Ronking round the world

2004-05-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

Well, it's all over! Back in the UK after the best 6 month period of my young life. Greeted by smiling family members holding, bizzarely, a picture of me with a Bengal tiger. Apparently that one caused quite a kerfuffle in my Dad's office.. With a huge woman's singing voice providing accompaniment, I smoked the cigar that Mark Adams gave me upon my departure, bringing to an end my six months and signalling my safe return. Cheers Mark! Despite the change of pace/temperature, I'm really glad to be back. Bren and I went out and met up with Jamie and Mark for a good old fashioned knees up, finishing at Collide-o-scope. Sadly we got there a little late and were unable to stake our usual early claim on the stage for dancing purposes. Got the night bus home and periodically fell asleep, much to the amusement of the other passengers. ]

Collected Fi's bike from her Uni and am all set to give it a good fixing.

Now I can't really think of anything poignant to say about the past six months, so I'll just end saying that it's been fun, and really given me a perspective on life and the things I thgought were important/took for granted before. I really won't be quite the same again, and that's a really comforting thought.

That's about it from me, apart from adding a few more photographs and the odd movie, so bye bye, and I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed doing what's contained in these billion or so words...

2004-05-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

Well, it's our last day! Mixed emotions at the moment, as I know I'll be really glad to see everyone when i get back, but, I am indeed going to have to get back to work within about a femtosecond of returning...

The bus journey yesterday was a pretty mixed bag. The first half, spent in Cambodia, was along something that didn't even qualify as a dirt track. I think the best description of it is a "series of potholes with rocks thrown in for good measure" Added yto this, our driver was also a psycho, and Bren, who had the "privilage" of sitting in the front with hi, informed me that we were almost killed at least 4 times when the dirt track gave rise to huge bomb cratersduring suicidal overtakes..

The half time changeover at the Thai border gave rise to a much better situation. Sadly though, the ATM's were absolutely infested with begging children, grabbing everywhere they could to get some money off you. Quite sad really, but I'm hardened to it now. The bus through Thailand was a huge airconditioned behemoth, whioch whisked us along the (tarmac) roads in fine style, even dropping uis off 300 yards from the Khao Sahn road! We checked in to Chart hotel (the one we stayed in first time around) and headed straight to burger king (Bren was starving) wher Bren managed to eat his double whopper with cheese and bacon SO fast that he physically wounded himself.

We both went for a lie down (I've become a massive insomniac again and got 3 hours sleep in Siem Reap) and I came down to use the internet after my shower. We went to an Irish pub (!) and drank beer, transparent vodka and cokes and copious White Russians, all to the strainings of an average band with an excellent singer.

Finally, we went to Lava bar, where someone else had already created a dancefloor, saving us the trouble, and got our grooves on. Through doing this, we attracted a pair of pretty Thai girls, an Bren, really rather drunk at this stage (the man's become even more of a pune than me!) decided not to resist and went off with her, leaving me with the charming "Deedee". (It geniunely is more difficult NOT to get with a girl around here, as I later found out) Now, Bren doesn't remember this, but, as he was leaving, I vigerously shook my head mouthing "please don't go!!". His response was to keep a completely blank facial expression, keep eye contact with me, and slowly reverse out of the bar. Cheers Bren...

Anyway, it took me about 45 minutes to convince Deedee that she wasn't spending the night with mw, and that she was indeed getting a taxi home. With that done, I wandered into the hotel, slamming loudly against the metal shutters at the front, and went to sleep with my shirt on (slightly creased now) Bren turned up at about 9AM with 2 huge "Big gulp's" full of Sprite. Legendary. we both had a few more hours shuteye and got up at 1. Off to see Glickman, then to buy stuff from Bangkok (souvenirs, pressies etc) then we need to find a pair of scales to wigh our bags, as the ones my Dad seems to have built-in to his arms are a bit inaccesable at the moment...

See you all soon!

2004-05-20T21:37:00.000+08:00

Back in Bangkok, which, strangely, feels like home. Angkor Wat was amazing, almost as amazing as the ambient temperature (I tanned in 5 minutes, no word of a lie) Will write all about it when I get a minute. A matter of hours until we fly home, so Bren and I are going to bow out in fine style: By getting drunk on White Russians!!

Fantastic!

Will write again soon..

Told you I would! Anyway, Angkor Wat is a huge complex approximately the size of the island of Manhattan and built about 1000 years ago. We decided to get a Tuk Tuk around it, as it is clearly quite large and we'd been warned by the (gorgeous)French girls that we needed three days. True to form, we only had one... We got to the Tuk Tuk office a little late (I insisted on having breakfast) and we trundled along to the complex. Best moment was whent he driver's hat came flying off his head, with me having to run about 100 metres to go fetch it. Our first stop was a temple called 'Angkor Thom" which is easily as impressive as any of the ruins at Ayuthaya. We wandered around there for a while, taking in the view of the place before heading back after about 30 minutes to meet the driver.

We then saw a series of ruined temples, complete with trees growing in them and vines everywhere, including one involved in the first tomb raider film. It's about the most "Indiana Jones" place I've ever been to, and I yearned for a bull whip, some Khaki fatigues and THAT hat, even though i have a disease that makes me look like a moron in any piece of headwear...

We then went to the top of a particularly high temple and sat in the breeze for about half an hour, taking in the view and appreciating the cool air (it was SO hot that i tanned in about 5 minutes, no word of a lie!)

Last stop was Anmgkor Wat itself, which is really REALLY impressive when you consider it was built a millenia ago. Some poeple compare it to the great pyramids in scale, but I think they just edge it, being perfectly aligned with the stars and all...

Anyway, it had a moat that's about a mile square a huge bridge leading to the outer wall, and then an even bigger walkway leading along the perfectly tended grass past the two libraries, and into the complex itself. It really is an awesome structure, capable of housing 8000 monks for worship. It has a huge courtyard and three soaring towers as well as a number of other chambers and shrines littered about. I'll stop trying to describe it now, as I'm just getting lost in superlatives. Suffice it to say, until I go to the pyramids next year, It's the most impressive structure the ancient world has shown me to date.

We got back to the hotel via a petrol station (I had a cornetto...) and had a look at the puppies with the Swedish/German girls (I think they're Swedish, Bren thinks they're German, but they only speak English with a miscellaneous crazy accent!) We watched a few films on TV, including an absolute shitebag of a film called "The Hunted" with Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro (honestly guys, what WERE you thinking!!) Packed and got ready for the early rise the next day.

Unsurprisingly we were late, owing to pancakes (bane of my travelling existance, apparently) and we had to trudge to the bus office in the frankly stupid heat with our packs on. Suppose that's Jesus's way of telling me to only eat pancakes on Jiff lemon day...

As an interesting side note, two of the meals on a menu in Laos have just popped into my head. They are "Day meat, smashed stlye" And the brilliant sounding "Meat paradise" which Bren and Dave were going to order had the group not voted with it's feet and left the restaurant. Sorry guys, but it WAS built on quicksand...

2004-05-18T19:33:00.000+08:00

In Siem Reap at the moment, after a bit of a killing fields overload. The hostel put on "The killing fields" film, which Bren and I decided to avoid by going for a bite to eat. We quickly discovered, however, that the riverside is PRETTY expensive to eat at, and instead popped to an internet cafe for an hour. We returned, safe in the knowledge that the film would be over only to find the hostel in complete powercut-induced darkness. Romantically, candles had been placed everywhere, though. After about 20 minutes, the power came back on and we were subjected to practically the full length of the film. What with us having to be up just after 5 the next day, we enjoyed a beer each and went to bed at about 10. Yes, 10.

Best moment of the evening was definitely my Fatherly intervention when a little kid started playing with a pair of scissors the size of gardening shears. It did become apparent, however, that in a country of 6 million landmines, the overly concerned parent would be rather swiftly rendered a nervous wreck...

The bus journey today wasn't too bad. It got off to a bad start when the chef refused to make me Banana pancakes that I'd been looking forward to for about 2 days. I decided to sulk and not have any breakfast. A move that soon lead to me eating dry bead with water on the coach. Brilliantly, Cambodia has very few paved roads, leading to a rather bumpy and interesting ride from Phnom Penh up hereto Siem Reap. There was also the obligatory half an hour spent stationary for no reason, and more road-based cows and roof based scooters than you'd care to shake a stick at. Favourite moment was undoubtedly at the Cambodian version of Little chef. The best delicacy I've seen by far was on offer, in the shape of fried spiders as big as the palm of your hand. The guy in front of us partook of one, and seemed to enjoy it.

Off to Angkor Wat tomorrow by Tuk Tuk for the day, which I'm looking forward to, then booze, bed and bus to Bangkok. We SHOULD be there at about 5PM, but, after recent performances and after seeing the state of Cambodias "Roads" we'll be lucky to get there at all...

I miss adjustable suspension...

2004-05-17T19:49:00.000+08:00

Hello from Cambodia, unfortunate home of Khmer Rouge landmines and hate crimes. Bren and I went to the killing fields today at Cheoung Ek, taken there by a friendly and knowledgeable cabbie who's name escapes me. we went in and saw the famous monument, which is a tower filled with over 800 skulls of the deceased, in age order. You could actually see how some of them were killed by looking at their skulls: Some were bludgeoned, some were hacked to death with machetes, others simply shot. It was all really really saddening. What got to me most was when one of the girls also at the museum touched one of the skulls. I don't know about you, but that seems a little bit disrespectful. That is, after all, the skull of a man who was murdered with a machete. It kind of cheapens the whole monument that you can go inside and touch them, making it no more than a tourist attraction, when it should be a monument in memory of the millions, yes millions, who died.

Bren and I then took a silent contemplative journey to the ex-school and infamous prison, S21, where "Enemies" of the Khmer rouge, actually randomly chosen civillians, were tortured and executed in their thousands. Now I have a reasonably strong constitution and have indeed seen death first hand, but nothing could really prepare me for the images that I saw there. Men, Women, even children tortured to death in a futile attempt to release secrets that they had no hope of knowing. Tortures like drowning, stocks, pulling fingernails out with pliers, thumbscrews, whipping, all unimaginable to the average person. Row upon row of faces, gripped with fear and racked with the knowledge that they were soon to die. It was really rather terrible and I must say a tear welled up in my eye when I saw the pictures of the youngest victims, barely ten years old.

Despite all the horrific imagery and the inevitable sadness it has caused, I'm really gad that I went. No visit to Cambodia can be complete without homage to this important yet shocking chapter in its history. I think one guy summed it up when he scrawled on the wall of one of the cells "The pain of man's inhumanity towards man is unbearable"

2004-05-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

Last film we watched in Vietnam was, appropriately, good morning Vietnam, which was even better than I remembered. We preceeded it with finding nemo, which Bren actually enjoyed too!

Well, we got up in time for our bus, which was a pleasingly air conditioned leviathan. We shared it with an excitsble Irish guy, a trio of yanks and a smattering of British girls. We reached the border afetr a fairly pleasant drive, and disembarked to be faced with the crappest border-cum building site we've seen yet. It really was shite!

Unfortunately, two of the English girls had already been into Cambodia on their single entry Visa's and we had to lend them the money in Baht. Lucky we had some spare as Cambodia has no ATM's at all!... This crazy no technology theme was coninued when we pulled up at the petrol station, which was little more than a jerry can on a bamboo frame powered by an old man and gravity. quite the picture!! The journey onwards was pretty bizzarre, with unsurfaced roads, cows on the unsurfaced roads and men on scooters on the ROOF of buses on the unsurfaced road. Fantastic stuff!

We booked into the OK guesthouse, which is OK, got some food, booked a cab to tour the killing fields, met soem GORGEOUS French girls, watched 3 films including Lost in translation, whcih I put the French subtitles on for (Brownie points to be had...)

I absolutely adored the film, I'm so glad too as I've been wanting to watch it for ages and I'm glad It's lived up to my expectations. Also, I want to go to Tokyo so badly now it's unreal. Damn you Sofia Coppola!!

Off to Siem Reap tomorrow to see Angkor Wat, and then off to bangkok for jewellery detail and the flight home.

2004-05-14T16:22:00.001+08:00

Last night was a fairly relaxed affair. bren and I ate at a Mexican restaurant, bought some DVD's and hired a DVD player for $3, as we had to be up early for the Cu Chi tour. We watched Me, Myself and Irene and "Stuck on you" both of which were excellent, and drifted off around midnight. I turned into a sleep spaz once more and woke up at 5:31, precisely 1 minute later than yesterday, causing some fatigue today. Anyway, we were driven to the tunnels in a minibus, talked through it all the way by an ex-Vietnam veteran with the SVA, called Jackie. He was very knowledgeable, and told us all about the history of the conflict as well as a nuimber of stories of his own.

Our first stop was a rubber tree plantation, recently replanted after the entire area had been defoliated by agent orange. This is the action that caused the inhabitants of Cu Chi to move underground, with some 20000 of them housed in over 250km of tunnels! The only distraction from Jackie's speech at this point were ants the size of small dogs that seemed intent on climbing up my trouser legs...

The first display was of 3 Vietnamese women, 2 were Viet Cong and one was a VC infiltrator working in the US camp. All rather interesting! We next went to some of the tunnels, with our guide's assistant demonstrating how well the entrances of the tunnels were hidden by simply appearing out of nowhere! We all had a little clamber through the tunnels, which was unbelievebly hot, pitch black and had a free bat and millipede thrown in for good measure! Brendan at this point had the misfortune of getting stuck behind "Hans" whco had joined us for this trip as well. I made the jopke that he'd been punching his way through the tunnels, whch raised a jolly good laugh. We looked at the hospital, and finally arrived at the dining room, where we ate Tapioca (a root) which wasn't half bad!

Next up was the booby trap demonstration. There were some seriously nasty traps on display involving rusty nails, bamboo shoots and Barbed spikes. The most violent of which was called the "Smashing trap" which was worse than it sounds... Jackie then showed us a vidoe made by the VC, and then the method the VC used to keep smoke from their cooking fires invisible to the helicopter pilots. all really interesting, and building up to the bit that, sadly, I was most excited about: The firing range. Bren and I indulged ourselves by squeezing some 25 rounds off, firing 10 each with an AK-47, and me firing a further 5 from a Colt .45. Quite a kick from that one! Nothing can prepare you for just how loud an AK 47 is firing a few feet away from you, it was really quite startling!

We all got together for a drink or two, boarded the bus back to the Happy Tours office and had lunch. Our Cambodian Visa's will be ready at 5, at which time we'll book our bus to Pnomh Penh which leaves on Sunday at 8:15. Tomorrow is to be our day of rest, which I'm really looking forward to!

Interesting side note on my negotiation of Vietnamese traffic. Whilst crossing the road, I skillfully negotiated my lane of traffic, before being caught in some kind of trance by two blondes in a rickshaw. After a little while, I looked to my right to see about 10 scooters bearing down on me, all of which managed to avoid hitting me as I was indeed standing perfectly still. Muppet. At least it show that the system works!

"Way to look right, sweatpatch"

2004-05-14T16:22:00.000+08:00

An excellent day, and indeed a day of rest ws had tonight, as I've just got out of bed at 3PM!! Yesterday was pretty cool, we watched Mars Attacks and listened to some music before giving the DVD player back and heading off to get a bite to eat and have a few drinks. We ended up going on a bar crawl, which was pretty cool, and then on to a club called "Apocalypes now" which was pretty good. Until it closed at 1 that is, what a gyp!! We asked a few vietnamese girls where else was open, and they suggested a place right next to our road, which we SOMEHOW had managed to miss earlier. Brenand I and the trio of eager to please Vietnamese hopped into a cab and headed off there, with the girls making the incorrect assumption that we were going to pay for their drinks, when all we'd done is ask them where a club was! This unhderstandably pissed bren and I off, so we paid for our drinks, had a bit of a boogie and left for a restaurant as we were a little hungry after our tapioca based lunch!

We both had burgers at a place on the road, where we met a kid called Lao, who was abdolutely brilliant! I flaked at this point and went to bed, whilst Bren taught Lao "The handshake" and chatted to the two Danish girls sitting a few tables over from us, who were very preoccupied with the fact that the prince of Denmark had married some Aussie girl...

Fair play Bren, fair play!

2004-05-13T17:28:00.000+08:00

Now THAT's more like it. Woke up in plenty of time, courtesy of a wake up call that was simply "Wake up now!" shouted down the phone in our room. Showered, had breakfast and got a (free) scooter to the office where the miniubus took Bren and I, 3 Swedish girls (splendid)a Canadian girl and some kind of german bodybuilder (henceforth known as Hans) to the War Remnants museum (formerly the "American war crime" museum. They changed the name so as not to offend American tourists.) Anyway, the museum itself was as well presented as it was poignant and shocking. The imagery, accounts and displays went from informative to shocking, all without being too over the top. There was a display of US military hardware, which I enjoyed, reeling off what was what, causing Bren to ask whether I was the tour guide... I shut up after that. We went on to the "Reunification palace" which is a structure built in the Art deco style in the 1960's, and therefore instantly disliked by me (I have a thing against art deco) We watched a film, which was ver informative, and then went upstairs to the Presidents entertainment lounge, which was the best 1970's batchelor pad I've ever seen. Well done sir!

We had lunch, and then finished the day with some shopping in Chinatown, where Bren bought a bag, and a tour of a temple and a Pagoda, which were both rather attractive and ornate buildings. The best bit about them was the lake FULL of turtles at the pagoda. Awesome!

We're off to the Cu Chi tunnels tomorrow, the 200KM network of tunnels that the Viet Cong used against the US around the city of Saigon. We get to crawl in the tunnels and generally find out what conditions were like during this terrible war. We've also got our Cambodian VISA's to look forward to, as we pick them up tomorrow at 2PM.

This city is excellent!

2004-05-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

The most annoying single event of my life occurred today. We woke up at a reasonable hour, 9 I think, after I'd been kept awake for most of the night by a cockroach chirping in the corner of the room. Anyway, we set off for the Mausoleum, taking about 30 minutes to get to the park that we thought was the entrance. Apparently, and I've said this before, Lonely Planet maps are shite, and we'd gone far too far along the road. We backtracked, managing to find an entrance to the complex, before immediately being whistled at by a soldier (packing heat) and told to walk round. Now, after about another 20 minutes, and no less than three blocked off entrances, we arrived at the ticket office, to be told that it had closed 2 minutes ago and that we could come again tomorrow. No amount of explaining that we were flying to Saigon in 2 hours would persuade her otherwise. What a total bitch.

Anyway, we trudged back, which took a lot less time than it did the other way, and visited the STOP cafe, where we're now officially regulars (they knew what we were going to order and even how we were going to eat it!) Had a meal, walked back and were promtly asked where we'd been all morning,. We advised them not to worry as we still had a whole five minutes before our cab left... Seat of the pants again...

