanked by five hakaing Maori's, and proceeded to challenge our chiefs, before dancing/stancing his way towards them, and finally laying down the leaf of peace in front of them.

We were shown in, where we were treated to various displays of Maori culture, including the poi dance, stick throwing and various dances. We then entered the main concert hall, where we were treated to a display of Maori dancing and singing, which had a distinctly Hawaiian feel to it. The chief then told us the history of his people, first in Maori, which was really cool, then in English. They finished off with t Haka, which, confusingly was preceded by some Spanish guitar playing!

Finally, we were shown to the hall where the Hangi was being served, which was really a rather welcome sight as I was unbelievably hungry! We ate and ate until we could eat no more, and then watched as the chief's were given Maori pendants to commemorate their chiefdom. Then, out of nowhere, the serving staff formed up and proceeded to Haka their hearts out, scaring the bejesus out of those too full to move...

On the way back, John made Greg lead us all in some rowing so that the Waka (bus) would get home quicker. This was accompanied by a Brazilian girl singing "She'll be coming round the mountain" as we circled the roundabout about 10 times. Not the best thing on a full stomach!!

Got back to our hostel where we played some pool and then fell asleep, too full to do anything else.

Crud. Damn blogger lost the last post that I typed. Quite annoying that, as it had loads of stuff in it, some of it was even interesting!! Anyway, i'll re type it tomorrow, cursing blogger all the while. Oh that, and those coin operated internet machines. Should know by now really!

All that remains to say is that i'm throwing myself out of a plane at 12000 feet tomorrow at 1PM NZ time, so if those of you in the UK could be thinking of me around midnight, that'd be great. Hope I don't soil myself...

After this, we were shown to the geysers and the hot mud pools, which were really quite cool, but the smell of Sulphur purvading everywhere made it a bit hard to take photos. What made it even harder, though, was when the camera ran out of batteries, just as Brena nd I got to the vista point at the top. Bugger!

Later that night, Bren and I went to the ultimate Maori experience, the Hangi, held at a traditional Maori village. The coach driver who took us there was called John, and he proceeded to make our journey really quite fun! He chose a chief from our party to represent our bus in the challenge ceremony, and we all disembarked, waiting for the chief to come out and welcome us.

Once we had been welcomed into the village, we were shown around the village itself, where various Maori traditions were being displayed, including poi dancing and stick throwing. We were taken into the main concert hall and treated to a spectacular concert, involving Haka, dancing and, bizzarely, Spanish guitar. From there, we went to the food hall, where we had a fantastically elaborate and huge Hangi, which proceeded to immobilise all of us with its sheer volume! To finish, they performed a number of dances, finishing with the Haka, which scared the hell out of those too full to move. That'll be everyone, then...

In Waitaumo at the moment, have had a great day and night, but that'll have to wait until I get a bit more change for an internet cafe! Bye for now!

Well, since last I blogged i've been a very busy man!! Once we'd settled into our hostel, whoich had a massive climbing wall from the ground floor to the third, we waited for the bus to take us to Rotorua geothermal and Maori park. Once we'd got off the bus, we were greeted by a massive maori chap who proceeded to tell us all about the history of the Maori people, as well as showing us round the Maori museum, and into the carving apprenticeship school where new master craftsmen were being trained. It was quite the sight to see, especially as he then took us to the fortified vilage, which was decorated with the types of works these men will produce in the future.



The best bit though, was when he took the men into one of the buildings, and the women into another, and proceeded to show us the Haka, as the girls were shown the Poi dance.



After a bit of practice, we were shown into the main building, where the girls showed us the poi dance that they had been practising. Not to be outdone, all the guys stripped off their shirts got onto the stage and proceeded to do the most fearsome Haka we could manage, resulting in me losing my voice for a good half hour. I've never seen so many scared girls in my life! Fantastic!