Anyway, packed, paid for the room and drinks and cabbed our way to the airport, which was absolutely insane as the whole "Horn not brakes" driving method is even more terrifying first hand!! We got to the airport and checked in etc without event, with the plane being a wee Airbus A310 which was quite cute. I even got a meal on the way! the craziest thing was that the plane touched down on exactly the SECOND that it should have donw, impressing Bren and I no end. Way to fly pilot guy!

Arrived in Saigon and got a cab to our hotel, which is absolutely gorgeous and 5 dollars a night with aircon, fridge and TV. Saigon itself is brilliant, we're booked on a tour of the city tomorrow (no more closed museums for us!!) and on a tour of the Cu Chi tunnels the day after (the ones the Viet Kong used against the Americans during the war) Really looking forward to both days, and indeed a nights sleep without cockroach calls!!

Here's hoping...

2004-05-12T22:06:00.000+08:00

had a great last night in Hanoi. We stayed in watching a few films, some of which were good and some of which were bad. We left to go to the night market at about 9, with me internetting until about 9:30 before i went up to get Bren, who was watching cruel intentions! We've got a market to get to man!! Anyway, the market itself was a bit of a washout, the one in Vientiane was far busier and the Khao Sahn road was far more bustling. We had a look around and stumbled upon some kids playing football, in the middle of the road! It's clearly the donwe thing as no-one batted an eyelid. It was now that a tiny little kid ran up to Bren and I and shouted "Hello!!" in the most excited voice i've ever heard. he didn't know quite what to do when we reciprocated, but his mum came to fetch him to save him any further linguistic embarassment, smiling all the time.

We went on from here to a lovely restaurent on the banks of the lake in the centre of Hanoi. We got tables with our own personal fans (bonus!) before an army of people came in and we were forced to relinuish one of them, and move, if you'll believe that!! Anyway, two of the girls took a shine to Bren and I, and, after a protracted "She loves you", "Are you married?" and "can I have your phone number" conversation, the Spanish guy that was with them put their ice creams on our table so they had no choice but to sit witgh us. Anyway, it was certainly an experience, htye were great fun to talk to but, shockingly, Bren and I were estimated to be 28 years old... Slightly depressing don't you think!!

We went on to Funky monkeys, after exchanging email addresses, and we had a drink while I bought the T-shirt off one of the Barmaids backs. it's too funky to not have one to show off at home, so Fi, you'll have to do your best!! Got an early night as we were due up early to go to Ho Chi Minh's museum and then fly to Saigon (or Ho and Go as Bren put it) Cracking night!

2004-05-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

Well, we're booked on a flight to London on the 22nd (midnight) arriving at London's Heathrow airport at 6:45 in the AM. Sorry Mum, Dad and Fi, beauty sleep isn't an option if you want to pick me up... On an interesting sidenote,the traffic in Hanoi is absolutely amazing. They use the horn instead of the brakes and miss each other by microns every few seconds. Being a pedestrian here is a mtter of confidence and blind faith, with Bren and i regularly walking out into swarms of scooters and miraculously emerging unscathed at the other side. The secret is, boys and girls, constant speed. Remember that! Oh, and look out for bicycles at red Traffic lights: The silent killers!!

Saw the water puppet show yesterday, which i thought was absolutely excellent, but Bren got a little bored a little way in. It's not for everyone I suppose. The pictures don't really do it justice though, as with all these things that are stage based.

Went out to a bia hoi bar, where litre steins of a rather tasty beer could be had for 10000 dong (about 40p) which are enjoyed whilst sitting on the chairs that primary school children use. They really are tiny, I think the logic is that when you get utterly drunk on cheap beer, you have less distance to fall.. Got a little tipsy on them and then headed off to a street vendor for some excellent cheap food (40p again) before heading off to Funky Monkey's and haveing a few more Tigers with Dagni, Nicky and Julie, two of the girls we'd met on the bus and one of their friends from New York State. we had a great chat and a few drinks, before Nicky and Dagni left. We walked Julie back home and then ambled our way back home, watching some god awful film with Christopher Lloyd in it,something about a dead uncle Fred. Anyway, we're offto Ho chi Minh museum, as the mausoleum is closed after 11Am, despite Nicky's insistance to the contrary... Booking a flight to Saigon today, as we have neither the time nor the inclination to spend another 8 weeks on a train/bus that may never actually arrive at it's destination...

Off DVD purchasing in a minute, after booking ourflight(for 1.5 million dong!!) On a side note, I've been walking, no strutting, around with over a million in my money belt for a day now.

Who the man? Damn right it's me...

2004-05-10T14:33:00.000+08:00

AArgh! Blogger's all changed and I'm not fully equipped yoi deal with it! Went out in the end to a place called funky monkeys, which has the coolest T-shirts in the world, I want one!! Met up with an English guy called Mark and his vietnamese friend Son and had a few beers and a chat, followed by a Jenga fun fest. I decided to make it interesting after 4 games and said that the loser should buy the rest a shot of tequila. Unsurprisingly I bought it tumbling down and found myself spending 160000 dong on Tequilas(!)

Mark, after having made the comment that he was "A tequila man" managed to spew spectacularly when i was in the loo, cauysing much mirth for the rest of us. The Aussies also came in (saw them on their way past purely by chance) and we sat down and had a chat, agreeing to meet up with them tomorrow (today) for water puppet show and a meal/cheap beerfest. Fantastic! We then went to a club where we got vodka redbulls, boogied, and then promptly left after getting too much attention from the local MALES. Not pleasant..

Off to change our tickets from Bangkok today (with any luck) then to see various craziness before our water puppet show at 5:30. can't wait!

Chris out...

2004-05-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

Sweet zombie Jesus! I have now recovered from what i can only conservatively describe as the worst journey of my entire life. What should have been a 22hour gruelfest turned into a 38 hour close-to-breaking-point instrument of torture! It started out innocently enough, with the bus on;ly half an hour late. Our problems started when we realised that the airconditioned bus, in fact, had a "Open the windows" airconditioning system. Not too impressive. The bus showed us the full extent of it's ,echanical merritsd by stalling 2 out of 4 times in the journey out of Vieniane (glorified village, without much glory) with the gearbox making horrific grinding noises and the driveshaft making an awful vibrating almost breaking noise. We wound our way through mountains, along stupidly narrow roads with the bus almost stalling at every hairpin, until finally it refused to go into second or any gear above 1st. We coasted across a bridge, arriving at a shrine, where the driver got out and made an offering to Buddha.

Now I'm not really a believer in this sort of thing, but the damn thing went into second first time, and all the gears above. Bloody miracle! Still sounded awful though... we made it to the border crossing where, distressingly, the bridge was closed to all traffic. We'd arrived there pretty late, about 4 AM, where I was in desperate need to lie down. I managed to find an unused Laotian farmhouse, where I got about 10 minutes sleep on top of a pile of fertiliser pills. I THINK i'm a bit taller now...

Anyway, I awoke to the sound of what seemed to be a second world war bomber descending on my head, which was in fact, a HUGE beetle, which I duly kicked out of the air and squished. Too tired for any kind of compassion, you see... I got back to sleep for a bit when, inevitably, the roosters began crowing! This was followed by about 20 chickens being released into the area, making all sorts of noiuse and, indeed, getting worryingly close to my head. It was at this time that the bus driver hooted, getting me up with a start. Time to go, apparently!

We drove down the little dirt alternative rouate into a queue for trucks, and waited for about 3 hours to be ferried over the river on ancient Vietnnam war era pontoons. Safe they weren't! Anyway, we made it over and began driving, with me managing a little bit of sleep before we got to the border, which I can only describe as an absolute shambles. It took about 2 hours to get processed, costing random dollar notes every now and then for no reason at all.

I really wasn't prepared for what I saw next. A rockslide had closed the precarious dirt road, and a JCB was being used to clear the rocks and dirt out of the way. It's final move was to effectively punch the ground to flatten it off, giving us a firm ewnough surface to drive along. Fantastic! We carried on, relatively uninterripted, with only the random music/lights being turned on to disturb/break us... It was around 6PM when we finally stopped for food. This is where the Australian couple we were with managed to order beef and noodles and rice and noodles, which was the first food Bren and I had eaten in about 36 hours!! It was really rather nice, and cost about 4 dollars. We paid with a 10 dollar note, which the waitress promptly returtned to us shaking her head,. we thought hey didn't have enough change, and so added all the bills to\gether, which came to about 6 dollars, and went to pay for it with the same note. It was now that the head watress came and said "No good!" poiniong us to the, now obviously, fake 10 \dollar note we'd been given in Vientiane. I may have sworn at this point, and I also may have declared my absolute hatred for Vientiane. Fortunately the Aussie couple came to the rescue and paid for us, so we now owe them about 50000 Dong. Sounds a lot doesn't it?!

Anyway, we got going again, only to stop for no reason 3 hours later. We got going again and pulled into a petrol station just outside of hanoi, some 14 hours late. 10 members of the bus were taken in a minibus to the town centre, and the rest of us were taken to the bus depot and made to pay for a minibus, adding to my horrendous rage no end. We finally found a guesthouse where we checked in, with me having to get on the back of a scooter to get some money from an ATM. Now I know I ride back home, but I've tried to avoid scooters here as I would hate to get some stupid injury on a 50cc when i've stayed uninjured for so long on a 600cc sportsbike! Anyway, we showered, producing the most dirt I've ever seen from my body, watched about half an hour of aa Woody Allen movis with Tiffany Amber Thiessen in (Awesome!) before falling into an amazingly needed sleep.

Woke around 5, walked abround Hanoi and saw the Jade tower in the centre of the Lake, and did a bit of shopping. We went to eat, with me having a lovely clear chicken and sweetcorn soup only to find at the bottom, what no man should ever find in his soup. Guessed what it is yet? No? Well, it was indeed the testicle of some random animal. How I didn't spew I don't know, but suffice it to say I've been feeling a little ropey all of today! Bought 3 HDCD's for 1.50 each, including the Kill Bill soundtrack. I'm so glad I bought a Harmon Kardon HDCD player!!

Bren's in bed at the moment, for a change, and I'm downstarirs, contemplating joining the Aussie's for some 20 cent a litre "Bia Hoi" (Draught home brew). I'll try to wake Bren first but if not, I'll wander into the night to try to make freinds and influence people!

Despite all this, Vietnam is excellent and I really can't wait to see it with less tired eyes.

2004-05-07T13:44:00.000+08:00

Last day in Laos. Vientiane is without a doubt the tinyest capitol city I've ever seen! It really is a glorified village. Best place to eat is the Scandinavian bakery, the cheeseburgers are excellent. there's also a good curry house called the Taj Mahal, but that's about it! Going sightseeing today, so the tripod is definitely going to get an airing. Booked on a 6PM bus to Hanoi, which will arrive 22hours later.

Just realised that I only had one meal in the whole of yesterday. Interesting... Next post will be from Vietnam, which is rather cool. Will get to the Chu Chi tunnels in a week or so, which I'm really looking forward to, and, just maybe, I'll get to see some dolphins as well...

2004-05-06T19:57:00.000+08:00

Today was obviously hectic, as the bus left at 8:30. Woken up at 7:15 by the sound of horrendous torrential rain, scuppering the idea of motorbikes for the third day in a row (much to Mel's joy!) We didn't get to say goodbye to Dave and Peter, I did open their door to find them all snuggled up in bed though. All together no, Ahhhhh... I was going to take a photo, but that sort of thing can indeed land a guy in jail if taken out of context...

Said bye to Ruth and Han (rude not to really...) with a cuddle and the promise of Oz information, and swayed down the Deathstairs(TM) to fetch Bren. Packed, said our byes to Mel (we'll see her back in the UK) and hopped into a Tuk Tuk which whisked us down the road/river/floodplain to the bus depot, where the bus was just about to leave. Seat of the pants....

The journey passed pretty easily, with the absolutely gorgeous Laos scenery marred only by the psychotic nature of our bus driver, who, honest to God, nearly killed us about a dozen times, and lord knows how he managed to avoid hitting those cows and water buffaloes! In Vientiane now, hungry and busting for the loo. Both were sorted out, using curry and a toilet respectively. Booking our bus to Hanoi tomorrow where we'll change our flight dates (hopefully) and recover from the 22 hour bus journey.... Looking forward to Vietnam now, as I've heard lots of good things from fellow travelling types. I'm also hoping to have my own Nam flashbacks that I can tell to everyone I meet, and hopefully wake up screaming every now and again...

Anyway, all that's left to say is that it was great to spend three excellent days with some really fun people. Han, Mel, Ruth, Russell Dave and Pete, it was great chatting/drinking/sitting uncomfortably with all of you, and I hope we get to meet up in the UK.

2004-05-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

Goodness gracious me, will I ever learn?! The day was spent with various people sleeping off/walking off the previous nights indulgances. Spent a lot of time sitting on the balcony listening to Dave's CD player, which was absolutely excellent. I've not heard good music in a long, long time and I MAY have gotten a bit carried away. NOW I miss my CD player and have a playlist in my head of what I'll play as soon as I get back home!

Anyway, once we'd assembled most of the troops, minus Russell (Wat watching) and Bren (In bed!) we wandered off to see what Luang Prabang had by way of markets and such. We got as far as the first bar, where we sat down on a wall at the bank of the Mekong, sipping Beerlao! and watching the sunbset over the m,outans across the river. Absolutely beautiful, and one of the most "Wow" moments of the trip!

Anyway, Dave, Mel and I finished up our beers and went off to fetch Russell and Sir Sleepsalot, returning with a showered Russell and relativey refreshed Bren. We wandered off to a nice airconditioned restaurant, featuring the most elaborate toilet-based fountain ever conceived, and ordered far too much food resulting in a game of musical plates in which every dish seemed to end up near Bren. Bloater!!

An amazing conversation ensued about cartoons, including The Centurions, of which Russell had an amazing knowledge, Transformers the movie and the seven lost cotoes of gold. Amazing stuff, and one of the funniest events in ages. Dave also managed to cop the nickname "Normal Dave" whilst at the same time being gifted a nemesis in the shape of "Un-normal Dave" You had to be there, I guess, but it was seriously funny.

We headed off to a bar after dinner, ending up at a 2 for 1 cocktail establishment, were we ordered 2 cocktails each, expecting, foolishly, that one of them would be free. As you'd probably guessed, we all ended up with 4 cocktails, of which most were made entirely of, or laced with, poison. My "favourite" intolerable poison drink was the Mad dog, which was made of 3 seperate layers, a layer of scum, a layer of sand, and a layer of crap, all mixed in with Tabasco sauce. It was quite the ordeal finishing them, resulting in a few of them being left, for the sake of all that was good.

We ended up in Hive again, where Bren and I ordered white russians to wash the taste of concentrated evil from our mouths. Perter had wandered off before the cocktails, and was sitting with HyperTenseMan(TM) whom we'd met in Chang Kong a few days earlier. Not a fan...

Finished up our drinks and sauntered oiff into the nigfht, mindful of the stuopid midnight curfew. Obviouly, I then piped up with "Who wants a piggyback?" which Ruth answered with a brilliant level of enthusiasm. On yer get lov... Carried her all the way home, sadly not managing to convince her to kick anyone in the arse, which was a shame.

We all conveined to mine and Brens room, where we had another tears of laughter inducing conversation, all helped along by generous helpings of "Sprodka" Got a email adresses, which I'll now use, and a few reminders of some of the craziness that's been the norm over the past few days. Obviously I didn't sleep in my bed, Imposing once again on Ruth and Hannah. Just didn't fancy sleeping in a double bed with Bren, is all....

2004-05-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Fantastic! Last night was the most fun I've had in South East Asia, no word of a lie. We all checked in to our guesthouse, I showered and then it was off to a "Roadside Cafe" which was essentially some tables next to the road. The toilet was also interesting, as you had to walk through the kitchen to get to it. Upon my return, the once quiet road was now rammed with cars, driving along in a convoy for some "Lao Thai friendship rally" It was honestly a good minute before I could cross, causing Mel much amusement! We ate some nice food, washed down with a bottle of "Beerlao!" and then wandered off to find a bar to continue the night's revelry. We'd managed to meet up with a guy called Darren, whom I managed to name "Reginald.T.Dufus" as he was a bit of a Dufus, ytelling some awful jokes in the slowest voice I've ever had the misfortune of hearing. It was SO annoying!

Anyway, we headed off to a funky Londonesque bar called HIVE, where Bren and I proceeded to order a raft of White Russians which were excellent. I had to pay for one of the rounds with a 1000 Baht note, resulting in me getting change in so many Kip notes that I physically couldn't close my wallet. I wish I'd have taken a photo of the wad, as it was really rather ridiculous.

Anyway, mindful of our midnight curfew (sucks!) we wandered back to our hostel, stopping off for beer and coke to mix with Vodka. We all piled into mine and Bren's room and sat chatting and drinking, randomly sticking beerlao labels to the wall, which will doubtless impress the cleaning staff... We then headed off to the balcony as we were getting a little noisy, only to be told off for making too much noise by one of the guys in the rooms nearby!

We all piled back into our room, where Mel partook of vodka and coke. This lead to the harshest comment of the night, which was also hilarious. We were trying to figure out how to mix the Vodka and coke, coming up with the idea of pouring the coke directly into the vodka bottle. This was no good as there was clearly too much vodka for it to drinkable. At this point, Mel piped up "Why don't you pour the vodka into the coke bottle?" I then retorted, without thinking and with perfect timing: "Because the coke bottle's full of Coke, Einstein!" causing everyone to crease up with laughter.

We all retired to our respective beds, with me electing to sleep in Ruth and Hannah's bed, leaving Bren for some alone time. Quite the sleeping arrangement, only marred by the fact that apparently, I hogged the pillows. I DO like to be comfortable.

Today's been cool too, the weather's been crappy, negating the bike idea, but we all went on a "Quest for bacon" which, brilliantly, did result in bacon. The funniest bit was when Hannah and Dave made a bow and arrow out of a cocktail stick and some thread from Han's pants! It even fired an arrow, also made of a cocktail stick, with a flight and everything, a good foot. Fantastic work, and truly in the spirit of the quest!

Probably another drink-based night, with Bren and I leaving for Vientiane tomorrow on a bus. Won't be too heavy, but I'm sure it'll be great fun!

Have also been reminded of the funniest comment made by Russell two days ago. he was telling a story about how he couldn't get this girl's bra off "in the moment" and came out with the immortal line of "It must have been a safety bra" honest as you like, which was absolutely priceless. One for the memory banks, that...

2004-05-04T19:28:00.000+08:00

The night in Chang Kong was pretty cool in the end. We went to a bar and had a beer whilst watching my copy of Kill Bill, as the bar owners copy was a bit crappy. Got back to the hotel where Bren decided to open the windows for some breeze. I heard the smash from the bathroom, and, sure enough, Bren had managed to smash one of the glass slats, causing the people in the next room to jump quite vocally!

We crossed the Laos border at some ungodly time in the morning, being ferried across to Laos by a tiny little boat, even less seaworthy than HMS Seld-m-sink in Bali. Got to the other side, where we met a few of our shipmates, and were taken by Tuk Tuk to the Jettyy, where we boarded without a doubt the most uncomfortable vehicle I've ever been on, and I've ridden a Ducati!!

Spent the journey admiring the scenery whilst becoming increasingly uncomfortable. The trip itself was really pleasant, with loads of beautiful scenery to admire and pringles to devour. It was just the crippling discomfort of tiny wooden benches that spoilt it... We met a few of the people on the boat, including Dave and Peter, two guys from Watford, and Mel and Russel, a traveling duo from London and "somewhere up North" respectively. Arrived at our destination some 7 hours later, where we were besieged by kids offering to take our rucksacks (for a price of course!) before deciding on a guesthouse using the power of random decision making. We unpacked our stuff, haggled the price down 50% and then headed to the restaurant for noodles and beer.

We ended up having whale of a time, with the aforementioned people and "Ruth and Hannah" who were both great fun, even though Ruth likes The Streets... We ended up getting uproariously drunk on BeerLao, which is actually quite tasty, and vast amounts of Sangsom (Thai Whisky) and Coke. It was at this point that Dave visitedthe vomitorium and took himself out of contention, clambering into bned for an early night.

The rest of us, urged on by me (of course) carried on, retiring to Bren and my room for more drinking in more comfortable surroundings. I ended up with peter and Russel in the girls room, with Bren and Mel occupying our room... We decided to play some kind of bizarre game in which, obviously, we had to strip... Russel left at this point, leaving Peter and I with Ruth and Hannah. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Loas guy entered the room and plonmked himself the bed, jsut like that, simply saying "I kiss girl?" It took a few seconds to take it all in, but I managed to say that they were our girlfriends and usher him out of the door... Baffling!

Things got more drunk, ending in a game where Peter and I had to see who could remove and replace a bra in the fastest time... I managed to win, despite having no glasses on, which I was quite chuffed about! We got to sleep in the end, Oat I have no idea what time, with me being the gentleman and taking the floor. Good for the back apparently!!

Woke up feeling fantastic, as I often do after boozefests, got back into my room, packed and got downstairs. We paid our "Huge" bill (5 quid each including food....) and boarded the boat, not quite last but around there. This boat was obviously some kind of luxury boat, as the benches had been replaced by garden furniture!! I turned my chair round to ace everyone (just in time to see Mel being sick over the side!) Thisjourney was far more enjoyable, as we had our little squad of pals and stories of derring do from the night before. What made it extra cool was Dave lending me jis CD player so I could listen to "My Immortal", as I bought "Fallen" a few days ago. Yes, Gary, they are very good, and I'm sorry for calling them "Linkin park with a girl" He had loads of other cool CD's too, including Jeff Buckley, Kid A, Think Tank and the Doves. Quality!

We're now in Luang Prabang, on the banks of the Mekong, which is pretty nice. Our hostel arrangement is interesting, as I have to share a double bed with Bren (should be cosy!!) I must say that the scenery and conversation on the cruise has been the best thing I've done in ages, and, what's more, we actually got to speak to some people whom we were able to hold an actual honest-to-God conversation with! My God!

May be staying here another day as it seems a shame to leave the gang just as it's formed. May be hiring scooters tomorrow to see some waterfalls, so I'll keep you posted. Should be a LITTLE different to a 600cc sports bike!

And yes, Mum, I will be careful...

2004-05-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

Given that Seinfeld is the funniest thing on TV, here is a petition to sign to get Columbia Tristar to speed things up a bit and release it on DVD!!

2004-05-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

In Chiang Kong, a stones throw from the aos border, where we'll be bedding down for the night. Last night was sent watching the dull Arsenal Vs Birmingham match, and then sprinting to 7-11 hal;fway through the Man U game, as a tropical storm decided to douse the area. Lucky I spotted it brewing before we got too wet! The journey here was quite uneventful, but exceedingly hot as the other members of the bus couldn't/wouldn't open the windows, relying on the "air conditioning" which was little more than tiny fans, instead. Driving across te border tomorrow then getting a slow boat down the Mekong which I'm really looking forward to. Dinner today was a bizarre mix of a fried egg, some kind of rice with leaves and miscellaneous meat, and an entire pineapple...

We're going to figure out what we're doing in Laos in two days time, as Vientaine, the capital, is prone to the odd bomb blast and is currently under martial law. Also, Doxycycline has claimed another victim as I now feel nauseous when I wake up. I think I might be pregnant...

2004-05-01T20:16:00.000+08:00

Here's the link for Jamie's pics from our trip to the USA for anyone interested. Will post it on yonder right hand side too for ease of use.

Have actually looked through them again and, I must say, I manage to look like quite the goon in at least half of them. My particular favourite is Incline... The camera adds, like, 10 pounds of stupid face....

2004-05-01T12:46:00.000+08:00

Seat of the pants travelling at it's finest. After having watched Starsky and Hutch, milled arounbd the mall for a bit and done all our medical duties, we decided we'd better get top the train station. We hopped aboard a (dodgy) cab and got to the station at 6:55, with the train due to leave at 7! Note to anyone travelling by cab, if you're loading your bags into the boot, make sure one of you gets into the cab first, or if there's only one of you, open one of the passenger doors so the cab can't drive away with your precious belongings! Got tickets, got to the platform and boarded with 2 minutes to spare. Now, you may remember me mentioning that Bren had left his little black book in Ayuthaya, Well, we got to Ayuthaya a little late, with Bren having 20 minutes to get to the hostel, get his book, and then get back to the station before the last train to Chiang Mai. Well, once again, we cut it pretty fine, as I had to wait til he got back to get tiockets, just in case the train left without us! Suffice it to say, with 8 minutes left, Bren's head popped out of a Tuk Tuk. I gestured for him to look after the bags while I ran to get the tickets. We made it, with about 5 minutes to spare (again) leading Bren to say that "Planning anything makes it boring" Enough said! So, we're in Chiang Mai again, hooray! Bren managed to not sleep at all on the sleeper, again, and so i'm here on my lonesome blogging away. Somehow I manage to get sleep on these things when Bren simply can't. Bren came up with the notion that I must need rocking to sleep, which does make some kind of sense... Rather unsettlingly though, the train staff seemed to be a little too over familiar with the ol' hands, as Bren got "helped along" the train by first, the campest man i've ever met (NOT what you want to wake up to...) and then a "helpful" middle aged lady. Lucky boy...

Anyway, a word about the kids here, as they're so unbelievably happy! Last time we were here, in this very internet cafe, the daughter of the owner took a shine to Bren and ran up to him, cuddling his leg for all she was worth! They all seem so bubbly at all times, probably something to do with the weather and/or tweenies.

Anyway, I WAS planning on doing a Thai cookery course here, but, as the sleeper was over an hour late, I turned up too late for it, and so I'm undertaking an internet course instead, so to speak. Booking our river trip down the Mekong on a slow boat as the speedboats "Sometimes have accident" which isn't all that encouraging...

2004-04-30T19:09:00.000+08:00

Can't be bothered to blog at the moment, will tidy up the last few posts in a day or two. Needless to say we took it easy, watched Jackass again, had a bit to eat and then hit the hay.

Went to the hospital today to get a prescription for Mefloquine for Bren, but the doctor said not to bother as it's not that effective. Interesting, we'll see how Bren feels about it! The hospital visit did, however, provide an incrediably amusingf picture of Bren with a thermometer in his mouth and a CV cuff round his arm, sporting a look of utter dispair! Saw Starsky and Hutch today, which was just as brilliant as I'd hoped it would be. One for the DVD wish list that. Hope they have it for a quid in Hanoi... Off to Ayuthaya to pick up Bren's little black book, then on to Chiang Mai on a sleeper (again) and then into Laos. Hooray!!

2004-04-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

Craziness! Flushed with the success of jewelry design, Bren and I went out for dinner and beer, sitting down in front of Pulp Fiction, which we watched whilst scarfing food and supping beers. We had 2 large beers, then moved on to an "Irish" pub in which we proceeded to drink heineken and White Russians for England, before having a brilliant chat and, then meeting "The Americans..." This is where things went downhill. We ended up taking a cab to a second venue, in which all manner of insanity took place, the details of which are available on an individual basis Via email, with the title of "Balloon bursting" Anyway, we ended up in a cab back to the Khao San road with the Americans and Kerro, one of the barmaids from the club, who brilliantly had the word "danger" tattooed on her upper thigh. Bren managed to find some people playing football, and proceeded to play until 6AM, coming in absolutely dripping with sweat!

This morning was spent feeling awful, then finally getting out of bed at 2PM, hopping into a cab that took us to the British Embassy instead of the Vietnamese one, meaning a bastard-long walk in the hot sun. We picked up our passports, went to Subway and enjoyed infinite Sprite and a footlong each. Got a cab back and fell into a fitful sleep, with me waking up and coming here, leaving Bren asleep. I'll wake him up at about 10:30 for some food, then it's on to Chiang Mai (again) after going to the hospital to get Bren's Malaria medicine. Now, to find out what hospital is in Thai...

2004-04-28T19:16:00.000+08:00

Eu-bloody-reka! After nearly 6 months of searching, including a number "Not quite right's" and "Do you have that in Jade"s? I've finally got a piece of Jade that is actually quite nice. Bren and I spent about 3 hours being directed from shop to shop, then back to that other shop that we'd already been to, when, finally, we arrived at a specialist Gem cutters. This was on the back of my favourite shop, which, upon not having any Jade, tried to sell me some uncut polished emeralds for 50000 Baht (700 pounds!!) The most frustrating part of the day was not being allowed into some of the shops unless you looked like you drove a car hewn of solid gold and owned several Pacific islands...

The place, called Lambert Holdings LTD, is run by a supercool American Ex Lawyer, who showed me what he had available. None of it was quite right, and so, taking two pieces of the Jade he had, I got the right shade, the right size and then actually designed the piece myself, which is really rather cool! He'll have it ready in a couple of weeks which is just fine as Bren and I will be back this way in 3 weeks time. Hope you like it Ma!!

So, if anyone's looking for some jewelry to be made, and you have a couple of weeks spare, give them a shout, they're on 807 Thanon Silom, on the 4th floor. Tell 'em Chris Ronketti sent you and you'll be fine... He was especially impressed when I mentioned the Goldsmiths. Thanks for the birthright dad!

Anyway, we neglected to pick up our passports, what with the level of busyness of today, meaning that tomorrow is fairly packed. We have to get them, get some Prophylaxis that Bren can actually stomach and then get ourselves on a train/coach to Chiang Mai in time for tomorrow.

Should be good fun, as we're now a lot less pressed for time. Also,my friend at home, Jamie Bolden, has been given the nickname J-Bo by a sleep-deprived Bren. I reckon it should stick, with an "I'm still Jamie from the block" slant on his electoral campaign getting him the grass-roots vote. What do you think J-Bo? Is that cool?...

2004-04-28T13:51:00.000+08:00

Bollocks. The only word that I can use to sum up yesterday. It seems that, despite the fact that it says on the wall in the Vietnam embassy, that a multiple entry visa costs 1700 Baht, the, I'm sorry, TOTAL BITCH behind the counter told us it was 5000, 72 quid, thus scuppering our plans to go to China. I don't know whether she got dumped that day or whether she's just a hateful person, but I now despise embassy staff with all of my being....

I spent the rest of the day mighty pissed off and tired, after being made to wait until after lunch (2PM) to get our single entry visia (2500, 100 on the wall...), as we showed up 5 minutes after 11:30 with our money. Once again, embassy staff... Obviously, despite the "No China" issue, I've decided to continue with my travels, thankfully saving some cash (trip to China was going to be about 200 quid) to spend on my poorly bike when I get back. Currently half-watching "Torque" which seems like a bit of fun, but with the odd glaring flaw. Might buy it for "shits and giggles" if I can find it for a quid...

"You shouldn't pick on girls" apparently...

Paid up, got back, passed out. Woke up at 10PM, ate, watched Jackass, then slept, waking up at 11 thoroughly refreshed. We're now continuing Gemquest(TM) the search for some Jade, which involves us going all over the shop as Thanon Khao Sarn, the road we're staying on, only sells silver and "Gems" which are indeed made of plastic.

2004-04-27T08:13:00.000+08:00

Hooray, back in Bangkok! Took a while but we've managed to find a hotel with a vacant airconditioned twin room. Only problem is that we can't check in til 9, and the Vietnamese embassy opens at half nine. This normally wouldn't be a problem but I haven't slept a wink at all on the coach.

Brilliantly, I was picoseconds from falling asleep at about 2, when suddenly, Brens right arm flinched, whapping me in the face with his tasteful tartan blankie, and waking me up to the muttered groan of "Bastard" from me...

headiong off to the embassy in an hour or so, then checking in for some R&R, followed by a meal of some kind, then maybe booze and a mmmovie. Hooray!!

2004-04-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

had a shower now so feel much refreshed. Also tried out my tripod and it's brilliant, weighs 650 grammes as well...

In other news, it appears someone has relieved themselves on the mat outside our room...

2004-04-26T16:09:00.000+08:00

"Forward planning". Two beautiful little words that make peoples lives so much easier. So, we can't get a multiple entry Visa for Vietnam in Chiang Mai. Pants. We now have to travel back to Bangkok, hand our passports over to the Vietnamese embassy, twiddle our thumbs for 3 days, then get back on the bus to Chiang Mai for a well deserved trip down the Mekong river through Laos.

You may have noticed the phrase "Multiple entry" up there in yonder paragraph. That is because the secret "plan" that Bren and I have is to see the great wall of China, before it disappears for good (two thirds of it have already crumbled away, egads!) That's right boys and girls, I'm going to Beijing! Seeing the Terracotta army too, while I'm there, and possibly getting my ass kicked in a carefully choreographed Kung Fu fight with, I don't know, an 8 year old... Well I have to see if the years of training have been worth it! So anyway, sleeper train to Beijing from Hanoi, then back, then 10 days in Vietnam, then 4 days in Cambodia, then back to Bangkok, then home, Packed itinery but that's the way I like it! There's plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead. Or on the train.

In other news, I narrowly missed being run over today, and I also managed to buy a camera tripod for 8 quid, so things are looking up, in a steady, tripod-mounted fashion. It even has a spirit level and can take portrait shots. Magic! Sitting here supping on my big Gulp Sprite (about the size of a small car's fuel tank), waiting for the 7PM coach to Bangkok, where, hopefully, the Vietnam embassy could just make my day! Chinese Visa is a walk in the park comparatively, as is the Cambodian one, so we won't get caught out like this again.

Anyway, that's all from me, am extremely excited about the great wall, moderately excited about the Mekong trip and awesomely excited to be alive.

"Just because I rock, doesn't mean I'm made of stone..."

2004-04-25T18:31:00.000+08:00

In Chiang mai after a trip on a sleper that involved anything but! The train, when it did turn up , was a little over an hour late. We boarded, veterans at the sleeper train thing, clambered into bed and read our respective books. I had the feeling that the train wasn't moving quite as much as it should, and, sure enough, we were 2 hours behind schedule when they woke us up at an unreasonable 6AM. Finished Bren's book, which was really rather good, and figured out where we were going to stay.

Got here, Tuk Tuk'd to "Eagle House 2" the summer home of some well-to-do bird of prey, and fell asleep til 4. Ate a wonderful meal, discussed Bren's Doxycline induced nausea (we can't find an alternative at the moment) and looked into trips to laos incorporating a Vietnamese Visa if possible.

Leaving things til the last minute does seem to have the odd pitfall. Who knew?

2004-04-24T21:05:00.000+08:00

What a lot of Wats! Have returned exhausted from our temple visiting regime, which was really rather excellent! The cabbie came and collected us at 2, as we arranged, getting off to a good start when the car would barely turn over due to a flat battery. He got it going in the end, and took us first to Wat Phanan Choeng, which had an enormous golden Buddha which people were giving offerings to. I stood close to it, just behind the row of people, when a Monk walked past and blessed me with some holy water splashed from some branches in his hand! We walked around for a bit, admiring all the Buddha images, made a donation and carried on to the next Wat.

This one is fairly famous, as it features a reclining Buddha, quite a rare position for a Buddha statue. Yan Chaya Mangkol, as it was called (!) was lovely as well, with scenic gardens, a large temple in the centre, surrounded by spires, and, this time, a monk and an apprentice walking around the grounds together. The reclining Buddha was also excellent, about 25 metres top to toes, and clothed in a huge orange-silk robe.

It was about this time that we changed from car to Tuk Tuk, as it was getting harder and harder to start. As an accompaniment for this, it was decided by some higher force that, seeing as we were now in an open-air vehicle, that it would rain. Hard. We pressed on, on to Phra Mangkon Bophit, which was one of my favourites due to it having been left in the condition the Burmese left it after the sacking of Ayuthaya. It really gave a sense of history to the place, and you could imagine what it must have been like in the immediate aftermath of the attack! Also, due to the noises of exotic birds, dense tree cover and the state of the ruins, it made me feel like I was in an Indiana Jones movie... We headed form here to the train station to book our night train, and were rewarded with snippets of an 8 girl WWE match from Monday night RAW. Lita ended up winning (I feel so sad for knowing their names) but, obviously, the star of the show was Stacy Kiebler, with her fantastic bum. I reckon Trish Stratus would have won if Lita hadn't cheated though. I digress, we then went on to my absolute favourite, Wat Mahathat, which was another little restored complex. It had Prangs, spires and loads of delapidated Buddha figures, but best of all it was huge! You could walk around the whole thing surveying the ruins, really getting a feel for how it must have been 600 years ago, with the monks walking round, performing their daily rituals, the same as today.

The final stop was the monument to one of the Burmese kings, a huge statue of him on horseback and an even bigger temple beyond it. Brilliant white, with 50 or so steps leading to the prayer chamber, topped with a huge spire with golden Buddha's and a golden tip. Time hadn't been as kind to the structural integrity of this temple, and the top 20 metres or so, the spire and support, had sunk rather alarmingly to the right. We climbed the stairs, paid our entry fee, took the torch given to us, bought some incense and made our way into the chamber. The tunnel leading into it was absolutely tiny, and pitch black. Clearly not designed for Westerners. We got to the chamber, about 4 metres square with a Buddha image in the corner, and had a look around. I made some offerings of incense to Buddha, asking him to look out for my loved ones, did the little hands together motion (Wai) and left to enjoy the breeze. We descended the steps, watched the sun set, taking a few average pictures, and headed homewards, stopping for a picture of the monument and temple across the lake against the backdrop of a rapidly setting sun.

A really enjoyable, but tiring, day, owing somewhat to the fact that I didn't sleep until 6:30 this morning! Don't ask me why, just couldn't! Getting the 9PM night train to Chiang Mai, arriving at 9AM tomorrow. Relaxing there for 2 days then rushing to Vientaine to sort out our Visa's for Vietnam.

2004-04-24T14:44:00.000+08:00

I sit before you battered and bloodied. My assailant made off with 40 Baht and most of my hair. That's right kids, I've had a haircut... Bren and I decided to have a wander for him to get his beard trimmed and me to get my ears lowered, and so we found a place directly above an opticians, with the first place we found being one of those "It's full of women, is it a unisex place or a woman's only place? Oh God, they're staring at us, Bren, let's run away!" types of places. Anyway, the guy cutting my hair moved in a slow deliberate way, gesturing to my hair with a pair of clippers. "Number 2 please!" I quipped, nonchalantly...

"Ow" he said (Thai for yes) and proceeded to shave off ALL the hair on the left hand side of my face in a single sweep. Shocked, I touched the now barren patch and sighed. This was going to be a long haircut. He proceeded to make me more bald, exposing the bright red birthmark on the back of my head for the first time in years (thanks mate...), and then, for the final cut, he went for the cutthroat. Not crediting him with an iota of skill, I said "Mai Ow!" which means "No!". I didn't know the Thai for "Oh God no!" so that had to suffice. He then proceeded to take off the bib thing, after having not touched the top of my hair, the bit I wanted cutting., I gestured for him to do so (I was in all the way already) and he slowly lowered the chair into a dentist style position and then hacked arbitrarily at my head, managing to lance the top of my skull with the scissors. He then slowly moved the scissors towards my nostrils, only to be greeted with another desperate "Mai ow!" from a clearly distressed me.

His coup de grace was to place a wet towel on my forehead, place his palms together and then bring them down onto my head with considerable force in a Mr Miyagi style, giving me what I can only term as a mild concussion. I stood up, dazed, gave him 40 Baht, and staggered off with a similarly distressed Bren, who'd had his face, forehead and eyelids shaved. What is wrong with this country?!!

2004-04-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

What a day! Bangkok traffic is bad at the best of times, and so, it was no surprise that with a desperate deadline, it turned into a huge immobile carpark, much to the annoyance of our insane cabbie friend. His insanity was determined when he wouldn't stop singing, repeatedly revved his engine at a standstill, touched my knee in a worryingly famailiar way, and generally drove like like the hounds of Hades were attached to the rear bumper... Anyway, the reason for our deadline is that we found out last night that Vietnamese Visa's take 5 working days. So, we decided to get to the embassy sharpish, via insane-o-cab, which drove us directly to the doors, leading Bren and I to instantly think we were going to be shot. We weren't, fortunately, but, almost as bad, we learned the truth that I will impart to you now: EVERY EMBASSY IN THE WORLD CLOSES FOR TWO HOURS BETWEEN 11:30 AND 13:30. This is a rather frustrating fact, all the more frustrating given that we had a 14:50 train to catch from a station at least an hour away. Can you see the problem here?

Anyway, we got in, after a lunch with Coffee that tasted like ash and dirt in warm water with spit on it (Blackadder goes forth) and ascertained that we'd have to get our visa in Vientaine, the capital of Laos. Armed with this information, we shot out the door, got the first (non-insane) cab we could to Khao San, sprinted down to our hotel, got our bags, our tickets and hailed a Tuk Tuk to take us to the train, which we wer now informed left at 14:30. Thanks for that, you amiable yet useless tour people. It is physically impossible to get angry at amiable people, which, in itself, got me angry, sadly in a completely directionless way. Anyway, we caned it along the road in our little Tuk Tuk, which leant heavily into corners leading to me hanging halfway out of it to balance it out. It was like riding sidecar, but with a bit more traffic! We arrived at the station at 14:35, sadly missing the train, but fortunately able to transfer our tickets to the next one, at 16:10. Got Sprite, water, and waited for our (un airconditioned) train.

We boarded, stowed luggage and began reading our respective books. bren and I have performed a bookswap now, with me reading some Violent Scottish take on "The Bill" (Low rate police drama for those hailing from somewhere outside of England) and Bren reading Cuba Libre, which is really rather good. Fortunately I took the time to look upo from my book to see the countryside rolling by. Thailand was going all out to wow me, and it was doing really well. The slums of Bangkok giving way to a stream of postcard-perfect pictures in the evening half light. It was a similar story looking out behind me, as the blood red sun reflected and glinted off the waters of the trackside paddyfields. Absolutely beautiful.

Speaking of Bangkok slums, a huge fire broke out today, just South of where we're staying, claiming 3000 people's homes. Didn't see any of it, which makes me feel really rather ignorant!!

Ayuthaya itself is going to be amazing. I've seen the various Prangs (pointed towers) of the 30 or so temples in the area, and we're going on a tour of the 8 famous ones tomorrow. Ayuthaya is a UNESCO heritage site, and the whole town in essentially a National Park. It used to be the capital of the old Khmer kingdom until the 17th century, housing over a million people. No mean feat for that day and age!

Off to Chiang Mai on the night train tomorrow (cue Guns and Roses) for some Thai culture, which I'm looking forward to. We've already got our Loas Visa's so, in three days time, we cross the border into a new country with a new, and almost indecipherable, language. Game on.

Editors note: I have now added 5 videos of the illustrious adventures of Bren and I. The blue mountains, in Oz, Bren flaming a cockroach in Phuket, Huka falls in NZ, An otter recycling in Kho Samui, and a beautiful glacial lake near Wanaka, with Pete swearing at the end. Honestly Pete...

2004-04-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Exciting! Went out for a few beers and a movie, which turned out to be The Last Samurai. Oh, and a lot of beers rather than a few as they were doing a "special" buy three get one free deal. So, after watching the film, getting annoyed with the arsehole sitting behind us, we went back to the room for a blast of A/C and a blast of Vodka, we went out in search of lively drinking establishments. Our first attempt landed us in what I can only describe as a kiosk, called "immortal" in which one girl was dancing with everyone else watching it would appear. We then went on to a promising looking place called "Lava" which looked like a club from the outside but was in fact another bar. The only person dancing was an incredibly saucy girl to my left whom everyone was staring at. With the vodka kicking in and the beers still flowing we decided not to let this stop us and proceeded to dance all the way around the bar, triggering off quite a few other people that were clearly itching to dance. I performed what Bren has termed my "Gravity defying dance" which, apparently, the ladies get a real kick out of.

This is where things get a little hazy. I apparently started dancing with some girl from Guernsey which sparked off some kind of conversation with her, Bren and I and her mate. This continued for a bit, and at some point a Thai girl caressed Bren's beard and asked him to join her at her table. We left shortly afterwards (the place closed) with an upset Thai girl in our wake and two Guernsey girls in tow. We chatted outside for a bit and then parted company, with Bren and I becoming ravenously hungry all of a sudden. I got noodles from a street vendor and Bren got an entire fish, complete with mad staring eyes. It was absolutely delicious actually, with Bren going back to get more, only to discover that the vendor had gone! Curses! Not suffering any ill effects, and the whole thing cost, like 30p or something.

Today was obviously a late start, with the hotelliers slamming on the door to ascertain whether we were staying or not. Bren opened the door to gift them the sight of me semi-conscious, upside down with my legs in the air. In pants. In my sleep sheet though, so they didn't see anything. We got up, breakfasted, and then went to MBK to see Starsky & Hutch and change over our t-shirts which were too big. We accomplished 50% of our mission, as Starsky and Hutch isn't out here until the 30th, but we did see Hellboy which I really enjoyed. The strangest part of the day was when, at the beginning of the film, there was a 3 minute slideshow about the King of Thailand, precursored with "Please pay your respects for the king of Thailand". Everyone in the cinema stood up for it, something I thought was excellent! We ate at a Chinese restaurant, with Bren using chopsticks for the first time, with an impressive level of skill. Bren being Bren, he soon got bored and tucked in with the provided Spoon and Fork. I, however, persevered and was treated to a round of applause when I finally finished my meal.

Thankyou. Thankyou all so much! I'd like to thank my manager, and my trainer, who believed in me every step of the way...

Walked around, bought two belts which are really nice (I only own a single belt) looked for Jade, finding a really lovely piece that was 7000 Baht (100 pounds...) reduced from 8000 baht (Come on now, I mean, it's nice and all but, seriously...) Going to have to go a bit farther afield me thinks. Should probably have bought it in NZ but I couldn't find quite what I was looking for. I'm sure I'll know it when I find it. Going out for a beer and a movie, just one beer though, and not the last Samurai. The cab home was interesting, as it broke down about 200 metres from the taxi rank. I claimed to have broken it with my mind by accident. Walked back to the rank and got into another cab, which promptly missed slamming into an A-Class Merc by about a foot.

Also, Thailand is NOT the DVD mecca I thought it would be, as you can't check the quality and they're 100 Baht. Holding high hopes for either Laos or, more likely, Vietnam. So, if you're after DVD's and you're in the neighbourhood, head to Penang in Malaysia. Top notch!

In other news, Bren and I are now past masters in the art of idle banter. I can't remember the last time that I called him Bren, and he's managed to give me the nickname "Sweatpatch" courtesy of my non-jesus love sweating in Kho Samui. This culminated in me threatening to "Fart on things that he liked" which led to him telling me a story in which he annoyed his brother Shaun so much that he urinated on his bed in revenge. Not someone to be messed with it would appear...

Have just spellchecked this post and it came up with "Hitlerism" for "Hotelliers". Brilliant!

2004-04-21T14:51:00.000+08:00

Spent last night watching some film with Angelina Jolie and Clive Owen, something to do with aid workers, and drinking beers. Avoided the ping pong show, fortunately, and got some much needed sleep.

Today's been really quite productive, have managed to get a CD burnt of my photos from Oz and South East Asia, managed to put our passports in for our Laos Visa's and have purchsed no less than 10 flags each to sew onto our bags. Should show who paid attention in sewing class...

Once we've got our passports back we'll hit the town, in the face if necessary, and have bit of a boogie, probably leaving for Ayuthaya tomorrow.

In other news, I have managed to sweat a perfect heart on the back of my T-Shirt, photographic evidence available shortly.

Looking forward to sweating a perfect replica of Jesus Christ's face in the near future...

2004-04-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

In bustling Bangkok! The train journey was actually really cool, as we had a sleeper. My very own bed on a train, felt a lot like being aboard a second world war submarine though... Managed to get quite a lot of sleep until I was woken up by the staff. We'd reached rural Bangkok, which looks startlingly like rural Jakarta... This theme sadly continued to the Favella style shacks on the outskirts of town. This time, however, quite a few of them were on stilts jutting out of the water, which made them look at least a bit more hospitable.

In an internet cafe now after having got the bus to our hostel (hopefully, it hasn't got any twin rooms free yet...) The bus was quite interesting as it started to move off before I'd actually got anywhere near it. Bren was already aboard and so I had to board a moving bus with my heavy-ass rucksack, made it on only to have my rucksack shut in the doors! An auspicious beginning to my travels in Bangkok! Bren probably want some sleep when we check in, as he didn't sleep well on the train, despite his amazing slumber powers. Have a fairly busy schedule what with applying for Visa's and buying DVD's/sightseeing. Looking forward to the next few days!

2004-04-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

Managed to get the ferry to Surat Thani with about 5 minutes to spare, as is customary with Bren and I. Spent the most part of the 3 hour journey on deck in the blazing sunshine, getting tanned, sweating lots and reading my book, which is getting really interesting now! It all got too much after a while and we retreated to the airconditioned interior for a bit of respite. And for me to slam my head against the TV of course...

Waiting at a cafe opposite the train station now for the train, about 2 hours to go. Will look for a place to stay in Bangkok whilst on the way, as, obviously, nothing can be planned in advance.

Just surfing for the moment, waiting for the train. the poeple here are very friendly, with one of them having an unhealthy obsession with Land Rovers. Joe, you'd be proud of this guy!!

"This is the worst part, the calm before the battle..."
"And then the battle's not so bad?"
"Oh god, I forgot about the battle..."

2004-04-19T13:18:00.000+08:00

Hooray! The perfect end to a brilliant day. Against all the odds, Valentino Rossi, AKA my idol, managed to win his first race on the Yamaha M1 against Max Biaggi, clearly on a better bike. The poor bugger broke down in tears at the end and kissed his bike, what a star! Anyway, we got an early night after that, with me reading my book and failing to go to sleep until 4AM, due, in part, to the raucous cabaret show taking place beneath us..

Today's been a little more productive, we're booked on the ferry off the island at 1:30 and then on a train to Bangkok at 8PM in order to save money on a nights accommodation. We arrive in Bangkok at 8AM tomorrow, hopefully bright and refreshed... Have got most of the remainder of our time in Thailand planned out, hopefully incorporating some elephant action of some description. Will be in Laos in exactly one weeks time, then on through to Vietnam a few days later.

Should be really good as we're taking a tour through the tunnels that the Viet Kong used against the Americans during the Vietnam war. Should be very educational and probably quite moving. Speaking of that, we're missing out on the bridge over the river Kwai, the signature piece of the infamous "Death railway" due to time restrictions. It's a shame but I'll pay my respects from a distance.

2004-04-18T17:50:00.000+08:00

Ended up eating an entire sea bass for 2.50, with Lime and Chilli sauce. The first bite tasted amazing, but the rest of the meal was an exercise in managing not to cry. They really meant it when they added the chilli... Anyway, we ended up meeting Stalker girls sister on a scooter, with a black dog called Ninja as her passenger, it was soo cute!! The match ended up being somewhat of a disappointment, so Bren and I ended up going to a bar to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, which was excellent.

Today's been brilliant too, with Bren and I going to the Zoo and Aquarium. We watched an excellent bird show with a mathematical parrot and some hat-stealing eagles, topped off by the parrots that mugged audience members for 100 Baht notes. The most elaborate mugging I've ever seen!

Next up were the recycling Otters, who took empty bottles from the audience and put them in bins. Brilliantly cool!

The highlight of the show, however, were the five Royal Bengal Tigers, who were absolutely massive. They climbed tightropes, jumped through flaming hoops and looked generally mean and massive, just like Tigers should.

We then went on to the aquarium where we saw some crazy fish, lethal sharks and evil eels. It goes without saying that the male Moray eel is the most evil thing I've ever seen under water. Upon exiting the aquarium we noticed a sign saying "Photo with Tiger" which was what we'd been waiting for. We went through to the enclosure where 3 tiger cubs and a leopard cub were playing. What we didn't expect was one of the Tiger cubs to jump out of the cage and start wandering about. It was quickly followed by the leopard, and, before long, they were roughhousing right next to Bren and I, with the Tiger taking a playful swipe at my foot! Amazing! The main event, however, was the big bastard Tiger in the main cage. I was lead up to it, told to essentially cuddle it and smile. Tigers, in reality, are absolutely huge, with it's front paws being about the same size as my hands! It was around 3 metres from tail tip to nose, but somehow managed to find the time to keep it's coat silky soft... An awesome experience and a priceless photo (well, 100 Baht anyway...)

We then went to see the agro tiger, the one that kept roaring at the trainer during the show. It was pacing up and down, growling and looking menacing, when Bren and I looked away for a split second. Quick as a flash it leapt at the fence between us, huge paw outstretched, teeth laden mouth open wide, and let out a huge roar. Suffice it to say a significant amount of adrenalin was released and we left a few minutes later, in awe of these magnificent creatures.

Am officially the happiest man alive now, as i've managed to find a bar showing MotoGP at 5:30, right next to our hotel. Watching that then preparing to head for the mainland, probably going to be in Bangkok within the next few days then on to Ayathaya, a world heritage site which is supposed to be amazing!

Take care now, and remember, don't play with Tigers...

2004-04-17T16:39:00.000+08:00

Will HOPEFULLY be able to watch MotoGP tomorrow, but am feeling a little bit nervous about where I can watch it, as there's a football game on tomorrow at around the same time. I HAVE to see this race, absolutely have to, so if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to voice them!

Come on Tino!!

2004-04-17T16:36:00.000+08:00

Same old same old. Had a meal, then went back to our hotel room, this time in the company of our good friend Pierre Smirnoff as a cost cutting measure (believe it or not, Bren, the vodka-fiend had no idea his first name was Pierre...). Bren and I watched TV and then had a really great chat, followed by inebriation and dancing in the various bars and clubs here. Bren then went to the loo as I ordered the drinks (like we needed them!) came back, went to sit down and managed to miss the bar stool completely, ending up on the floor for quite some time, twiddling his thumbs for effect. The American girl sitting next to him and I absolutely wet ourselves with laughter.

Got another dance encouragement circle going, with practically everyone in the place looking at Bren and I strutting our stuff. Quite strange actually, felt like some kind of circus act! Anyway, we ended the night at Burger king, as you do, and then went back home at around 3, with me gently drifting off to sleep. Then *SMASH* from the bathroom. I rushed in to see a bewildered Bren and a smashed mirror all over the floor. Apparently he was resting his face on it...

Anyway, got up today at about 11 and realised we were both tired of this lazing around nonsense. Well, Bren realised anyway, I'd known that since Yogyakarta in Indonesia. We're now leaving Thailand within the next few days, as, In Bren's words "All we do is go out and try to avoid Thai women" so it's up and over to Laos, then to the North of Vietnam and down to Cambodia. Should be home before the end of May as there's little point in lazing about in a country when the people you're trying to avoid are it's inhabitants...

Crazy eh? My new slogan for Thailand is this: "If she's shoulder height, then she's alright. If it's eye to eye, then she's a guy..." Happy hunting!

Interestingly, the keyboard I'm typing on has no less than seven buttons simply saying the word "Turbo". Ironic, really, as this is without a doubt the slowest PC I've ever had the misfortune of using. To ice the cake, it also has an absolutely terrifying picture of some kind of demon-child as its desktop, which is wierding me out to no end.

2004-04-16T16:18:00.000+08:00

Last night was spent in an Italian restaurant, as all the Thai ones were closed, then in a bar watching a motorsport crash video. We called it a night early and went to bed, rising at 11 (oops) and going for brekkie, then on to buy some cheap but funky t-shirts to combat my t-shirt deficit (managed to get 3 stolen in NZ from my washing, the bastards!) and to buy Bren some sunglasses to replace the ones that got smashed int he water wars. Sadly, we then managed to bump into Sasi's sister, the girl from Hat Yai (my stalker). We now have to move, no question, as the prospect of spending the next few days with them is the worst thing I can possibly imagine.

It's a shame as I really like living above a cabaret bar, it almost sounds like the plot of a sitcom. The parade of cabaret dancer out on the street as we left was the funniest thing, I've never seen more feathers in my life, not even on the chicken farm next to my sisters school!

2004-04-15T20:49:00.000+08:00

We left at midday to head towards Kho Samui, ending up at Surat Thanin, which sadly didn't have any ferries going over until tomorrow. The drive up there was really cool, driving through Khao Sok National park, looking out the window to see lush jungle and dramatic hills, with sheer sandstone cliffs providing brilliant white focal points. I've not seen scenery like this since New Zealand and was really quite surprised!

It was when it got dark, however, that things became brilliant. Out of nowhere the driver turned on the running lights, which were iridescent blue strips and randomly coloured disco lights!

So, we covered the rest of the distance to the strainings of Karaoke classics, unsure whether we should be dancing or not. Splendid work!

We managed to find our hotel, with air con, realised we hadn't eaten for 21 hours and went out for a meal, which turned out to be pizza. Came back, full, and watched American sitcoms until 1, falling into a restful sleep until 11AM. Bliss!

On Kho Samui now, the ferry took just over an hour and a half, have checked into a hotel which, worryingly, is directly above a cabaret club. It's also markedly cheaper than the other places we've stayed, so we're looking out for the catch... Anyway, we're off out tonight, nothing too crazy, just getting the lay of the land, and hopefully out for a big night tomorrow.

2004-04-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

Crazy! Thai New year is the 13th of April, and is celebrated by having the biggest water fight in the entire world!! We woke up nice and late, about 3 I think, and went to get something to eat. We didn't even make it to the end of the road our hotel is on before we were seriously dripping wet, with Bren's trainers providing a musical squelching accompaniment to the walk. Rather excellently, we found out that the year is 2547. Now the future's not quite how I pictured it, there's less robots and more scooters for a start. Still, I only have to wait another 453 years and I can get myself a girlfriend with one eye and have a robot for a best friend. Can't wait...

Now there are a few standard moves to Thai New years, one is to empty a bucket of FREEZING cold water whilst saying "happy new year" and the other is the slightly less violent "Facial Talc smear" which involves having talc plastered over your cheeks. Now, even this seemingly innocuous act has been modified for more discomfort, with some people adding Tiger Balm to the talc, making your eyes stream like nobodies business! Fortunately, Bren and I had been warned about this by Dale, one of our traveling chums in NZ, and so we swanned about the place wearing our sunglasses and were largely unaffected. My favourite part of the morning was having a girl come up to me with freezing water-filled bucket, performing a spinning move to get round her, and her then electing to dump the contents of the bucket over Bren instead. Fancy-footwork demonstrations available at a price for those interested...

Anyway, we met up with Sa and Nee at their bar, and decided that we needed guns. Lots of guns. Before long, Bren and Nee went off to get some and came back with a brilliant super-soaker style rifle thing, which I immediately fell in love with. Payback time...

Now, there are a few tactics for this sort of thing. 1 is to get the coldest water you can, 2 is to go for the face, or, in the unlikely event that the victim is wearing light coloured trousers and isn't already sopping, go for the groin for that "I've peed myself" look. I used this to excellent effect when we were attacked by two middle aged English guys at a bar. I turned, shouting "Go for the groin!, go for the groin!" and absolutely soaked him in the groin from about 5 metres, causing his mate to crease up with laughter. That'll learn ya! It was a slightly shocking variant on this that really concerned Bren and I . Walking past one of the bars, we noticed that there was a congregation of rather tall Thai girls dancing on a podium. It turned out that they were indeed post-op ladyboys, with one of them grabbing Bren in his "special area" and another saying "Cute boy"... Shudder...

We then decided to take a hard-earned break for beers, obviously right next to the main water filling station... One guy had the main water supply for the entire road, I think it was a fire hydrant, and was filling up vast blue water butts, periodically turning the hose on anyone getting a bit feisty. It was about this time that I got a bit cocky. I'd recently discovered that the most effective head-shot is directly into the ear, and had become freakishly accurate at revenge ear-soakings. Convinced that I could shoot the girl holding the bucket in the ear and then hide the fact that I'd done it by looking away, I shot, hit, looked away, then back, to see her looking directly at me. At this point, Bren also looked at me, as I produced a slow-motion "Noooooo!" in an action- film style, before being hit in the face by a tidal wave of, fortunately warm, water.

From this point it was open season, with me shooting everyone who's ear pointed in my general direction, and, despite being outgunned, I held my own. This wasn't the case earlier though, when I left Bren at the bar, took the water gun, and came back about 30 seconds later soaked, simply saying "I was outgunned.." to a Brendan shaking with laughter...

Bren and I and the girls then went our separate ways, to get some shuteye, go on the internet, and agreed to meet up later on for dinner. Bren and I changed, convinced that there was surely no water left in the entire town, and headed off into the night, walking to Nee's place first to pick her up. Bren and Nee ended up getting a moped taxi into town while I walked, which was possibly the funniest thing I've seen since we left. Bren on a moped with Nee riding side-saddle behind him. Three adults, one moped. It shouldn't work!! I walked, not really trusting the suspension to take us all, and met up with them, ordered food, which was OK (nothing like the shrimps from last night...). Sa turned up, ate and then we all retired to bed, absolutely knackered. Nee has started coughing quite badly now, leading Bren to comment that he's looking forward to contracting "Super Thai Flu". It's only a matter of time...

2004-04-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

Happy new year! Last night was absolutely crazy. After getting only a little bit wet (comparatively, more on that later...)

Bren and I arrived at the pool hall, after having eaten again at the cute little Italian restaurant we're so fond of. I actually managed to have king prawns in some kind of heaven sauce, which was amazing but had to snaffle some of Bren's pizza to stave off the hunger during the wait. Cheers Bren! Anyway, we pretty much stayed at the pool hall, getting increasingly friendly with the charming (and very pretty) Nee and Saa (phonetic, no idea how to spell their names...) who racked up our balls (!) and got our drinks all night. My favourite moment was when Saa asked outright whether Bren and I were gay or not.. Once she'd found out we weren't, they both became altogether more friendly.. Somehow, and I'm not sure how, despite me actually playing REALLY well in some of the games, I managed to lose 10 - 0 to Bren, with me managing to have 2 shots and a ball to go in a really easy position, and, instead, lining up the black and sinking it, before practically crying. To make matters worse I then lost to BOTH of the girls...

Needing a bit of a confidence boost, I decided that my skills would best be demonstrated via the medium of hip-heavy dancing, and so, after they closed, the four of us went to the tiger club, drunk and got merry and ended up pairing off. Not before I'd been asked whether I was gay, again, by some harridan at the side of the dance floor "You handsome man, why you no kiss girl? You just dance with boy all night.." Anyway, one thing led to another and Bren ended up staying at Nee's flat, with a couple of roosters for company that kept him up all night... (he was an absolute wreck when he got in) and Saa stayed at "our gaff" Fantastic stuff.

Anyway, will write about today later, it's been one of the best days of the holiday so far. I can't recall having a wetter more satisfying time roaming the streets as I have here... Also, I'm so physically exhausted and tired that it's all I can do to type, let alone ensure sentence structure is up to scratch.

"I so horny...", apparantly.

2004-04-12T16:44:00.000+08:00

It's official, bacon is the greatest foodstuff ever created.

2004-04-12T16:43:00.000+08:00

I sit here typing, soaked head to foot in what I'm praying is water... You see, it's Thai new year now, and, to celebrate, people line the streets with water cannons, hoses, buckets, tidal wave generaters and what have you, and soak EVERYONE that walks anywhere at any time. We've been the victims of a ute based drive-by today, in which a squad of pretty Thai girls shot Bren straight in the face with a supersoaker, causing him to panic very amusingly. I've just had a bucket of water emptied on me before I came in here, and am feeling pretty damn festive!!

Bren now likes Scrubs, which is brilliant as he'd never seen it before. Sadly I now have another DVD box set to buy. Will it ever end?

Last night was much the same story, getting anywhere required walking, and a walking man requires a soaking, and so we rolled up at bar after bar getting wetter and wetter until we just didn't care any more. It really is great fun, with our motto of "If it's cold it's good" holding true. You see, we established that people would be getting drunk, and, inevitably, one or more of them was going to go to the toilet and fill up their watercannon with something other than water before too long... The band was excellent, again, and the club was great fun, with me becoming almost accustomed to having 2 pairs of hands on me at any given time. The football was also really cool, despite the fact that nobody scored. Pretty much sums our time in Thailand up, come to think of it...

Going to Kho Samui tomorrow for some beach and bar action, then up the Samui archipelago and to Bangkok, where i'll check the money situation and see where to from there. The world, well, South-East Asia, is my oyster!

2004-04-11T16:13:00.000+08:00

Here follows Bren's rather amusing account of proceedings...

"My ordeal began when I needed to complete the simple task of going to
the restroom. I should have known I was in for trouble when the girl
dancing on the bar gyrated an inch from my face moments after I had
sat down.The first hurdle I encountered was an extended leg blocking
my path. As I got closer I expected that at any moment the leg would be
removed allowing me to proceed, but on reaching it the only way past
involved a climb. Realising that this was going to be the situation for the
duration I quickly got on with it and climbed over. That negotiated I
continued onward. There were then various shouts of "hey baby", which
I gratiously declined to reply to. Then out of nowhere I was grabbed
loosely by the arm by a girl seated at the bar. My arm came free and her
nails scraped down my skin, I merely smiled, and continued on my
mission praying that she hadn't broken the skin. There were various
other catcalls on the way and the girl at the door of the ladies nearly
followed me into the gents but otherwise I made it. The problem of
course was getting back. I decided I'd fox them by using the cunning
strategy of walking faster. However the first obstacle on my return
prooved too wily for that. My first mistake was to make eye contact with
a rather attractive girl, my second was the assumption that she'd let me
get past. She danced into my way, I smiled and moved to go round her
left, she moved to block, I then moved to her left but she was too good
for me, and had been there waiting for some time. I decided that my
only alternative was going involve some kind of force, so, she was
picked up and moved to one side and I made my escape. There were
others that tried to block my path but their attempts paled in comparison
and were easily ignored. I made it back to find an obviously disturbed
Ray trying not to talk to the bardancer (who incidently was wearing more
makeup than youd find in most good cosmetics stores) who was
threatening to drape herself all over the unconsenting Raymond. He'd
already paid the bill and desperately indicated leaving, at first I thought
he was going to do a full on runner without finishing his drink but we
opted for the relative sanctuary of upstairs.THE END"

2004-04-11T15:24:00.000+08:00

Morning all! Ate at a lovely little Italian restaurant in the end, had a calzone, which is one of the most difficult things in the world to eat nicely. Now the time difference between wherever I am and the UK has normally been a problem, but, brilliantly, Football in England on Saturday starts at 9PM here, making it the perfect precursor to going out. Game on! And it was on, Birmingham battering Man U in the first half but getting outclassed in the second. Unfortunately it was slightly marred by the constant sound of Millwaukees 'finest' roaring though slash-cut screamin' eagles. I now officially hate the sound of a Harley on open pipes.

Anyway, at about 11 we headed off to the "Tiger entertainment bar" and instantly knew we were in trouble when about 50 pairs of eyes locked on Bren and I. I shouted for a hard left and we found ourselves at the bar at the front, which, obviously had a Thai lady gyrating on it, with a belt made entirely of the word "LOVE". We ordered 2 beers, as you do when there's two of you, and Bren went off to the loo, having his own little adventure which I'm making him write about...

Anyway, while he was gone, I sat there supping my beer, looked up to find the word LOVE about 6 inches from my face, quickly followed by a ridiculously overly-made-up-face. The makeup shotgun is definitely in effect over here, and I think we all know what setting it's on... From looking around I reckon about 13% of Thailand's GDP is spent on makeup for ladies, and could explain their current economic turmoil.. The only thing I could think of saying at this point was "Erm, I'm trying to watch the football" which seemed to stave off the attack for a few seconds. Before long, however, there was the sight of a gyrating ass encroaching in my peripheral vision, so I paid our bill, waited for Bren to come back, and we amscred upstairs.

The best bit was yet to come though. Whilst wandering down a sideroad that was essentially made of bars, the amount of hassle took on an entirely new intensity. Do you remember the game "Gauntlet" in Gladiators? Well, for those of you that don't, it consists of an enclosed walkway containing 5 angry Gladiators wielding various blocking implements and trying to stop you from getting to the other side. The funniest part was when I'd got past my one, using a soinning move no less, turned round to see Bren having difficulties, and looked up to two more girls in blocking stances. Funny stuff, I just wish I'd had a pugel stick...

After about 10 seperate attacks, all to an internal version of the Gladiators theme tune, with techniques varying from physical restraint, feign fainting and the ever popular "Kiss attack" we made it to the other end. We ended up in one of the bars, in which Bren almost, by complete accident ended up "behind the bike sheds", had a beer, used the toilet, the roof of which, rather excellently was covered in London Call-girl ads and went off in search for somewhere more favourable.

A rather brilliant picture on the wall int he "Two Black sheep" restaurent, Phuket.

The bar we ended up in was actually brilliant, with an excellent live band playing excellent Nirvana, Pink Floyd, Chilli's, stones and Oasis. They really were good! Offered popcorn, bizarrely, drank some more beer and headed off to the Tiger's club, via a hotdog stand. Danced like loons, received an inordinate amount of attention, got vodka and decided to go home in the wee hours when the music took a turn for the German, and the girl Bren had his eye on pulled the most repellent curly-haired sweaty man you've ever seen, he was even wearing a vest! Bren then stayed up watching Jimmy White Vs Cliff Thorburn from the 80's, in which Jimmy was described by John Virgo as a "Talented young player" Time zones eh?...

2004-04-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

In Patong now, and WHAT a difference it's made. I'm officially 30% happier than I was yesterday! We boarded the open backed bus in Phuket town and winded our way up the hillside to Patong, where we were dropped of in a fairly useful spot. After a sweaty march checking out hotel prices, we finally found one we could afford, paid up, sat down and chilled out.

After an hour or so basking in the aircon, we headed off to the beach, sunbathed for an hour or so, had a bit of a paddle (my arms are knackered!) and dried off in the scorching sun... Walked back to a chorus of "Hey handsome man!" and "Hello baby's", all falling on deaf ears. It's actually quite dismaying how EVERYTHING is geared towards Thai girls hooking up with westerners. It's something I expected but not quite to this degree. Anyway, off to get some food now, then to try and find a bar where we won't get hassled for five minutes...

"Me no speaka Eeenglish!!"

2004-04-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

Well, the Muai Thai boxing was paid for and visited, but not before the place had lost my washing! I was left to ponder the prospect of walking around in the only set of clothes I owned, when, fortunately, they figured out what had gone on. We went to another restaurent, one recommended by the LP, and watched Arsenal Vs Liverpool (sorry Jay) whilst enjoying some amazing food. Whilst enjoying it, however, I noticed a few small black and red things in it, which I decided to eat. MOTHER OF GOD! Which, in reality translated to "Can I have another Sprite please?" They were, as you suspected, chillis.

The Thai boxing was a little bit of a dissapointment, as the first few bouts were essentially kids knocking the hell out of each other.

Now, being a martial arts fan, I wasn't expecting too much in the way of fanciness, so it was no surprise when I discovereed that they essentially have 1 stance and 5 moves. So, when Bren professed a liking for the contender wearing a cape I decided to make it interesting and bet him 20 Baht that the other guy would win.

Unfortunately, he wasn't any good, and I ended up handing over the dough in grudging style... It was a little bit scrappy, apart from one guy who was the most arrogant li'l bastard i've ever seen, but clearly talented. He managed to knock his opponent out by kneeing himn in the stomach repeatedly. Pretty cool! What was FAR from cool was the final match, in which two 5 year olds were pitted against each other, with one kicking the other one straght in the head, causing him to collapse instantly. The crowd thought this was very funny, for some reason, whilst Bren and I decided to walk out. On the way back we got waved at and tooted a lot, and, aspparently, waving back means "Yes, i'd love to pay for sex" and not "Hello, i'm returning your wave"

We ended the night early, electing to spend the rest of our hard earned in Pationg, the beach town. Early rise and hopefully, some boozing tomorrow, as long as Bren's feeling better!

2004-04-09T17:56:00.000+08:00

The Tweenies are on in the internet cafe i'm in. At absurd volume. I can't convey how ill equipped I am to deal with that.

On a brighter note, Mefloquine is the poison of choice for dear Bren. On an even brighter note, due to us being exclusively city dweller/not fond of Malaria, Bren and I are staying exclusively in the areas designated as "MALARIA FREE" whilst in Thailand. Big cheers all round, a degree of back patting and maybe a hug or two.

However, if I deign to go to Laos Vietnam etc, I'll need raft of drugs, full-on chemical suit and potentially some kind of automatic weapon to deal with the bugs there. I wonder how being perpetually wreathed in flame would work out from a logistical point of view? It would doubtlessly be effective, but would probably make me slightly less approachable by fellow travellers.

Win some lose some...

2004-04-09T16:48:00.000+08:00

God damn connection lost my post. How infuriating! Anyway, the gist of it was something like this: Bren's nausea has now firmly been traced to Doxycycline (and i'm not feeling to hot at the moment either, passing slowly..>) so an alternative source of Malaria proctection is being saought. Either Gin and Tonic or an "all in one" chemical suit are hot favourites at the moment. Slept like a bay last night due to airconditioning and the softest bed in the world. Despite our hotel being quite nice, we still had a cockroach in the room, which Bren and I dealt with using the time honoured flamethrower method. I vidoed Bren in action with the flamethrower and he doesn't mess about!!

Went to a cool restaurent today and had some crazy Italian/Thai fusion cuisine, which was gorgeous, followed by an iced coffee. Sadly, a particularly large piece of ice made it's way up the straw and lodged itself in my Trachea, causing me to pull a desperate"choking" face and to eject it forcefully onto the floor, much to Bren's amusement.

Apart from the near experience, today's been quite the sucess. we found a place that does laundry in 4 hours, an internet cafe and are going to Muai Thai boxing tonight, despite it being more expensive than we'd hoped. When in Thailand...

Off to "Party central" tomorrow, on the beaches of Phuket, which should be good fun, providing Bren manages not to vomit again. Oh yeah, Bren and I got "Wowed" again today, for the first time since Singapore. Perhaps they particulary like Bren's borrowed ankle swingers? Either that or it's my 3 day stubble and unwashed shirt that wows the ladies so. Who can tell?...

2004-04-09T01:20:00.000+08:00

It's decided. The best euphamism for sex is "Hopping on the good foot to do the bad thing". In second we have "horizontal jogging" and in joint third are "Rumpy pumpy" and "How's your father?". So there.

"Slap and tickle" is a horrible phrase and has been stricken from my vocabulary.

THAT'S how bored we were on the journey here!

2004-04-09T01:18:00.000+08:00

Managed to wake up, if you can class the sweat coated fidget fest that I ended up doing sleeping. Packed, dressed and headed off to the shop. Now, owing to some confusion, possibly generated by the well meaning Sasi, the first bus we could get was at three and not 11. Unperturbed, we wandered round, this time without "Help" and got ourselves on a minibus that left at 12. We ate, said our goodbyes (with 3 minutes left) to "beautiful moon" (what her name means in English, apparently.) Learnt a few words of Thai and sped off, only to wait for another half an hour in the waiting room. This wasn't so bad, but, once we'd been loaded on to the (un airconditioned) minibus we then sat in the sweltering heat for ANOTHER half an hour, before getting going after 1.

The drive itself wasn't too bad, the views were pretty nice, with temples on top of mountains, and armies of rubber trees with taps in them. All very nice, rural Thailand is a really beautiful place. The interesting part was the changeover of buses with 2 hours to go. The driver's brilliant idea was to cram Bren and I in the back, and THEN cram a mother and child in with us. On a 3 person seat. The best bit was when the kid next to me fell asleep, and his left leg started twitching in his sleep, dealing my right leg a pummelling that i'll not soon forget! We spent the next hour in varying degrees of agony, until, mercifully, we stopped for petrol.

Brilliantly, a VCD called "Super dance video" was put on and, promptly, in a hot bus full of children and mothers, in the pitch black, Milky came blaring out with "You're on my mind" I had a brief Fathering instinct to cover the little chap next to me's eyes (despite the pummeling i'd received earlier) as it was quite saucy, but I guess he's got to learn sometime! The next song was "Touch my bum" by the cheeky girls, this time played at full volume. It was more than Bren and i could take, and so we abcolutely pissed ourselves laughing, being periodically stared at by our travelling companions. Needless to say the rest of the journey was "Marvellous" (funniest song ever, and best video!) and we ended up at our hotel (really rather nice) at around ten. Showered, changed and ate in a lovely Italian restaurent (everywhere else was closed, apart from a "cook it yourself" restaurant. No thanks, i'm not in a restarant to cook!)

Internetting now, then uninterrupted sleep. Laundry needs doing so Bren can avoid wearing my ankle swingers again. With trainers... Priceless!

2004-04-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

Convalesence. Spent most of the day in bed, with the notable exception of visiting McDonalds for some much needed sustinance! Ordered, went to get some straws and, who shows up? Sasiwimon, the "girl from last night". Interesting exchange of words, and mimed vomiting actiosn directed at a seated and defenceless Bren. Much l;aughter. She joins us for our meal, whihch, upon receiving it, neither Bren or I can eat. Waves of Sprite give way to waves of nausea and Bren and I make our excuses to Sasi and her sister and leave. we weer taken back to their shop (next to McDonalds) and told that we were being driven to a pub later on that day at 9. The rest of the day was spent in bed, then, obviously late, we went to the pub to watch the replay of the football and decided that there was NO WAY we were going to a pub with the pair of them. Now, it's not that sasi's not attractive (she's a babe! She showed us some photos which were actually some kind of modelling portfolio!) or that she's not funny. In fact, she's fairly funny, plenty pretty and takes the piss out of Bren, all factors that endear her to me. But, there's just nothjing there and rather than lead the poor girl on I thought I'd be harsh but fair. We left with half an hour to play, got to the shop, told them we weren't going and went back to watch the football. Somehow we also agreed to visit them next morning before we went. They're trying to meet up with us in Ko Samui...

Got a bite to eat served by a VERY feminine guy (we can tell now...) and returned to our room for a bit of Roach roasting (using a lighter and a deoderant can, really good fun!) and ant flushing, in the non-flushing squat toilet using a bucket. There's now so many ants that Bren was heard to remark "Is everything in this place made of ants?!" Got the least refreshing nights sleep ever due to the oppressive heat (aircon essential!) some guy shouting and the horrendous noise of the traffic.

Welcome to Thailand baby!!

2004-04-07T14:24:00.000+08:00

Holy vomiting Brendan Batman! Managed to find a bar showing the Chelsea Arsenal match, which was, due to the time difference, a replay of the first match. Sat, watched it drinking a few beers, when I had the urge to go to the toilet. Surveying the surroundings, as you do, I noticed a chalkboard with various spirits and prices written next to them. I put two and two together and discovered that you could buy ENTIRE BOTTLES of spirits from the bar for under 10 quid! Bren, understandably leapt at the chance, and, before long, we were enjoying Jim Beam and coke for a pittance.

We agreed to save half the bottle for tomorrow, and so, at the third-gone stage, Bren decided that he wasn't drunk enough, and decided we were going to finish it. We then managed to befriend a trio of pretty Thai girls and a Dutch couple, which was nice as we hadn't spoken to any people at length for a rather long time. It was at this stage that Bren became a little listless, and, accompanied by our new drinking friends, we headed off to another bar (the one we'd eaten in earlier).

"Your friend, he has had too much to drink!" Bren immediately headed for the toilet and wasn't seen outside for a long time. One of the girls and I checked up on him every now and then, to a thumbs up from a triumphant Bren.

Eventually we got him up, splashed his face with water, much to his annoyance, and he and I headed off home.

Rather, he lurched in a seemingly random direction, which turned out to be the right one (the mans sense of direction is amazing!) And eventually ended up back at the room, where I photographed a water covered Bren in a very bad way. Blackmail potential 9, at least!

I'm on a promise to email one of the girls, whose name I still can't pronounce. Actually, I'm supposed to call her, but I'm absolutely terrified/not convinced a conversation could take place, so i'll choose discretion as the better part of valour and email instead. Going to the same bar tonight,for exactly the same reason. I actually managed to befriend the manager (Millar the Mingleoid, you'd have been proud!) so drinks should be plentiful. I now know the score between Chelsea and Arsenal, but I'm sure it's going to be a good game nonetheless.

Next stop Phuket, now to wake Bren up...

2004-04-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

We're in trouble... Within seconds of arriving in Thailand I'd seen ten or more stupidly hot Thai girls. It took a lot of courage to admit that to Bren, as Im not sure whether they were all women, or had been women or generally what was going on. I made the comment that i'd "Never been more worried in my entire life" And it's true.

We ended up getting a cab from Malaysia to Thailand as the minibus we were meant to be getting into broke down. Fortunately the owner paid for us to get into a cab at her own expense and all was ok. It involved full load of 4 of us, which became a little much on the ol' legs and ass after a while, but we managed itinthe end! Thanks deary, you're a star!

Once in Thailand, the first bit of literature we received was for "sexy stars" night, in which girls had been "imported from Penhouse magazine" Sounded interesting... The room we're staying in is quite interesting too, with a squat toilet and charming ant infestation, it really is quite the experience! It took a bit of convincing for Bren not to get aircon, as he seems to suffer with the heat a bit more than me, but we SHOULD be ok in our little fan room. Things have calmed down a bit in Hat Mai, it's a fairly big town but fairly bereft of strip joints and the like, so we should be able to get a good honest pint and watch the football. At 3AM... Up for a big night tonight, but I don't know whether ther'll be anywhere to go for a boogie, or whether there'll be a live band murdering song after song...

2004-04-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

I MAY have bought more DVD's.. We spent quite a lot of the day searching for a cinema, upon finding one we were dismayed to find that Starsky and Hutch wasn't on until the 22nd of April. Obviously we then surveyed the mall and found a DVD knockoff shop with perfect copies of Kill Bill Vol 1, Last Samurai, Runaway Jury and various other "must own" films. Which I now own...

After a long-ass walk into the so-called "Party district", we found nothing but Japanese karaoke bars, much to our dismay. We decided for once not to muck about and got straight into the first cab we could find. Bren, being a straight talking kind of guy said
"Can you take us to Slippery Senoritas please." The cabbie dutifully went on his way and listed 3 hotels. One had a bar, he said but the other ones didn't. "What can we do there then" I asked, innocently. "Oh, you can see the ladies, see which ones you like and then take them somewhere else."

This is when it dawned on us that he thought we wanted SOME "Slippery Senoritas", the slipperier the better, apparently. We put him straight after a lot of stifled laughter and managed to convince him to take us to a disco/pub. Upon announcing this he said, with disbelief "But all you can do there is dance!" Still with the Senoritas then, eh mate?..

We paid our money, took our choices and spent the next three hours and the best part of our money in Slippery Senoritas, being stared at practically all the time by someone or other. The bar staff there are really good, with bottles and shakers moving and shaking all over the place. If that wasn't enough, they (poorly) pour your drinks for you, and, occasionally offer up the odd high five for good measure.

Most embarassing moment was when the whole bar sang happy birthday to one of the girls in there. Bren foolishly made eye contact and promptly got stared at intently for a rather uncomfortably long time...

We walked back in time for our ridiculous 2AM curfew after making sure that there was no dancing to be done (the Malaysians aren't a very dancey people it would seem) and got back into the airconditioned luxury of our room. Incidentally, the aircon remote control has a button on it that simply says "Powerful" which I duly pressed. It really is quite powerful! Anyway, Bren and I showered and then enjoyed a full half an hour of rolling insults before getting to bed at around 3.

"You're a waste of everyones time and effort.."

YOU'RE a waste of oxygen.."

How we laughed...

Got the ferry back to the mainland, and are now waiting for our 4PM minibus to leave for Hat Mai in Thailand. Just missed the 1PM minibus, and the coach became fully booked as we dillied and dallied. Still not quite sure who to trust in this place, but the guy who approached us was actually shoting straight. He even showed us to the bus that went to KFC! Oh well, at least I get to blog, you know how I get when I don't get to blog, don't you...?

2004-04-05T14:43:00.000+08:00

Dude looks like a lady....

Pangkor did much to recharge our batteries, with Bren and I waking up at about mid day. Breakfast was hearty and cheap, and followed by a quick cab ride to the "Jeti" to get back on the mainland. You see, while it was rather lovely, there was absolutely nothing to do aside from Jungle walks, and I'm sure we'll do more than our fair share through Laos and Cambodia.. The saving grace of Pangkor was the 20 monkey sendoff we got on the way out. Monkeys lined the street in some kind of parade appreciation squad as we sped past in our Pink minibus... And, in case you were wondering, they're all pink. No idea why!

Once on dry land, Bren and I had a little over 2 hours to wait for the coach to Butterworth, the port where the ferry leaves for Penang, our destination for the night. To pass the time we played charades for two hours straight, with Bren coming up with some absolutely hilarious actions for "Troy" and "Peter pan", the latter of which involved imitating Peter Farnes's trademark girlish run. Absolutely brilliant! The coach journey was quite uneventful, I read BIKE, AGAIN I've pretty much got it memorised now. We got to the ferry terminal, boarded, and, for 60 sen (9 pence) were taken over to Penang. We got to our hostel, which was really clean and has air con, but, on the way, Bren saw football on, Milwall Vs Sunderland, and so our venue for the next 90 minutes was decided. Rather brilliantly the owner of the bar was a Nottingham forest supporter, which is pretty random! Now, Bren has a bit of a vested interest in Milwall as he's a shareholder so, when they managed to win 1-0 he sat there in disbelief, repeating "I can't believe Milwall are in Europe!" After a trip back to the hostel to change, at which we were informed that there was a 2AM curfew (it was 11PM at this point!) we returned to the bar to watch Liverpool Blackburn, saw the first half and the three goals, then went to go to a club.

The cabbie decided to try and charge us too much so we decided to walk it. On the way we walked past a number of low-voiced "ladies" looking for love, and happened upon a rickshaw rider who took us to a club called, inappropriately, "Club Rock" which specialised in pumping out environmentally damaging levels of Industrial strength Techno. A Germans' delight it was, but our scene it certainly was not. He then took us to a trendy/cool bar called "Slippery Senoritas" which was for "Our kind of people" Unsurprisingly we were the only 2 westerners in there. We enjoyed a few beers, a few leers and left after the band returned for their fourth and final set. I've never heard "Crazy in love" sound so unappealing. Where was the video?!

We've spent today posting postcards, eating spicy "Non spicy" Indian food and, now, in an internet cafe. We're going to search for a hostel without such a draconian night-time policy, and then hit the bars in fine style. I just hope they're ready for Bren's spin moves...

2004-04-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

We left KL behind in a cloud of so much unburnt diesel and headed off to the lovely island of Pangkor. Rain pretty much washed the coach clean throughout the journey, but only the front left corner of the coach sprung a leak. Poor timing means that we're here on a public holiday. On a Saturday. And, apparantly, tomorrow which is Sunday, ISN'T a public holiday. The mind boggles!

Got here just in time for the sunset, which was pretty, and pulled up to our hostel. Checked in, watched Man United v Arsenal and then ate the most needed meal of the last few weeks. Ravenous isn't the word!

Nothing much to do here now the sun's gone down. Islamic sensibilities mean little or no booze for boozy westerners. Heading off to Penang tomorrow, probably for couple of days, then into good old Malarial Thailand. Looking forward to a new country, islands with booze and possible side effects from Malerone. It's meant to be pretty good on the ol' side effects, but you never do know.

2004-04-03T11:35:00.000+08:00

Ended up playing pool, half watching Mary Poppins (very confusing) and then watching a dodgy DVD of The Return of the King with a lovely Canadian girl called Tanya (Bren aborted about 30 minutes in). Had a few beers finally getting to bed at about 1. Woke up this morning pretty early, went downstairs, wrote postcard, read magazine, planned next few days in Malaysia and chatted with Tanya for a bit longer.

I need to go to at least SOME of the countries in Europe as it's getting quite embarassing talking to people about my own continent from the point of view of an outsider. I've no idea aboot (sic) any of it!

2004-04-02T17:49:00.000+08:00

Saw "50 first dates" which was pretty funny and more than a little heartwarming. Finally went up the Petronas towers today, driven there by a cabbie with too many thumbs and too little English. Pretty good view from the sky walkway (the two-story tunnel that links the towers together, made famous by Ms Zeta Jones and Mr Connery!) but, rather disappointingly, they don't let you go to the top!!

Have got tickets for the Kuala Lumpur tower for after sundown, which should let us see the towers in their full glory. Finally caved and bought a bike magazine today, reading it cover to cover in a couple of hours. I needed my fix, and promises of reviews of the new GSXR750, R1, Fireblade and ZX10R were too much to resist! Plans for drunkenness and then sleep and early departure to the Highlands are afoot, then on to the island of Penang.

Should be great, as soon as it stops raining!

2004-04-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

Oh my mama! Pretty hot here! Managed to get to STA travel only to be told that we have to contact our office in England to change our dates. On closer inspection, it actually SAYS that ON THE POLICY ITSELF. I see.

More KFC, same bars as before and, this time, an early night. Tigers and pool are the themes of this city, with the Tigers being of the "easier to deal with" liquid variety. Bren and I have conspired and it seems that we are to stay in fewer places for longer periods if we're to actually have meaningful conversations with people. Being thousands of miles form home and watching films at the cinema also aren't two thing that should go together, so we must go to more interesting places! Anyway, we're planning our next few weeks in advance, so we can be in interesting places for longer. Tomorrow is the Petronas towers ascention (tried today but an ENTIRE SCHOOL decided to take all the tickets!!) with accompanying view, and then the KL tower ascention at night so we can see thew Petronas towers a bit better lit up. Saw them again today, but in the day this time. They really do look like someone at Industrial Light & Magic has superimposed them onto the skyline!!

Feel the need for a slurpee coming on but i'll resist! Have just recieved an email from our insurers, pretty quick work! Al is now in hand and we can safely travel for an extra 31 days. Hurrah!

2004-03-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

Back in good ol' KL, had a monstrous KFC meal for 2.50, for both Bren and I. Went to the cinema and watched Big Fish, getting an absolute tropical soaking in the process. I honestly couldn't have gotten much wetter if you'd thrown me in a pool. That reminds me, I need to get to a pool... Quite enjoyed Big Fish, more than I was expecting to. Then I really enjoyed a Slurpee from the 7-11 downstairs. Galaxy blast flavour, a single taste of which managed to raise Bren's eyebrow in the most amusing fashion! Going to have another one before the end of the night.

The hostel here's pretty cool, there's people everywhere, but, as is usually the case with these places, they're all fairly cliquey, making conversation improbable on more than a basic level. Probably going to go out tomorrow, as sleep and slurpee beckon for tonight.

Should save some cash for "The Plan"...

2004-03-31T12:44:00.000+08:00

Ahh, the satisfying bliss of a good nights sleep! Spent yesterday roaming around the Dutch district of Melaka, visiting a lovely restaurent which served awesome cheesecake! Simple things eh? Bypassed a dull sounding museum, which was in fact a replica of a Portuguese Caravel (pretty cool) went into Chinatown and the visited some fantastic antique shops. Mum and Dad would have gone wild!!

Leaving for KL in a few hours time, have collected our laundry, in which I got everything I own hand washed and ironed for just over a quid. We're laying waste to this country! Spent a large portion of yesterday looking at movie trailers, with the Incredibles looking fantastic, Kate Beckinsale looking amazing in Van Helsing, Spiderman 2 looking pretty good and Starsky and Hutch obviously being a must see! Writing postcards today Mom and Pop, so it should be with you in a few weeks time.

Bye for now!

2004-03-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

Attention all Simon Pegg/Spaced fans. The Shaun of the dead, "A romantic Comedy. With Zombies" website is available Here. Looks damn, damn funny, look for it in cinemas!

2004-03-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

Back in Malaysia now. After a none too eventful trip on a none too VIP coach, we arrived at our charming little hostel at around 10. It's got a roof garden, lovely rooms and is quite near the centre of "Town" which, isn't much of a town at all, but it does save a walk... Bren and I spent ages just talking bollocks in our room before falling asleep knackered.

I'm not ill anymore, fortunately, Nurofen Cold and Flu and the healing power of Sprite have cured me right up, so I managed to get a good nights sleep for the first time in ages! We're going to a museum today, then picking up our laundry at midday and heading up to KL, 100KM North to continue our journey up the West coast. Malaria zones are soon to be entered (cripes!) so Malerone taking is on the cards for the next few days...

Here's to the side effects!

2004-03-29T11:27:00.000+08:00

Newsflash: My rather brilliant Father has informed me that Crispy Creme doughnuts are opening their second store in, wait for it, ENFIELD! That means that you too can experience the tooth destroying wonderment of 90% sugar treats without the hassle of flting to the USA or, more realistically, shopping in Harrods! Jamie, I think you know what you have to do, as your prayers have now been answered...

2004-03-29T11:14:00.000+08:00

I'm ill!! Have had the sniffles since "The night of the long drinks" in KL, and i'd hoped that the "Night of a thousand Vodkas" would cure it. Alas, I'm now sneezing, coughing and aching my was back to Malaysia at around 2 today. With little sympathy available from Bren (I may have given it to him too) i'm branching out to the blog community for "Poor you's". Anyway, watched "Twisted" last night, which was watchable but nothing spectacular.

Came back to a Dutch couple in our room, the girl of which was wearing the biggest pants i've ever seen, true Catholic School issue. It was hard not to laugh... Anyway, saying goodbye to Singapore, one of the places I can say beyond a doubt that I'd LOVE to come back to. Any takers....?

2004-03-28T19:33:00.000+08:00

Bellies are for dancing, Tummies are for children and six packs are for drinking. Stomachs, however, are for putting bacon double cheeseburgers and Iced MILO in. Spanking gorgeous!!

2004-03-28T19:30:00.000+08:00

Omissions: Have managed to make a number of omissions, most notably being the rather ingenious soaking of all the girls dancing on the bar with soda water by felix two nights ago. Genius! I managed to get the Gunung Bromo photos developed and, no surprises here, they were mostly underexposed, with most of them being grainy due to the crappy camera/film. Some shots did come out, but the Bali sunset is a bit crappy, with nothing like the array of colours that I saw in evidence. Oh well, i'll scan them in and see what i can do!

On a slightly bizarre note, i've recently been getting the sensation that i'm being hit in the groin, when, in fact i'm not. the first one was the sensaion of being hit by a sledgehammer, which was quite unpleasant. The most vivid one was whilst watching Out of Time in Jakarta, which was the sensation of being hit by a football. Oh well, it hasn't happened for a while so I should be ok!

Today's been pretty cool, we went to Chinatown, seeing loads of crazy Chinese stalls, with Bren buying his Brother a rathr cool present and me buying 3 pairs of socks for "Fie Dollar" (how we laughed, for a bit) We thn went on a magical mystenry tour of the city using public transport, and decided to go to the zoo, which was excellent. The best part of it was that there were MONKEYS EVERYWHERE!!!

They weren't even in cages, which was pretty funny, as one of them, the "prank Monkey" as we named him, jukped next to this japanese girl and scared her half to death. We saw Tamarins, the rather excellent Gibbons,

Howler Monkeys and, last but by no means least, the "high fiving" Orangutans.

We then went on to see the frankly massive Polar bears,

dull as ditchwater Manatees and the "Jackass Penguins" which were brilliant, with one of them clearly trying to get to this car keys that he'd dropped outside the tank... "They're over there, just by your left foot!!"

Sadly, the elements decided to conspire against us and the heavens opened spexctacularly, turning most of the habitats into swampland in minutes, much to the dismay of the Rhinos!

The zoo staff called off the trams and got us all back to the depot, where we got a bus and a train back to our hostel. Fortunately they drove us past the "Elephants of Asia" exhibit, and, more importantly, we got to see the Two White Siberian Tigers, which were acbsolutely awesome. MIGHT go to raffles tonight, and, yes Dad, I am giving the liver a rest, thanks, I have an ingenious plan that needs me to save a little drinking money. Will reveal it later.

Interesting!!

2004-03-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

Today's been somewhat of a laboured affair, but not without it's results. I, being a man of reasonable intelligence and prone to "Fiddle" (no sniggering!) have managed to fix my camera. Indeed when the Swiss army decided that their knives didn't do enough things, they gifted me with the ability to fix practically anything, toes, cameras, boxing matches, you name it!

Aside from the uncontrollable laughter generated by the word "Sprike" (Copyright Brendan Ferriter 2004) today has been a bit of a loss. Only the discovery of a new, "Ice Sprite" which physically hurts your face as you drink it, has made it anything of note. Apparently the "Night Safari" at the Zoo admits it's last guest/midnight snack for Tigers at 11PM, so we're going to Hotfoot it over there, then sleep, then wake up, THEN go to Raffles, with my camera fixed. Also, fixing my camera has enabled Bren and I to see the hilarious photo of him dressed as some kind of matrix style chap using only glasses and 2 straws.

Also, Felix's nipple, unsettlingly, gets in to one shot.

2004-03-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

This one's for Boys who like Girls and Girls who like Girls. Click here and you'll be rewarded by the best thing i've ever seen done with a non-contact digitiser. Amazing stuff, thanks to David Sconce, or Partying Dave, as he's known to Bren and I, for this little beauty!

2004-03-27T14:36:00.000+08:00

My god the blog's cool now! Have posted the pics that Athar got back to me, resized, renamed and rejigged (harbour bridge, I mean come on, how old are you....!) Thanks for all of that mate, it really would only be half the blog it is without you!! I've got some bungee pics that i thought i'd sent you but haven't (sorry Jana!) and various other pics to send you, now I know where i'm up to. The ones of felix and Bren behind the bar should be amusing!!

2004-03-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

Ah the sweet caress of Caffeine! (I can spell) After internetting last, Bren and I got Subway for the first time in what seems like forever. Sadly, due to our now feeble stomach capacities, a footlong meatball sub damn near killed us both, with a sizeable time spent "Just working the subway through".. We then changed and hit the town, taking in the spectacular skyline and Parliament building, perusing all the identikit semi-trendy places and a live jazz club (Cool!) before deciding on an Irish themed bar that I can't remember the name of. I got the first round in while Bren went to the loo, and was SHOCKED BEYOND RECOGNITION when the bill came to 26 dollars for two beers. Admittedly they were Tigers (my favourite non lime-accompanied beer in the universe) but Jesus Tap-dancing Christ! We came to the conclusion that no one on earth can afford to get drunk in this fair city, so, after being asked if we'd like another beer 3 times, we stole 2 Tiger beer mats (we had to get SOMETHING for our money!) and headed off to Raffles for our Singapore slings. It was at this time that I suggested walking along the waterfront to look at the river, the boats, take in the scenery etcetera, and, lo and behold, against all the odds, there were 2 "all you can drink" bars right next to each other. Game on!

We walked up the road just to see if there was anything else doing, meeting a girl with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I really couldn't speak for about 5 seconds. It's just as well she approached Bren and not me, or things might have been a bit weird with me not responding to her at all! On an interesting side note, Bren gets stared at here. A lot. We think he looks like some celebrity on TV here or something, either that or Singaporeans have never seen a beard before. Anyway, we chose the Hawaiian themed bar over the "Tarts in short red skirts" themed bar, paid our 25 dollars and got drinking in a distinctly British way. We quickly befriended the hyper talented Singaporean Tom Cruise equivalent barman, called Felix, who had the unnerving tendency of revealing his left nipple without warning.

Apart from that he was brilliantly cool, knew our names, kept pouring us drinks and did things with a cocktail shaker that even gravity couldn't believe. It was about this time that we met the enchanting Jasmine, one of the bar ladies, who was really rather lovely. She ended up dancing on the bar in a Coyote ugly stylee with Tattoo girl, before whipping both Bren and my asses at pool. After no fewer than 26 double Vodka and cokes we slurred our goodbyes, safe in the knowledge that she was coming to London to study accountancy next year, and that she was certainly going to contact us (email address procured). Surely, who WOULDN'T want to be seen with two loutish drunken Brits?..

It was about now that things took a turn for the blurred. The thing about vodka is A: It turns Bren into a dancing machine and B: it takes a while for the effects to chime in. Soon enough we found ourselves on a dancefloor, which I had no problem with. It was then that a barmaid came up to us and told us we had to order drinks. Being pissed as we now realised we were, we did the only thing we could in the situation. We ordered two double vodka and cokes, waited til she went off to get them, and legged it as fast as we could into the street.

We finally found a non drink obliged dancing area, where Bren and I strutted our stuff, before SOMEHOW I lost him, found him, then lost him again, before wandering round the streets of Singapore with no clue of where I was. I then took two cabs, the first of which couldn't understand me at all, with the second cab randomly driving past a fairly "all at sea" Bren, who was slaloming his way down the road to our hostel.

We talked for a bit, agreed on getting food, when suddenly and without warning, I was forcibly ordered to go home, without any supper if you will. Knowing that it was probably for the best, I went back, undressed, falling down twice, and slipped into unconsciousness.

Bren, meanwhile, befriended two hyper drunk and "Yeah!!" shouting Canadians, whom he tried to play cone/sprite can baseball (I reckon he was just after the Sprite) with, talked to a Cat for half an hour, got a sandwich and somehow made it back at around 4. This city is amazing.

Going to a night Safari tonight, then, probably tomorrow, we're going to Raffles (seriously this time) before hitting Malaysia again and adding some more stamps to our overstamped passports.

Note: Sometime today we remembered that the reason that i lost bren was that he ran, as fast as he could and for as long as he could, away from me, as he got angry that I could keep up with his walking pace. The sudden memory of this caused us both to piss ourselves with laughter in Burger King (hangover food) Almost as much as I laughed when bren came up with the name "Sprike" for the Coke and Sprite mix I made in Burger King. I laughed, I cried, it was all too much... Jay you'll also be pleased to note that they still do Mushroom Double swiss burgers over here, and they're rather lovely.

2004-03-26T18:06:00.000+08:00

Oh how the mighty have fallen. After being "Fixed" for approximately 30 minutes, my camera now only works on timer mode. This means that if I want to take a photo of anything, i have to anticipate it 10 seconds in advance. In the case of the Petronas towers, it involved lying on my back for 15-20 seconds at a time, all the while careful not to be run over by Taxi's..

We went to see "The Human Stain" which I actually enjoyed on a "21 grams" level. It's not a happy film, and it does have it's share of puzzlers, but it's good to watch great actors (Anthony Hopkins, Ed Harris, Gary Sinese and Nicole Kidman) on form.

We got up pretty early today, got breakfast and then got the "Super VIP" bus to Singapore, where we are at the moment. Before we left the hostel we met a really nice Manc called Steven, who gave us a Lonely planet guide to Thailand, and a "Lucky" 10 Baht coin. Top chap! We stopped off at a Malaysian roadside cafe, where I had Mie Goreng, a noodle dish, and was dimayed to discover, halfway through, that it had a dead fly in it. I'm quite amazed I haven't been crippled by stomach spasms, but, god willing, I should be ok. Bren summed it up perfectly, uttering "God, please watch over us as we eat this meal.."

I had a bit of a spaz moment coming through customs, as the metel detector went off. I took my money belt off and went through again, still setting it off. It was at this point that I noticed Bren pissing himself with laughter, looked down, and realised I was "Covered in glasses", with my sunnies and glasses on me. Nonce. Off to Raffles tonight to enjoy a Singapore sling or two in the place of it's birth. Dad, i'll be sure to get some pictures so you can see if it's changed much in, what, 25 years?

2004-03-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

F.O.C. Everyones favourite initials. That's how much it's going to cost to get my camera fixed, and i couldn't be happier! Ate for 50 p last night, it was the second spiciest thing i've ever put in my mouth but it did fill me up I suppose.

Went out in KL last night, first going to a bar to play pool (losing 2:1, but it was close!!) then on to another bar to drink and watch football, meeting a charming chap called Richard who informed us of the best way to get to Singapore (coach, it would appear) and various other bits of information. Nice to have met him, and the proprieter of the place, who was a rather amiable Scot. We then went to another bar, where we were the only 2 non-Malaysians, which was quite the experience. Left there after 1 and went to a live music type place, where the singer murdered song after song, before leaving and letting the CD player entertain us. Rather worryingly, on the way we wre offered a "massage" by a "Girl" with a worryingly low voice. At a bus stop. Surrounded by various "Girls" and Girls of the "Per hour" variety. We were latched onto by a freakishly friendly Irish girl who, upon me wrongly stating that Bren parents were from Cork (His mum is from Kerry, which is NEAR Cork) proceeded to pour ice down my pants, which was most distressing. The usual crowd of hookers and rich (relatively) middle aged white guys were in attendance. This time, however, there was the random addition of the first two Chickboys, who, for some reason took a shine to me and demanded my email address at the end of the night. The only thing I could think of at short notice was to give them Mark Little's email address, so, Mark, if you receive an email from 2 chickboys looking for a place to stay in London around June, deal with it as you see fit...

Once we got back in, we SOMEHOW woke up Suzie from California, (girl in the bunk under me) and I proceeded to talk to her at great length, finding all sorts of things out, in a drunken investigative reporter style, whci i'm sure she enjoyed. This morning was pretty funny, with Bren and I still being drunk. We talked to Suzie a bit more, apparently I was making unintelligable noises in the night, until she left, with the comment of "It was nice sleeping with you". Quite.

We were then left with the rather charming Japanese girl, Ayaka, who Bren started talking to. The funniest bit was when she asked him if he'd got his diving licence. Somehow he heard driving licence, and proceeded to spout off about all the places he'd driven, how good it was driving in America, and all sorts of driving related stories, before I, imbetween pissing myself with laughter, told him she'd said DIVING. Funny, very funny. Almost as funny as the "Turtle jelly" episode, in which I got cramp in my face from laughing at. Funny, funny stuff!

We've moved rooms now, as Ayaka's friends are moving in to that room, and we're clearly not wanted! Off to get my camera in a bit, (hooray! i'll try not to cry...) the off to do random crap like book buses, go to museums and buy food.

Off to Singapore tomorrow, to go to Raffles and buy Singapore slings, amongst other things.

2004-03-24T17:18:00.000+08:00

Best news in the world, camera's fixed and ready for collection tomorrow!! Cost should be negligable as it only needed a "regular service" Cool!! Happy as Larry, however happy he is. Off to get food, then get loaded on Hooch and high spirits.

2004-03-24T16:40:00.000+08:00

Huzzah! Got to the camera shenanigans place in good time, through "bad but not as bad as Indonesia" traffic, with a record 0 RTA's. They say it could be ready as soon as Friday if they have the part, but issued the warning that it may be prohibitively expensive. Taking this into account, I proceeded to find alternative camera that take my memory card and managed to find a cheeky little Olympus with 3.2 megapixels for 130 quid. I then asked the guy if he could move a bit on the price, and he promptly lopped 20 quid off the asking. Everything I touch turns to gold at the moment, which may become a problem at dinner, but we'll deal with that as it arises.

Happy happy joy joy!

Oh yeah, as i didn't mention a few days ago, in case of disapointment, Bren and I had decided to see if we could get a few days in Cairo to see the Pyramids, as it's on the way home from Bangkok. Sadly, upon asking in Indonesia, none of the carriers on our ticket serve Cairo, and so a trip there would involve buying a ticket, defeating the "Pyramids on a shoestring" ethic that we'd adopted. Next year, maybe, next year...

2004-03-24T12:02:00.000+08:00

I'm in love! In Kuala Lumpur at the moment, which is the best city i've seen in ages!! We went to see the Petronas towers yesterday and they're absolutely amazing at night, so tall! The walkway between the two is especially impressive, all lit up spanning the two at about 100 metres in the air! Our hostel is on a lively little street and costs the princely sum of 3 pounds.

Last day in Jakarta was interesting, we got a cab to the camera shop, with the guy who was going to take us to the airport later. We got in, to a glorious lack of headroom, the guy pulled out and, "WHACK" straight into another car. 'It's ok, he's my friend, heehehee" I wonder for how long.. This obviously augered well for the journey to the airport later. After a bit of searching we managed to find the camera service centre, which sadly needed 2 weeks to repair Brens camera. Too long for us, so we walked back to the hotel (took ages!) via Spriteville (Pizza Hut) managing not to order the Pepperoni and Spaghetti pizza, amusingly named "PepSpag". On the walk back we were constantly waved and tooted at by teh parade for number 18, causing Bren to say "It's like being famous". It sure was! Given that it was just TOO hot, we popped into a cab, driven by an absolute psycho, who got incredibly wound up, rammed a scooter rider (It was his fault admitttedly) but got us back in time.

We got back, ate, and got into the lackofheadroomcab, and sweated our way to the airport. On the way I saw the perfect shot to Sum up Jakarta, so I opened the side door, jumped out, took the photo (hope it comes out) and got back in again, with a little help from the driver (door was stuck, you see) the things I do for a photograph!!

Once we'd got to the airport we made our way through to departures, where we were treated to the news read by the charming "Kim So Young" (I kid you not!) We were ushered on to the plane, where the cabin staff were unbelievably gorgeous and served us a traditional Indonesian lunch, which disagreed with Brens constitution, leading to me eating nearly all of it... Flew for an hour, then landed in the first proper airport outside of Sydney. We got our luggage, had a Burger King (there were special One player booths if you needed alone time with your whopper...) paid for with 10 Ringgit notes, which are brilliant, and got a cab to our hostel. We wandered around, saw some sights, and retreated to our air conditioned room, in which the air conditioner had broken. Sweet Jesus it's warm...

2004-03-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

Just seen "Out of time" with Denzel Washington and Eva Mendez (Aye Carumba!) which was absolutely brilliant!! Pleased I own it on hookyDVD now. Booked our tickets to Kuala Lumpur, flying out tomorrow at 5:55 and arriving 2 hours later in somewhere noticably better (and taller).

Probably going to watch runaway Jury later, as going to the cinema costs about 2 quid. Still more than I pay at home, eh Matt...

Next time I blog will be from Malaysia. New country, hooray!!

2004-03-22T12:13:00.000+08:00

Just remembered the best 2 moments of yesterday. In a department store asking for directions, we turned away, thanking them for their help, when one of them blabbed "So big!" causing the rest of them to crack up. I love being this size... Best moment was simply a guy on the street pointing at me and saying "Young girl!" Close, mate, close...

Had the best breakfast today, with Bren and I coming up with a brilliant band name, "The Imperial Speed system" and wrestler name "The storm of Unimaginable fury" Don't ask how... Off to try and find an STA and open Qantas for flight changing monkeying. Wish us luck!

2004-03-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

Finally managed to buy a phonecard and make a call after almost 4 hours of trying! Happy mothers day Mum, and good to finally speak to you Fi! Also managed to meet a slightly crazy Swede called Dovid, who "Really wanted to party!" and kept mentioning hookers... We neatly sidestepped him and went to Pizza hut, where Bren and I partook of Sprite and Pizza, finished with Sundaes on Sunday (I have decreed Sunday to be the only day i'm allowed deserts while i'm away, so what else could I have on a Sunday?!) Bliss!

Off to bed in a minute, as Im abolutely shattered from our power walking, booking our flight to KL tomorrow, as well as hopefully changing our return date to the 20th of June, so get the welome wagon hitched for then! Bren may stay out a week longer as his insurance runs out a week after mine, so we can re-hitch it for his triumphant return too..

2004-03-21T17:19:00.000+08:00

Here follow some true statements:

1. The world is round.
2. Big girls don't cry
3. Jakarta sucks harder than anything I've ever seen

If you were harbouring any thoughts at all about going to Indonesia (despite the FCO website) avoid Jakarta at all costs. Our hotel is in what I can only describe as an alley, and features conditions on a par with the cells in Alcatraz. It's only saving grace is that it's cheap and has air conditioning. Out on the "street", the situation is even worse, with trannies and pocket hookers vying for business, all the while fat Americans waltz around with "hired company". All very wrong, and quite saddening!

Well, after a pretty good nights sleep, Bren and I decided to try and get his camera fixed and see some of the sights of Jakarta, given that we were here for a while. The camera situation wasn't good, with the best estimate being 2 weeks to get it fixed. One guy did give us a business for a place that opens on Tuesday (Monday is a Muslim holiday!) so we'll try then, hopefully flying out the same day!

The sights in themselves weren't bad. The Presidential palace was impressive, but it and the monumental flame became monumental folly as, less than 100 yards away, twenty or so people were living in shacks under a train line, next to open sewers. I think the money spent on those monuments could have been put to use elsewhere, maybe on basic sanitation... It's no wonder so many people are pinning their hopes on the upcoming elections.

To cut a long and fairly depressing story short, we ended up walking around 30 degree plus Jakarta dripping with sweat, for about 4 hours, achieving little but seeing a lot. We're going to see if we can get a flight to KL added to our round the world tickets, and, if not, book one with Merapati, the biggest airline here. If all goes according to plan, we'll be in Kuala Lumpur by Tuesday evening.

Here's hoping!

2004-03-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

Got up a little late, packed and had breakfast. Quick look at the watch suggested that we'd better get a move on, so we donned packs and sprinted to the train station, skilfully ignoring a level crossing advising us not to cross. Cool eh? the Business class train was, shockingly, anything but. No air con and rattling windows lead to an intersting ride!! Fortunately we were seated next to the most helpful Indonesian woman in the world, Ari, who studied communications at Uni. Her English was excellent and she joked with us and gave us some excellent information. Hope the Job interview goes well!!

At the first stop, the train was overrun with food sellers, book sellers, hat sellers, you name it, they wanted to sell you it! All the while the train was getting unbearably hot, and all to the tune of Jingle bells from the kid's toys behind us. So inappropriate! The most amusing part of the journey was at another unnecessarily long stop, when some guys at the side of the track started throwing Pigeons at the train like darts. Very amusing, and with little success (i don't think they bargaioned on the pigeons ability to fly...) Once we started into the Jakarta suburbs, things took a turn for the worse. I've never seen such poverty in such a stratched out area, poeple without ANY clothes, the most basic homes imaginable. It really was shocking. The pocket of plenty(TM) was put into action and quickly ran out of funds, much to the dismay of the beggars on the train, and myself!

When we finally did get to Jakarta central, we negotiated 40000RP to one hotel, dismissed it as too expensive and then agreed on 14000 to another. The cabbie promptly got lost and, after asking directions 3 times (hilarious photo opportunities!) we finally arrived at the hotel. We gave him 14000, which he promptly complained very vocally about, and then proceeded to get averyone to try to make us pay 40000. We were having none of it, and, through a mixture of sticking to our guns and resoning with the only English speaking guy, we won out. Obviously feeling like we'd cheated the guy when we hadn't.

We booked into a different hotel in the end, as that one only had 1 bed rooms, and Bren and I aren't THAT close. We went for a desperately needed meal, which was excellent (Tandoori Chicken!) and then watched China Vs malaysia in the olympic qualifiers, which was absolute shite. man U Tottenham is on in 3 minutes, so Bren is obviously glued to the TV. Gonna join him in a sec, so i'll say goodbye. Camera fixing time tomorrow, with any luck! Oh, and Mothers day, for those of you who haven't frantically shopped for flowers...

2004-03-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

Got our tickets to jakarta no problems, the journey takes 9 hours and costs the princely sum of 4 pounds fifty! the journey to Prambananb was interesting, the walk, that on the map should have taken 20 minutes, ended up taking over an hour in the scorching heat!! It was made a little more bearable by the friendly Indonesians who greeted us, almost cheering us on. What was slightly strange was the amount of staring going on. Girls were staring then giggling, asking how we were etc. It was like being a celebrity I tell you! I did have a brilliant empathy moment whilst walking, though. A guy was in a Suzuki shop fawning over a souped up scooter that he was dreaming of buying, and It reminded me of looking around bike shops back home! Simple things, eh?..

Once we got to the bus station, we boarded the most rickity bus i've ver been on, which required push starting and belched smoke from the engine. Not the exhaust, the engine. Encouraging! Somehow it held together and got us there in about 40 minutes, at ewhich time we were accosted by a Becak (rickshaw) rider who promised to take us to Prambanan proper of 10000RP. We haggled him down to 8000 and climbed aboard. Well, that is to say bren climbed aboard and I clung on to the side, Indonesian people simply aren't very big, and so their means of transport are a bit, well cramped for us strapping English lads! Everyone who passed us looked back, and I ended up waving like the queen, "hello", "How are you?" to "How are you sleeping, good?"...

Once we'd got there, and blaggged student discounts, the temple complex was absolutely amazing, worth every scorching bum crushing minute! It was amazing to think that over 1100 years ago these temples were built by hand, and are still impressive today! Shiva's temple, the centrepiece of the complex, was especially impressive, flanked and faced by a series of smaller temples. The sunset was amazing, and for the first time I can honestly say the photos i took do it no justice whatsoever. Breathtaking stuff. Just after the sun had set, the Muslim call to prayer echoed from all the mosques in the area, somewhat at odds with the Hindu temples we were seeing, but somwhow fitting tribute to the Indonesian religious mix.

One of the more bizarre things was that everyone there wanted to get photos with Brendan and I in. One young man took a particular shine to Bren, much to his concern. The most unsettling encounter was with two middle aged ladies, who took SEVEN photos with bren and i in. We must look like some people on Indonesian TV or something!

The trip back was much more enjoyable, as we made frineds with some Indonesian buskers who played us home in fine style. We then got the same deathbus(TM) to near our hotel, with me ending up crushed against the roof, effectively folded in half, after giving up my seat to an Indonesian lady with a plant in her hands.

We got (unfolded) off and walked up the road to a restaurent, bumping in to a charming Canadian girl we met earlier in the day. We all went for a bite to eat and had a good old chat for ages. In the internet cafe now, it's called queens and for a good reason. Only one of the "Girls" in a dress has the right to be. All is not what it seems...

Upon returning to the room, I absolutely had to have a shower as I was a smelly as a Frenchman! Showered, at which time Bren went out to get me some Sprite, as he's that kind of chap.. he came back, laughing, saying, "I got you some Sprite, you're gonna love this..." He then produced a plastic bag full of Sprite! Apparently the bottle return makes up a large amount of the profit on soft drinks, so they don't like to let them out of the shop!! So, I enjoyed my bag of Sprite whilst watching "Fever lake" the most awful film i've ever half seen. Night night!

2004-03-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

Have added a link on the right to The onion, which is the funniest satire newspaper on this green earth. For those of you not familiar with it, read it. now. You owe it to yourselves...

2004-03-19T14:06:00.000+08:00

Stayed in and watched Big trouble in Little China in the end. Great film, featuring some of the best one liners in the history of cinema. Went to the Kraton today, which is the Sultans palace in Yogya. Very nice, and the guide who took us round there was very knowledgeable. We're off to book our train tickets to Jakarta in a bit, then off to Prambanan for Sunset. Should be quite the sight.

2004-03-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

As you may or may not know, we were planning to see the Orangutans at Bukit Lawang sanctuary. We've since learnt that the place has been detroyed in a flood, with terrible loss of life. You can read about it here . We're now flying into KL in about 5 days, straight from Jakarta. God rest their souls.

2004-03-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

In a fit of drunken genius, Bren and I have come up with brilliant alteregoes to avoid being hassled by Hawkers. I'm Ted Dibiase, from Poland, and Bren is Irwin R Shyster, from Latvia. We've tried these out with pretty good success levels. Just hope no one we meet speaks Polish or Latvian. Or likes wrestling...

2004-03-18T22:55:00.000+08:00

back out again, Bren's annoyed that Liga Inggris, or English league football, isn't on when it blatantly should have been. It follows a long line of Bren tragedies today, the best of which was him falling off th bed in spectacular fashion. he normally comes pretty close but on this occasion he overcooked it, with brilliantly funny results!!

Oh, and "Open 24 hours" in bahasa Indonesian is "Buka 24 Jam" Very amusing.

2004-03-18T18:49:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I forgot one of the most memorable things to happen yesterday! Walking down a narrow alley called gang II, Bren and i happened across a mother daughter combo. Bren sidestepped past them, leaving me to walk imbetween them, when suddenly, they both launched in, one of them pinching my left tit and the other pinching my arm. They then proceeded to walk off laughing, leaving me to nurse my wounds with little sympathy from Bren! Random!!

Whilst eating at Superman' we had the dubious pleasure of listening to a woman creating quite the din by wailing and smacking a tambourine against her leg. She then came over and expected us to pay for this pleasure, with Bren giving her what i termed "Hush money" Thanks for that, dear, now don't do it again... Once we'd got back Nathalie and Beccie, the two girls from the bus to Yogya joined us for a beer or 3, our fourth and fifth of the evening. The bar closed at 10, leaving us to find a late bar, which was actually pretty easy now we knew our way around. We talked for ages, with me really quite pissed at this point, drinking beers 6 and 7, which were 750ml bigboys. Quite the amount of beer! A German guy called Tom, who turned out to be a volcanologist, joined us, with me going to absurd lengths to try to prove that he wasn't a volcanologist, but merely a geologist trying to get the glory of volcanoes in his life... This, surprisingly, didn't succeed, so we did what we always do in this situation, and played 21... I vaguely remember the walk home, and the mention of card games, but as soon as I got in I passed out, fully clothed, onto my bed. Bren went to see what the girls were up to, as me unconscious isn't very interesting, apparantly, and was confronted by a shouting match, which he promptly avoided. I woke up at 12 ish today, fully clothed and with lenses in, got undressed and slept until 2 ish. Happy St Patricks day....

We're seeing the Kraton, the water palace and Pramban, a hindu temple complex tomorrow, so it should be a great day. Also, Bren's camera has been resurrected, after a fashion, and the on button works every 10 attempts or so. Look for photos!!

Oh, and another thing, Bukit Lawang, the Oranutan sanctuary we were planning to visit, has been washed away by a flood, so we're flying either to Kuala Lumpur to get my camera fixed or to Singapore, then up to Kuala Lumpur.

2004-03-17T21:02:00.000+08:00

Just remembered one of the funniest things Bren has ever done. Whilst in tenant Creek, Australia, overrun with insects. Bren spots a cricket near the phone, picks up the phone and shouts "It's for you!!!" before pummeling it into oblivion with the receiver. Absolutely hilarious

2004-03-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

Yogyakarta, hot, noisy and full of poeple. Such are the ills of any large city, so i'll forgive it all of that! Today was spent changing rooms to one that didn't feature in room rail announcements (we were THAT close to the train station!) but did feature air conditioning! The rest of the day was spent looking for a place to repair mine and Bren's cameras. Somewhat futile in the end, but nevertheless, an adventure! One lady just ended up speaking to me in Indonesian, but eventuially we managed to piece together that it would take two weeks, which was time we didn't have.

The most heart rending thing to happen so far happened today though, when an old lady, could have been anyones Grandma, just asked for some money for food. It really hurt me to say no, so i've now decided to allocate a bit of each day's budget to allow for the truly needy. Not you Hawkers!! My favourite sighting of the day was a man on a bike being given a lift by a man on a scooter, simply by holding hands with him! Bren desciribed it as a "More gay Michael J Fox" Couldn't have put it better myself!! That was quickly followed by the funniest sight, which was the four men in the camera shop staring blankly at my camera while one of the staff members switched it on and off again. Funny stuff, wish i'd had my camera....

Anyway, just got out of a rerstaurent called "New Supermans" in whioch I expected to be served by Dean Caine. Unfortunately not to be, but the guy who did serve us was friendly enough. Off to find a reasonable bar with SOMEONE in it who doesn't want to talk about Manchester united. English football truly is a universal language, shame I don't speak it!!

2004-03-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

happy St Patricks day everyone!! the fact that it took an Indonesian to remind us is for shame!! anyway, happy drinking, hope you've had more luck locating Guiness than we have!

2004-03-17T09:19:00.000+08:00

Next morning we got up, not quite in time for the sunrise (sorry Henning!) and had breakfast, which consisted of a Banana pancake. We got on the bus at 8, greeted by henning, "I missed you this morning Chris!" Various excuses were made, cuminating in me being too lazy. The bus prodeeded to make the 2 KM descent in record time, using the horn instead of the brakes, all the way to the bottom. Quite eciting stuff, with the views of the mountainside farmland and plumes of volcanic steam being absolutely breathtaking!

We got to Probolinggo, said goodbye to everyone and waited for our connecting bus to Yogya. It finally arrived at 11, and turned out to be a minibus, not a coach at all! We got on board, sitting behind two girls from Yorkshire, one of whom had the rather unsettling and conversaiton halting slogan of "Put on the mask and dance for daddy" on the back of her t-shirt. now i THINK it's an Aphex twin lyric, but either way, quite unsettling.

the coach journey took a good 8 hours and, in true Indonesian style, was quite exciting. Our driver had the uncanny knack of seeing an overtaking opportunity where ther simply wasn't one, and, about halfway thorugh the journey, I almost forgot which side of the road they're actually supposed to drive on in this country!! (It's the left)

After a long, scary ass journey in which I was absolutely certain of death three times, and just mildly terrified/excitind the rest of the time, we arrived in Yogya, changing our hotel to the one the girls were staying in as it sounded much nicer. we got out, checked in, put our washing in and headed for McDonalds. I'm sorry but we hadn't eaten for 12 hours!! We then spent the rest opf the night looking for a bar that was open, giving up after about 2 hours and going to bed, with me rather annoyed at a country in whcih you can't get a beer after 10PM. There's always tomorrow!!

In Yogya at the moment, going to head back to wake Bren for Brekkie, then try to get our cameras fixed. We're going to a temple complex called Prambanan, then to see so Javanese dance and some royal palaces, so I want a decent camera!

2004-03-17T09:02:00.000+08:00

Next morning I was up with the larks (well, damn annoying rooster anyway...) and raring to go on one of the walks. bren, true to form, wasn't having any of it so, leaving him in bed, I strode off to climb Gunung Panjakang, one of the postcard-style viewpoints of the crater and volvcanoes. Now, gunung Bromo is the active volcano in the centre of a 10KM wide crater, which we were staying on the edge of. The climb was pretty damn tough, made easier by the waves, smiles and good mornings of the local Indonesians, especially the kids!! I stopped next to one of the farms just to listen to the sounds. Dogs barking, a woman singing, kids shouting and the sound of hoes against the earth, it was all quite overwhelming.

About halfway up I met up with a German guy called Henning, who was pretty cool. We sat at the first viewpoint chatting about all sorts of stuff, before I moved on, eager to get to the crater at the top. I'd been going another 5 minutes or so when i ran into a dlight impasse, a broken down wall across the path. At this exact moment, an Indonesian man carrying his harvest in two baskets on a bamboo pole happened across me, going in the opposite direction. He greeted me, and proceeded to point up the volcano, repeatedly saying, "Kite, 20", whioch I eventually took to mean "I'll guide you to the top for 20,000 rupiah" Knowing that there was a path to the top, I politely declined and carried on. It was then that he called after me, dropping his harvest to the floor. As I turned around, I was confronted by the sight of an Indonesian man brandishing his Kuri knife at me and babbling incoherently, a sight i'll not soon forget!! Fortunately, a bit more insistant nay saying was all that was needed, and, by this time Henning had caught up. we ascended a bit more before taking some awesome pictures, and heading back down to the foothills. All in all I managed to cover 12 gruelling Kilometres in a little under 2 hours, which was pretty good going.

I got back and fell asleep for a while, then Bren and i got up and had lunch, listening to the ice cream man's tune, which was absolutely brilliant. The icecream man here is a guy on a bike with a cooler on the back, and the tune is played via megaphone on the front, and kept stoppig in the middle and restarting. Brilliant stuff! We spent the rest of the time arsing about in the room and the hotel, leading to Bren asking the question "I wonder what God's views are on people hanging themselves with Rosaries?" Taking this as a good point to get out of the room, we enquired about short walks at reception. It just so happened that there was a short walk to the lava view hotel, about 1KM away. We took our torches and headed off, getting there in short order and being rewarded with an awesome view. As luck would have it, Henning was staying at the hotel, and soon popped out to join us. Being English, we obviously had to get beers to enjoy the sunset with, leading Henning to say "Ah, the English live up to their reputation!" We ordered two large Bintangs, sat on a log and enjoyed the sunset, which was truly amazing. Now i'd like to take a moment to mention my quiet fears about the disposable camera that i'm using. I'm SO sure that the sunset and sunrise pictures i've been taking are underexposed, but there's nothing I can do about it. Very frustrating. I know that a bad workmen blames his tools, but i'm a photographer, and i'll blame this 5 pound camera as much a I like, thankyou!

We went into the Lava view lodge, ate a lovely meal, sat and talked for a while and then left, tired but satisfied, to our beds.

2004-03-17T08:45:00.000+08:00

The protracted coach journey from Bali to Probolinggo in Java was pretty luxurious by recent transport standards. It had air conditioning and a little meal box which had water and doughnuts in it, which was nice! The only fly in the ointment were the two old ladies behind me who insited on punting me in the back at every opportunity, leading to the desire to fully recline my chair. repeatedly. Into their faces... Anyway, i managed to resist that, and, upon making it to the ferry, a crazy lady insisted on standing in front of the coach, refusing to move. Eventually, the airhorn of the coach got the better of her and she toddled off, leaving us to board.

We stopped off at the equivalent of an Indonesian little chef for food, experiencing my first squat toilets which Bren managed to avoid using. When in Rome and all that.. I couldn't help feeling for the first time since i'd left the UK that THIS was what travelling was about, not JUST squat toilets, but doing things differently. Anyway, the journey continued, with every crazy Javanese driver met with babbling from driver to Co-driver, that i assumed to mean "Thay're all out tonight.."

We arrived at Probolinggo at about 1AM, at a tourist office, the owner of which promptly sold us tickets to Gunung Bromo and to Yopgyakarta. Before we knew it we were being whisked up impossibly steep slopes in the pitch black, with the added excitement of frequent subsidence of the roadside due to the heavy rains. Jinking in and out of fallen bushes and landfalls, we finally made it to cafe lava, checked in, and fell asleep, exhausted , at 2:30...